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Temper's Song She studied sallow ways Before burnt bellied days Acers and Alexander Ask and she'd look askance A subtle shifting glance Acerbity and Asher Mornings miss mastery Fair flights too far to see Agates and scapolite Guess grieving gives a gift Humbled as heavens lift Auras and Occamy Soft-conscienced consommés Cleave clever cryptic plays Alchemic drift Doors ardor answered her Smoke softened air of myrrh Halma habitué |
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2006-07-05 12:30:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Barbara. Wow. I am breathless. I nearly skipped giving you a critique because I don't feel qualified to do it justice! I should tell you that I am not familiar with some of your (prophets?): these two in particular-
Acerbity
Occamy
I didn't find a reference in my books, though I am sure most people will know them. I couldn't really look them up on-line without losing track of your poem-so I dive into what I don't know. Even without those 2 definitions I can certainly say that I am in awe. So, I offer my humble opinion.
It reads and flows really well. It hints at something higher than the human soul can know without practise.
Before burnt bellied days >>this line stands out among the others. Somehow it doesn't seem as 'poetic'.
Ask and she'd look askance
A subtle shifting glance >>that's really good. Even the most simple minded (smile) will see the clarity in that!
Guess grieving gives a gift
Humbled as heavens lift
Auras and Occamy (I can see the grieving aura)
Soft-conscienced consommés
Smoke softened air of myrrh (these lines are so picturesque- I love them!)
I wish I could give you more, Barbara. It was exciting for me to read. Even without complete understanding I was able to 'catch the drift' and I really like this piece. It definately shows a poetic power at work.
Smiles, Ellen