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This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2005-05-07 07:58:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Len: Your poem contains several frightening images and even deeper implications. It suggests an end-of-days scenario, when even Nature seems to echo this uncertainty and chaos of the human sphere. But I believe the reference is, also, to an ongoing battle waged by tangible War Lords whose poitical ambitions have an international agenda. Iraq, Afghanistan, Bosnia, Somalia -- the list goes on and on. Like ravens croak pre-flight calls that over-reach the crests of height in waves of worried clatter – The raven is symbolic of death and darkness. The idea of over-reaching would certainly apply to certain leaders who appear to be overstepping their authority (and justifying it, of course). They could be religious figures as well as military leaders or government officials. Power does corrupt, unless one is exceptionally careful. these proud announcers howl their claims vomited out of the filth of time ... powerful line! to bid the War Lords arise. History is not an optimistic sort of record. The "vomited" total of our past experiences reveals war after war, massacre after massacre. The proud announcers agitate for renewed violence, regardless of context. Like ravens, they have something to gain from death. As spring rains beg their torrents to over-step summer flora with chills that yawn to shiver stone. ... another striking image here! The "summer flora" remind us that the world in its original state is beautiful, and that we should work to keep it that way. Even the rains are sensitive to the delicacy of flowers and ferns. Why don't we, too, try to refrain from beating down the vulnerable? Hurried lightening [lightning] explodes to festoon life in missed motion. ... interesting line; it shows how everything is frozen in a brief pose Wide-eyed and muted fright – a stun of speechless, ... speechlessness? stun of [the] speechless? Syntax isn't quite working here of drums thriving a [on] thunder to arraign mankind as wrapped. The idea of an arraignment implies that we will be judged for our misdeeds. The thunder itself is a prelude to this vast trial; it seems more than just a natural phenomenon, and so we quail beneath its roar. But even the clouds are warlike, militant. As storm clouds riot in angry columns - ... militaristic image, most appropriate here chosen to deny a count of nonviolent days – The count would probably be slim; I have read that in all of recorded history, there's a total of maybe 100 days when no war was waged anywhere on earth. The godlike anger is directed at our compulsion for blood and arms. to bequeath youth, to tribute elderly, ... unusual use of "tribute" as a verb, which it normally isn't to give to frail ones, quartered in the equinox ... "quartered" is definitely capable of two meanings of a world at war with peace. ... yes, the ultimate paradox We cannot offer to others what we fail to achieve for ourselves. As you say, the nonviolent days are few and we can't manage to give them to anyone, not even to our own civilization. What we pass on is an inherent desire to keep things stirred up, all the while protesting that we want an end to conflict. But how many of us actually can believe what we preach?? This is a deeply ironic piece. The reader shivers while absorbing its message; no one wants to admit shared culpability (yet war leaders need the support of the public or they can't act). Brenda

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