This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-02-08 14:46:59 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Patch Her Soul Held together with patch on patch
fraying threads, once strong
now lift layer by layer
in twists of pain
Cloistered shadows
hold her soul
as thoughts unravel
like tapestry knots
still wet with tears
in tangled dreams
She remembers
smiles are porcelain tourniquets
that struggle to unfold
with healing balms
re-sewing the fabric
of tortured souls
Sullen clouds and subtle whispers
choke attempts to pray
while waves of night
bathe her in sorrow
How many moments are lost
when we endeavor
to mend the swords of life?
She grabs the serrated edges
letting blood drip
until she bleeds no more
With lacerated hands
and stitches torn
she reaches skyward
and begs for peace
still there is none
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Copyright © February 2011 cheyenne smyth
Additional Notes:
This poem is not about someone who cuts themselves but rather about the struggles in life.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-03-03 20:48:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Cheyenne, I am not close enough to respond to the theme, and yet I am too close to one who cuts herself.
I will read this many times to come to conclusions. All I know is there is shame and triumph attached, and it is done for focus, despair, and attention at times.
As i said, I may never understand. An enlightening piece.
This Poem was Critiqued By: David Keesey On Date: 2011-02-23 00:51:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
I had to laugh after reading your note. After reading your over abundance of metaphors, it was pure hyperbole. There are some great lines of imagery here that I enjoy reading. "Cloistered shadows," "porcelain tourniquets," "Sullen clouds and subtle whispers" are a few that really stand out. Kindest regards.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2011-02-11 20:37:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
cheyenne,
I have read this many times over the last few days. Let me say, I think you have created a magnificent piece of work! Patch by patch this poem ties together a picture of an exhausted soul who has seen way too much pain in this life. Kept together by threads, and yet each trial another piece in the quilt of life. Tattered and worn, this blessed soul strives to find comfort, hope and yet time and again comes up empty handed. I especially like the line 'Sullen clouds and subtle whispers'. So soft in their assonance (sp?) and then the following line 'choke attempts to pray' so rash and hard in comparison - a great effect! Don't know if that was planned, but it works very well. You have done an incredible job in penning this vivid image. Bravo!
Mandie
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2011-02-08 19:26:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Cheyenne, what an ominous and dark poem you've penned for us this month. It speaks volumns of life--cause and effect--and to traverse on. Your word choices were perfect for this smartly penned poem. Lora
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