To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
The Knight of Love Making playtime in the game of love isn’t true to what I need. Having you inside my heart isn’t having you with me. I’m a magic card in your hands with passion as your prize, and the trick I cannot figure out is how to make you realize. Consider as you play, this in sincerity. Playtime a wasted shame, makes me want to give up the game. Then over and over the days and nights, I’ll remember what you said, find my way to forget your lies that linger in my head. Breathe then leave the time you cheated my heart from love so sweet. Pack up my pain look for someone new. To remember my life was nothing but a game to you. |
Additional Notes:
JC, can you sing this for me? Just some thoughts in the middle of a lonely night.
This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2009-11-01 08:01:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
The poem could be far more captivating if you didn't seem so obliged to its structure.
It's theme is the constant struggle we have coming to terms with the time's laceration of
otherwise enduring relationships. Complex enough on its own, such a theme does not lend
itself well to rhyme and strict stanza and when you try it will simply seem audaciously
contrived.
Free verse, free verse, free verse.
But that does not eliminate the potential for lyrical quality, internal rhyme, assonance,
and doing whatever to improve the read.
Then you may touch your reader where you "live".
And not seem diverted by form.
Very, very important.
JCH