This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-07-10 00:19:33 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Call The Right Number Beneath the surface
beyond the realm
a night light
found it's place through Hell.
The devil dancing
in circles of delight
another soul captured
too tired to fight.
War was waged
and the battle a curse
till a memory of joy
rolled in her purse.
A shiny penny
a gift from a friend.
Good luck with a meaning
never meant to end.
Copper and light
lit a spark on
a dark night
a prayer
had been said
so fervent of the dread.
Fears were whisked away
the more she learned
the right way to pray.
The phone line open
the need to be heard
as the bets were placed
the devil had learned.
She feared darkness no more from the fire's purposely meant
replaced by light of blessings from "Heaven" were sent. |
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Copyright © July 2011 DeniMari Z.
Additional Notes:
Trying to find my "muse" again.
This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2011-08-02 02:00:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
sounds like the power of prayer really came through for someone. i'm sure there's a story behind this one. if so--i'm glad it seems to have a happy ending. though i find that if i pray for forgiveness--i'm given the chance to forgive instead, and if i pray for strength, i'm given the opportunity to be strong. maybe that's how it's all supposed to work anyway right? a nice poem...C
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2011-08-01 14:24:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Deni,
Another great poem from your talented pen! This one dances down the page almost as though your protagonist dances away from the devil...well done, well done! Only suggestions i have would be to help flow in your fourth/fifth verse to remove "a" from before 'meaning.' "Good luck with meaning, never meant to end." and again i would omit the 'a' before 'dark night' in the following verse. Enjoyed this read poet - thank you again!
Mandie
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-07-17 11:15:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni
what I like about a disassociated piece is the prominence of supposition. I suppose the disconnected phone (or tarrying muse) would be an inspiration to diversity, indeed, sans that effect; this poem is not borne out.
Then again, a targeted goal, if missed remands the writer, or thinker to a moment that was not considered worthy, if you will.
The penny in the lane, the dark night, prayers and hope pass judgment on the indices of selection, not on the production of hope. I find a “muse†easily identifiable in this piece. Had you not said you were running dry, I would have assumed you were speaking beyond hope, to the passions identified otherwise.
The devil, (however identified), remains both adversary and inspiration. I have often considered that the pinnacle would not exist for elation if every moment was such. Only from the valleys can I understand the grand image of hope.
A stirring piece, in your style.
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