This Poem was Submitted By: James C. Horak On Date: 2007-08-05 21:38:27 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Trapping Down (A Re-post) Trailing light touch upon tender dewed grass
Slightest bend upon tiny sprig to return
No parting, warp or twist
To give away one single thing.
He above the set in most dainty way
Presses one reluctant sacrifice
Subdued by seeming softness
And tied so gently.
Far away it may look so frail
Not delicate as it is
Like bending to earth to pray
Instead of taking life away.
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Copyright © August 2007 James C. Horak
Additional Notes:
Tony gave me such a splendid critique on, My Lady, I am in hopes he will do the same
for this one.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2007-09-06 09:21:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90909
James,
I like the wording, but had some difficulty with the flow especially in the first stanza. This made me pause to long and made me go over the stanza again, without flowing to the next. Your second and third stanza's seemed to have flow between each other yet the second did not have impact as does your last. That is my favorite in this piece. Maybe if this was reversed with the last being the first and a single line with impact for the ending. Just a thought and only this readers opinion.
Thanks, Thomas
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rene L Bennett On Date: 2007-08-12 00:09:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Wow! Just awesome imagery! and your ending couldn't be more perfect.
Rene'
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2007-08-08 22:56:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Trapping Down.....well presented, the opening stanza brings forth images of this delicately placed scene in which the trapper takes his talent (for like any other form of work it is a talent to perform it right);
the trap is set, the time early morning hours before even the forest wakes .....everything in its place, to some perhaps it is sad that one might have to sacrifice in order to catch another yet in life there are many sacrifices and not all deal or lead to death.......though you do give reference to death in the closing stanza. Your words flow, it is a nice, easy read, many thoughts enter ones mind along the way and the images are plentiful as well. Thanks for posting, God Bless, Claire
Just for the record I so love to fish and hunt; the only trap I have ever set though is for those little mice that enjoy taking comfort inside during the cold winter months............
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2007-08-08 20:35:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
James.
Your presentation is awesome:
Trailing light touch upon tender dewed grass
Slightest bend upon tiny sprig to return
No parting, warp or twist
To give away one single thing This reminds me of the way a cat crouches and inches ever so stealthly through a grassed area…
He above the set in most dainty way
Presses one reluctant sacrifice
Subdued by seeming softness
And tied so gently. Is this the prey, the object that appears to be unaware till time requires it to spring into action...
Far away it may look so frail
Not delicate as it is
Like bending to earth to pray
Instead of taking life away The culmination of the hunt, a quiet reverence even at the taking of life..
Interesting read for it is soft and delicate like life and nature, a balance between being prey and predator. I like the reverence you’ve treated this with. The early hour just between sunrise and daybreak, quiet dew filled meadow grasses, the time when nesting foul begin to wake or a doe feeds with fawn still tucked away in under brush. The power, magnitude is no less nor diminished by the gentle portrayal for even in the act of hunt there is great beauty in this write..one that pays homage to all involved. Just my take, enjoyed the read and the memories it brought to mind. I don't believe I've ever read a piece such as this, one that treats this subject so delicately and so respectfully. Thanks for the read.
Best always,
Lora
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