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This Poem was Submitted By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2009-04-27 17:41:07 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Your touch upon me will never pass The good, the sad, within our time It lies in the records book of mind We are more alike than we realize We're candleâ€™s light growing old As close the bond, stronger the pull I want you ever to be part of me Nearer than this reality can't be Today we coexist in the now Love's breath wonâ€™t blow cold Between the relative spaces of us Thrives the cosmos and eternity The great distance makes me wonder As time disappears through the fingers Is everything effect of the same illusion?

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2009-05-06 09:01:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Dellena; this is packed full of emotions - and simplistic in terms; yet the imagery takes the reader further - into the depths of the poem. I love the last two lines of the first verse. So true; we are more alike than we realize - We're candles' light growing old - is exactly what we are - Second verse reads so well - and again so true - Love is never cold - it's one of the warmest feelings anyone can possibly have. My only hesitation in this poem was the 4th line of your last verse; where I think another word to replace fingers would have made this piece stand out even more. Not sure exactly what word to recommend right now - but something more powerful than fingers... Last line; pulls it together - Great job; deep thoughts - completely enjoyed this read. Deni

This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-05-01 20:03:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
One thing first, would, nearer this reality can be, be better than, "Nearer this reality can't be"? Almost a marriage between emotion and metaphysical reality, this poem has a depth not easily passed over. Your last line, "Is everything effect of the same illusion" has both interesting syntax and the effect of pausing the reader. Followinq the wonderful illusion found in, "As time disappears through the fingers", we are treated to a broad appeal of extended perception. This is so much better than the practice of the English Romantics towards the simplistic sublimation that trended more to exaggeration than euphemism. An elegant poem, Dellena. JCH

This Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2009-05-01 00:10:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.64286
Hi Dellena, Very strong and effective close...I felt the first two stanzas were weaker but thats probably a build up to the excellent climax. Verse 2 would have to be the weaker of the three though and you might want to re-look references to close bonds, love's breath, coexist in the now, want you ever to be part of me......perhaps to enhance more interesting ways of saying these. Neverthless, very strong last verse...it might even stand alone and brave a storm :-)) Duane.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claus Michael Ranswill On Date: 2009-04-30 16:46:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
This is a very good love story Very visual and imaginative Great reflective piece of imagery and talent This reflects the eternity and illusion of love itself Sometimes up, sometimes down Sometimes close, sometimes so far away Good story

This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2009-04-29 15:23:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Its probibly just me but I stumble through reading this one, and yet I remain intrigued esp. with the last stanza, I'll have to come back to it after reading a few more, it may yet change for me.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2009-04-28 08:23:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Dellena, Wow, how very thought provoking and intense,power packed with deep emotion; so many facets one can gather from this. This definitely put my mind to pondering relationships; their complexeties, values the whole ying & yang of existence... This poem is well thought out and presented, kudos! Best always, Lora

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