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Preservation We crawl into the structure of our standards and burrow underground to heal our shame. In the root cellar of deepest darkness conscious calm governs in the brain's domain. Now, then, anytime, everything matters to do this, or nothing's, decision's strain. The shelving's high or low is transition mid limbo lies nonexistent yet the same. Past due notice urgent final measures my façade's seared with sun's breath's steady pain. Applied thick poultice to preserve us: is like canning foodstuff to hold and sustain. Humidified on earthen floor is tops, heaven's warm wet air temperature contained. Cooled to keeping moisture=equals living, nature’s environment remains to pertain. Beneath ground, ventilation's celebration of each unique length of growth's chain obtained lively heights, depths, of best use, mayhap not our humanity's condition explained. |
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2006-04-22 17:19:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Dellena,
Once again you have given us things/lessons to ponder as your theme is always vital to human's life talking about attitude, behavior, all about life's preservation. I can feel your effort to make a rhythm and rhyming scheme and it is highly appreciated as you have done it all the way preserving the ABCB scheme. (smile). The opening of the first stanza is just striking.
We crawl into the structure of our standards
and burrow underground to heal our shame.
This summarizes what the poem is all about and effective in that way. Just want to mention that the action verbs "crawl" and "burrow" gave the impact there...
And there the preservation goes...I like the use of poultice to connote the idea and the simile is but simple yet striking.
Everything else is intact in this piece and I have no suggestion for improvement.
Write on.
Jordan