This Poem was Submitted By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2011-09-07 11:40:43 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Sailor Man

He was a sailor man who loved the sea A fear he owned but never spoke about It was the sobbing birds that lost their way That bothered him the most with every cry The Ravens mark the waves with stormy roils Their cark is one forlorn atop the mast While water rolled beneath the ship with zeal As eyes of night hid veils of dawn like shawls The salt that chained the tar became the worst When hearing loud the wailing tears aloft By lantern’s light he clung with hand on rail Despite the raging din that slammed the deck The shadowed lines that marked his scowling face Were weather-etched by sun and wind and rum He knows the ocean deep could sunder him With liquid dreams disturbing sounds of pain He can’t recall when sails began their slack But wondered where the Raven’s noise had gone He never heard the rhythmic beat of wings That tore his mortal heart with tearless cries He cast a longing glance at hidden shores But knew the sea would bring the peace he sought I heard this tale that captured every sense I owned, do Sailor men depend on lies?

Copyright © September 2011 cheyenne smyth


This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2011-09-30 00:23:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
This poem has powerful depth to it, with metaphors that stand out with a beautiful flow and structured tale of what lies out on the sea. Once again you've mastered imagery while capturing the readers attention - it's always the anticipation, of wanting to get to the next verse with your poetry and the reader is never left feeling the mesmerizing lines you write. Truly a meaningful well written poem - with one small nit - It read flawlessly until the ending - then I hesitated because you through off form and flow with your last line. In any case, it doesn't take away from the whole wonder of this read, Nicely done!, Blessings, Deni


This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2011-09-18 21:59:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
cheyenne, being a seafarer I am always drawn to the tales. In reading this numerous times I came to feel the gratitude and the despair. Ravens, for me, are an odd choice, so I wondered if it is a metaphor for the wind through the ropes. The "rythmic beat of wings" like the beating of a loose sail- would wear at the soul of any sailor. Being at sea, even in a tempest is much different than ashore- I have often found peace in such- and much as the sirens are beguiling in a true but very false way; the fear of the ocean is masked by her calling. I found this piece to create a thoughtfulness in me. I can't pretend to actually understand any but the metaphor- the actual circumstance; even after several readings, leaves me unclear and wanting- and I think that that is probably the point of the poem; and sailing the ocean.
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