This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2006-01-19 15:34:23 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © January 2006 marilyn terwilleger
The lilting lullabies of youth
Swell and fall like nightingales
The voice of the chanticleer
Awakens grey shadows in dales
Moonless nights of age darken
The soul as hope and joy pales
But how sweet to hear an aria
Of life well lived as bales
Few ladies are posting poems...decided to throw in this ditty just because!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2006-01-22 16:28:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I get a one for this which I hope means you received an abundance of critiques.
While I was napping, something happened and now, few are here...to review and
to post their poems? Whada, whada??
I like your "thrown-in ditty." You use some words in unusual ways, ditto phrases.
These are harmonious and most are ear-pleasing. I think my favorite is the third
stanza from where you take your title.
"Moonless nights of age darken yes, they do.
The soul as hope and joy pale nice enjambment.
Tres anon. have never seen these words paired before
but my French classes are forgotten. Does
it mean "very soon"??
Your final stanza is optimistic and leaves the reader feeling good about
being alive. Poet tells us it is sweet to hear an aria of life well-lived
as woes and troubles ultimately fade.
Well done, Marilyn!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Brandon Gene Petit On Date: 2006-01-21 14:35:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Expert wording, Marilyn, proving sometimes the shorter poems are the most powerful. I admit I don't understand what all the words mean, (chanticleer?) but they sound especially elegant and make the poem mytifying despite my ignorance. The rhyme is effective yet doesn't get stuck in my head or sound too "sing-song"......as many rhyming poems are haplessley doomed to do (even my own.) As breif as this peice is I will remember it clearly and keep it on my list...if you reply to my critique please clarify some of the words for me if you will; otherwise I shall be happily motivated to look them up. Thanks for sharing!
- B.G. Petit
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2006-01-20 21:11:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57143
This is pretty enough to be a song, very well done and greatly enjoyed by this reader. I also appreciate your note and your great sense of humor. I love the title you've chosen for this - it's very poetic, not something I've heard anyone say before.
There is the comparison between youth and aging, and the imagery in contrast to the two, is what especially appealed to me in this poem. Moonless nights of age darken the soul as hope and joy pales... brings on such a sad feeling but at the same time is such a wonderful line, one can't help but smile at the thought of it.
January has been such a good month here at TPL, there are some amazing poems posted and this one will be added to my voting list. I'm so glad you've decided to give the guys a run for their money.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2006-01-20 07:31:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
Where HAVE all the flowers gone? Mell, Joanne, Ms. Brenda, etc.
The place smells like a locker room...
Your sweet ditty did my heart well. And Chanticleer, the rooster in Reynard the Fox,
appears with a little French just for spice (tres anon), and my day is made.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2006-01-20 07:28:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Marilyn glad you submitted one. Your first stanza brought me into the piece for I really enjoyed the wording. The second forced me to go to the dictionary to find out about the rooster and then I got the picture of dawn. The third first two lines grabbed me again yet the Tres anon lost me. Then in the fourth I enjoyed in the air of a life well lived. Remember I am limited on vocabulary consider myself average and that is what made it difficult for me. Again the beginning took hold on me. Thanks for sharing and this is only one readers opinion.
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