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This Poem was Submitted By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2004-10-13 12:42:47 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Amethystine Mists

softest slumber comes on chilly winters night arrests and chain my daydreams dangling like sparkling silver charms captured on spiral circlets cast in crystal dreams into sacred ceremonial whirling pools of intuition peer I innocently winged daughter of the Owl stirring with willow wand softly through immortal souls pregnant sleep enchanted ebony eyes acknowledge auric orbs of inspiration symbolic rainbow color bubbles blown to feed the dreams of man to bring to fruition our Spirit Muses seeds of children yet unborn fetus in the sentient womb of liquid wonder divinely floating along this timeless journey primal warrior of the light instinctively twisting ever upward my soul rises drawn as flaming star to circle called as lotus blossom is to moon what quietness what solitude sooths my mind as I linger here at rest in meditative cumulus clouds sensually swaddled am I by amazing amethystine mists in my purple sojourn across the sky of pitch-black night infinate cloudland whispers of the spectrum reflecting other dreamers cuddled waiting for their next re-birth how have we souls come to be steeped in dreamlands color carousel? did I ask for an amethyst cloud or perhaps it ask for me? what message have I missed awake? what answers do I seek asleep? do they dangle like sparkling silver charms within my amethystine misty lucid dreams?

Additional Notes:
Sine we are doing oldies but goodies.....this is one of my favorites from my beginning time here at TPL. I look forward to new critiques, as seen through the eyes of our elusterous critics, new and old. Tell me how this poem makes you feel.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-11-03 11:27:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78571
Long before I reached the last line of this poem, I felt the meditative state being embodied in this poem. Perhaps because I’ve done this I didn’t need the reveal at the end. I could also, right now, easily move into meditation. I feel so calm, relaxed, and safe. It has been a long time since I’ve been led to this state and I don’t feel alone. I also feel clensed of negativity, and I’ve learned something. The properties of amethyst can be called up. This was my favorite stanza and one area in it tripped me a little. ”into sacred ceremonial whirling pools of intuition peer I innocently (this tripped me a little. I wanted to read it as “I peer”) winged daughter of the Owl (This tugged at me.) stirring with willow wand softly through immortal souls pregnant sleep (I love this visual of something growing or changing in its sleep. It kind of reminds me a butterfly.)” Thank you for this wonderful experience. I have to write now. Kay-Ren

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-10-20 00:00:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.11111
Dear Jana, I never had the pleasure of reading this the first time - but can I say "Wow". This is absolutely beautiful. It just flows and creates such an amazing picture in front of the readers eyes. I was anticipating each new verse - with such a soft decadence and lullyby lilt to them. Verses #5 and #6 are my favorites in this poem. I particularly enjoyed: sensually swaddled am I by amazing amethystine mists in my purple sojourn across the sky of pitch-black night infinate cloudland whispers of the spectrum reflecting other dreamers cuddled waiting for their next re-birth The whole peace had a calming affect on me. It is completely inspirational and soothing to the reader. Wow - Again!!! Sincerely, DeniMari

This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2004-10-17 21:05:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Jana, I remember this poem SO well for I loved it, possibly didn’t understand it totally, but I remember critiquing it a few years ago. Wish I still had that critique because I may see it in a totally new view. I remember it was long but I loved each stanza, attempting to figure out what you meant in each one and most likely flubbing up as I went along! Ha! I see the sleep, the warm and thick blankets pulled up around a person when it is cold out. I can visualize the charms, the dangling, the sparkles of the dreams you are going to have. (I love to live in my glass ball in order to see what I desire to view.) The purple and pink hews make one awestruck and the entire dream is enticing. I remember the owl, that was stirring with the willow wand and I can’t for the life of me remember what metaphoric state I felt it was. All I know is you have the most intensely way to formulate a beautiful poem, to make me have goose bumps as I read, and this entire poem did this to me. I see one in space visualizing globes, colors, sparking lights, which the normal person will never stop and take time to view. It is pure magic and glory to see all of this and take it in. Possibly this is what the fetus can view from the inside of the womb, not to see the awful things of this world, but to see the glory of being held so close wrapped in such warmth. At times I wonder what that “trip” was truly like and you describe it so well, as I marvel at the way “you” are able to see. I loved this poem and always will. I believe I asked you last time to describe what you, in actuality found on each stanza or in a sentence of what it meant to you and I can’t remember. Beautiful work, as you did then and as you do now! I miss you, my friend. Write me sometime, I am at purple4fun@direcway.com now and my website is ptsdhealing.com. You take good care of yourself and thanks for allowing me to re-read this beautiful poem! With love, Debbie

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2004-10-16 13:56:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Your first verse captures it all in the moment of daydreams in the beauty of winter where crystals match, snow or icicles or the frost covering everything, those warm thoughts more akin to spring and summer, a wonderful metaphor. In your second verse, there is the “mother nature” or “mother of all” feel. Not only of a natural creation, but also of thought in view of that creation. When reading the “pregnant sleep”, I felt that the birth would not only be the animated bear, but also the dreams finally coming to fruition. Your third verse goes from micro to macro, the view of all melding into the hopes and dreams, mimicking one another in an amalgamate state. Wonderful summation!! What fascinates me about your fourth verse, is you capture it all and reverse the anthropomorphism into man becoming the universal “timekeeper” if you will, and all the universe at his disposal. You end it all with you, with us, with the picture seen from a distance that pleases the palate. A truly living piece. I have no suggestions, the style fits the theme, and the theme embodies the style. (Second line, CHAINS?)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-10-13 18:16:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Jana: I do short reviews now as I'm not capable of longer. Purple, lavender, and violet have a great impact on my psyche so your title and references to being in these states where these colors predominate soothes my soul as well. As I've said repeatedly, lack of punctuation gives the reader little clue as to your intent...it is surreal, dream-like, sublimated, and stream-of-consciousness writing. The words are beautiful but if not understood, what does the reader take away? Sensory impressions, yes. Beauteous linguistry, yes. Let's look at Stanza 2. "into sacred ceremonial .....this is not end-stopped meaning and sans punctuation...?? whirling pools of intuition peer I innocently .....in all my experience in living, I've yet to see a sacred pool of intuition into which one might look.... winged daughter of the Owl stirring with willow wand ....and you are native american or your persona is and you use a douser's limb softly through immortal to stir the whirling pool of intuition through the sleep of immortal souls. souls(') pregnant sleep Are there souls that are mortal? With what is their sleep impregnated? Now that is a cerebral analysis which raises more questions than it answers. It is drifting, dreamy...like being forced to read Faulkner twenty-four hours per day. You come away with brilliance, senses screaming, but tedious at the same time. This is purely my take, Jana. What I've seen of your later poetry is a higher degree of organization of thought, still intuitive and surreal in part but easier to understand. Poetry is aimed at the senses no matter the form, style, etc. My favorite stanza is: what quietness (quietude?) what solitude soothes my mind as I linger here at rest in meditative cumulus clouds sensually swaddled am I by amazing amethystine mists For me, the frabjous linguistry continues but rich with import. Your last two stanzas are similarly thrilling. So, how does it make me feel? To be perfectly honest...as if I were under the influence of mind-altering substances. That's not a slap but a "high", if you will. No one writes as you, Jana, beautifully, in ethereal tones, arcane, as if life were seen through tinted glasses. I'm amazed that this is anyone's 1st poem!! Thanks for joining in the project. I think it has been great fun. Best wishes, Mell

This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-10-13 17:02:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.29167
Lots of images , keeping the mind's eye very busy, which is always a good thing. It flows well through the imagination, charmingly. Thanks for letting me read and comment.

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