This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-01-25 22:40:55 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Snow Grains Will Change

Winter white painted coats on bare branches “Mother Nature” tests and fetches her bounty rounds sundry pleasures among every season Resembling a dog wagging his tail in expectation conditions withstand these changes as do I Foretell me not ahead what mere blemishes will bring astonish my eyes with sudden surprise that present itself from each new sky

Copyright © January 2011 DeniMari Z.

Additional Notes:
Punctuation omitted.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2011-02-06 21:46:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Deni, very nicely done. Your depiction of winter is wonderful, great discriptions that paint the images of the mind. The cadence of your poem is smooth making for an easy read and your wordsmithing is fresh bringing life to your poem, one of your best. Lora

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2011-02-06 17:06:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni, This is very poetic indeed. I don't know if it is just way beyond my ability to interpret, or i am tired...I love the images you have created with your pen, but i feel i am missing something more than the imagery you create. I like the last stanza a lot. and the anticipation foretold by the the image of a dog wagging its tail...but i am not sure i get the title...that said i still like this a lot. Mandie
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2011-02-06 16:16:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hey Deni. Hope all is well. I don't have much time to critique, but I want to amass voting weight to make a difference, so I'm scoring poems, like I used to. It will help me when it comes to voting, too. My "score": 6. MSS
This Poem was Critiqued By: David Keesey On Date: 2011-02-04 15:51:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70000
I think the first line can be reworded to: winter coats painted white. I like the double, "winter white" but up against the strong p in "painted" feels like a stumble. Oh hell, I'm too archaic as I would reword the whole line. Who am I kidding? Winter coats painted white on branches bare; is how I would do it but that is my voice and not yours. I like the image. I think "present" in the last line needs an "s." Is punctuation omitted for a reason? I like the "Foretell me not ahead." That has good iamb. I'm still working on getting the meaning behind the words and imagery. So far I can only come up with a want for awe in Nature. Keep at it Deni. Kindest Regards, David
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-01-29 13:46:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni, a winter picture is always a pleasure. I seldom get to join into the chorus. I will begin at the end, because the end cedes the beginning. S3 – “astonish my eyes with sudden surprise” what a relief that is painted; of time when a glance will tell you the coming of the moment. The telling tale of “each new sky”. It is easily the purity of the “to come”. S2 I spent a lot of time on. Looking to the sky of S3, the preparation of the moment, “the wagging his tail” in remarkable anticipation. S1- Back to the start, or the continuation if you will. “Mother Nature” and “sundry pleasures”, the purity of the snowfall or the “bounty” of the sky. It is a refreshing piece!
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