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A Trip or Two and Fall
Oh pretense, oh pure. Alone and calmly demure blinded in absence of useless regard, open a gateway of life lines unbarred by mysterious knocks on a wall of doors. Inching and slipping down vacated floors. Master universe shaking by lights dimmed. Under clouded silence widen nailed defines to escape modern morals damaging innocent minds.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2010-09-13 22:21:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
DeniMari, I like this...I have read it and reread it several times and can't quite put my finger on just what it is that strikes me so about this poem. I think, I have decided, it is that there are many possible ways to interpret this piece...from your title, this poem could be about someone tripping down a hall and eventually falling, but if i remember you well, your poetry if more profound than that. I have a gnawing sense that this hints at child abuse of some sort, perhaps sexual abuse..."alone and calmly demure" The child alone in her room, innocent and pure, unaware of the danger that lurks in the hall..."blinded in absence" she does not see the danger of one that is not there...but on she holds in high regard but sadly shouldn't "of useless regard." The last line leaves me to wonder on this theme, but also leads me to wonder on others...so many possibilities. Is it about students in a library, or perhaps someone who "open[s] a gateway of life lines unbarred" through psychic travel? and where are the vacated floors that this person or soul is inching and slipping down? I must admit I was tripped up by the following lines "Master universe shaking, by lights dimmed. Under clouded silence, widen nailed defines to escape modern morals" I am not sure if it is the meter or rhyme or that I lost the imagery as I read these lines...but something about them I think may suggest a closer look? or perhaps you could explain to me? I do like your writing and look forward to reading some more. I hope I am not completely off target... Cheers~ Mandie
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