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This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2010-01-18 18:02:34 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Tears Fall

my voice whispers its sound drowns me in sharp edges piercing souls, scarlet tears blend with shades of sorrow I yearn gentle notes sunshine harmony not ripples of tuneless songs in c flat footfalls echo sheets of night fade into empty corridors melancholy wraps tears fall

Additional Notes:
JCH wrote a critique of a sonnet I posted today. He asked me not to give up on free verse. So this is for you JCH

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2010-01-31 02:29:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.95833
Hi Cheyenne, First, I love the way JC takes the time to help us with our poetry. He must have a lot of patience to do so - and brave, brave moments of reading some of my poems. (smile) I like this - but I honestly have to say; I've enjoyed other posts of yours more than this. It's very well put together, and flows easily in form - the touch of darkness stands out - yet it's missing something for me & I wish I could tell you what it is. Words I think - you've written other poems using outstanding language to make your poems stand out - in this you chose more simplistic - less original than your own - & JC is right, never give up on free verse - blessings, Deni

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2010-01-24 19:53:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This is an exquisite free verse poem that so deftly describes the throws of depression. Your very accomplished pen has given us a snapshot view of the mind as it tries to deal with melancholy... In such a brief poem you've said so very much and have conveyed your thoughts very well. I believe I truly liked the fresh line/s "drowns me,in sharp,edges" and your last stanza the most. Thank you for sharing with us. Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: James C. Horak On Date: 2010-01-24 10:13:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.92857
Why, thank you, my dear. And, yes, c flat seldom gives dulcet tone. To anything, kind of a place holder between notes that do...or is it just my ear? And so it is between those that have known depression (melancholy.) How long is this residue of suffering?...and how easily, so easily, it is brought back. Your poem is meant, between those that know. "scarlet tears (like blood) blend/ with shades/ of sorrow", "sheets of night/fade into empty/corridors"...an extended rhyme held to beautiful imagery. The subtlety suits this poem. More structure simply wouldn't have worked as well. And the accomplished poet discerns these things and chooses appropriately. As you have. JCH

This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2010-01-22 15:01:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Good imagery! I wondered about the subject until I read your note. I hope you will forgive me if I noticed at once that I could take the first and last line of each stanza of this poem and produce another. I like the simplicity of the writing. I liked your sonnet also... Rene Fraley

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2010-01-19 10:21:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Cheyenne, JCH is right: but that may just be where I am right now (free verse). Your chisel is sharp, your hammer weighty, and your arm strong. You're very adept at the IP and formal verse, but heed JCH's advice and don't abandon this freedom that creates its own dimension. Nice work. MSS

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