This Poem was Submitted By: Mary J Coffman On Date: 2006-01-14 13:09:23 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © January 2006 Mary J Coffman
Adrift on Cloud Nine
bathed in the
silvery breath of an ashen moon
as countless candles burn
against the obsidian opus
of a midnight sky
marooned in listless moments
swallowed by swells of ecstasy
ebbing and flowing like eager tides
licking at the shoreline of my body
my core trembling
set aquiver by a fleeting flurry of wings
as butterflies waltz upon my skin
savoring his essence
inhaling its heady scent
in misty imaginings
a total eclipse of sagacity
I lay suspended
on billows of passion
into silent lucidity
safe in my faith
that Heaven lies not beyond the clouds
within his touch
...and a sated seraph
This Poem was Critiqued By: Brandon Gene Petit On Date: 2006-01-22 23:13:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.20000
Simply put, this poem has some really cool lines in it and inspires the mind with some pleasant abstract imagery. Creative descriptions make this poem stand out and puts it high on my list. I like the near psychadelic touch that lingers throughout the poem. My favorite part is the line about "..licking at the shoreline of my body..." though there are several lines that really excite me. Nice work.
- B.G. Petit
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2006-01-15 02:18:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
You have a nice style of writing. This poem, flows well and is easily comprehended. You have created the feeling of passion and lust between two, in some genuinely unique phrases. I enjoyed the spiritual part of this piece and it's enhancement to it. This poem has a mesmorizing effect on the reader, but also at the same time, creates a feeling of anticipation - as the story unfolds.
Very nicely written, the dots ..... add a bit of suspense to your lines. I don't see any changes to be made to this, I like it just the way it is.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2006-01-14 17:13:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mary, the lavish sensuality found in your poem, so full of
imagery unique to feminine experience is precious to the
ears.You fascinate the male psyche turned to expect nothing
of this sort, yet longing for some bridge of intimacy
apart from the so much less experience the male has grown
to expect. To be well loved is to love well. Not in owing,
anymore than to the woman, than just as much to the man.
This woman has no baggage to prevent her exhileration, no
guilt to hold in reserve full sensual pleasure. As one
cannot tell the dancer from the dance (Yeats, Among School
Children)so there is no difference in aspect of the lovers,
lost into each other.The state of being, "marooned in listless
moments" is just that, a joy of being free from the self.
It is become unimaginable that men today can rely, a woman
can become this immersed with him. The death of love is
represented in so many more ways than any such expression
you offer here.
Your poem is so wonderful to a man for he cannot indulge
you imagery without accounting full measure as much to
your lover. Faceting, you innately capture this. "deliriously
drifting into silent lucidity" is poetic language confounding
to the male unpleasured by love articulated in such a manner.
Mary, I do believe you could be the Casanova of women.
A whole technique of corrupted yoga is devoted to nothing
more than acquiring just a bit of, "my core trembling/set
aquiver by a fleeting flurry of wings/as butterflies waltz
across my skin", to but come up with such a failed effort.
For men do not know this, cannot. Only observing it, and then
by rare gift only.
Any might come to so easily identify with the rivulets of
water from seething tide awash against your body, knowing
your awareness so keenly of it, knowing the progression
on the hope of where it might go.
This is all your fault, you know.
I'm going for a walk.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2006-01-14 17:08:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.27273
Poetry at its best. You have given this reader a steady flow and structure that is nourishes the mind of bliss. The word selection is great and the smile gives a conclusion that enhances the entire presentation. No changes suggested here. Excellent.
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