This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2006-01-14 13:09:23 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

Adrift on Cloud Nine

~ Entranced... bathed in the  silvery breath of an ashen moon as countless candles burn against the obsidian opus of a midnight sky marooned in listless moments swallowed by swells of ecstasy  ebbing and flowing like eager tides licking at the shoreline of my body my core trembling set aquiver by a fleeting flurry of wings as butterflies waltz upon my skin savoring his essence inhaling its heady scent intoxicated  immersed  in misty imaginings a total eclipse of sagacity I lay suspended on billows of passion deliriously drifting into silent lucidity captivated  content resting  safe in my faith  that Heaven lies not beyond the clouds but here, within his touch ...and a sated seraph     secretly smiles ~

Copyright © January 2006 Mary J Coffman

This Poem was Critiqued By: Brandon Gene Petit On Date: 2006-01-22 23:13:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.20000
Simply put, this poem has some really cool lines in it and inspires the mind with some pleasant abstract imagery. Creative descriptions make this poem stand out and puts it high on my list. I like the near psychadelic touch that lingers throughout the poem. My favorite part is the line about "..licking at the shoreline of my body..." though there are several lines that really excite me. Nice work. - B.G. Petit

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2006-01-15 02:18:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Dear Mary, You have a nice style of writing. This poem, flows well and is easily comprehended. You have created the feeling of passion and lust between two, in some genuinely unique phrases. I enjoyed the spiritual part of this piece and it's enhancement to it. This poem has a mesmorizing effect on the reader, but also at the same time, creates a feeling of anticipation - as the story unfolds. Very nicely written, the dots ..... add a bit of suspense to your lines. I don't see any changes to be made to this, I like it just the way it is. Sincerely, DeniMari
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2006-01-14 17:13:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary, the lavish sensuality found in your poem, so full of imagery unique to feminine experience is precious to the ears.You fascinate the male psyche turned to expect nothing of this sort, yet longing for some bridge of intimacy apart from the so much less experience the male has grown to expect. To be well loved is to love well. Not in owing, anymore than to the woman, than just as much to the man. This woman has no baggage to prevent her exhileration, no guilt to hold in reserve full sensual pleasure. As one cannot tell the dancer from the dance (Yeats, Among School Children)so there is no difference in aspect of the lovers, lost into each other.The state of being, "marooned in listless moments" is just that, a joy of being free from the self. It is become unimaginable that men today can rely, a woman can become this immersed with him. The death of love is represented in so many more ways than any such expression you offer here. Your poem is so wonderful to a man for he cannot indulge you imagery without accounting full measure as much to your lover. Faceting, you innately capture this. "deliriously drifting into silent lucidity" is poetic language confounding to the male unpleasured by love articulated in such a manner. Mary, I do believe you could be the Casanova of women. A whole technique of corrupted yoga is devoted to nothing more than acquiring just a bit of, "my core trembling/set aquiver by a fleeting flurry of wings/as butterflies waltz across my skin", to but come up with such a failed effort. For men do not know this, cannot. Only observing it, and then by rare gift only. Any might come to so easily identify with the rivulets of water from seething tide awash against your body, knowing your awareness so keenly of it, knowing the progression on the hope of where it might go. This is all your fault, you know. I'm going for a walk. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2006-01-14 17:08:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.27273
Poetry at its best. You have given this reader a steady flow and structure that is nourishes the mind of bliss. The word selection is great and the smile gives a conclusion that enhances the entire presentation. No changes suggested here. Excellent.
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to Database Page!