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The windjammer set sail for sea when storms began to blow too strong a roil of clouds in purple spoke its voice was strong and screamed aloud The sea that rolled beneath the ship became the water’s grave she fought while peering past the hidden shore she clung to life despite the fear At last the storm let loose and died a whimper splashed the bow and mast at last the endless night was done the moon now marks the ocean’s swell The calming waters soothed the ship like cradles rock a sleeping babe and even though the sail went slack she breathed a little sigh again The raging sea endured the squall but many sailors died that day all tars that sail the seas belong to night and days in storm or calm
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2010-09-13 22:30:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Cheyenne, I am not sure how you did it, but this poem seemed to flow with a rhyme all its own. I had to look back over it several times to be sure there was no specific rhyme scheme as it seemed to flow so well I was certain it rhymed as well. You do a beautiful job leading the reader on a vivid journey fraught with the torment of the sea and then calmed by the soothing waves of that same sea. This poem has much movement and momentum and brings the reader from line to line, this reader eagerly awaiting to see the fate of the "Windjammer." It was truly a treat to read. Great imagery "calming waters soothed the ship like cradles rock a sleeping babe" and your use of personification is indeed masterful: clouds that speak, a whimper that splashes, a sail that sighs, a ship that clings to life. Truly amazing! Great writing! Mandie
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