This Poem was Submitted By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2012-01-29 03:44:27 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
Money Train The price of the fare
for the journey has risen.
In changes are those
captive in financial prison.
Smiles are less
conversing is always
full of stress
while we sit on boats
barely kept afloat
in hopes to see
more security.
Anything substantial to
set our minds free.
Golden shoes are not what we need
perhaps a stint of two or three
chances for modest lives
spent with dignity.
|
|
Copyright © January 2012 DeniMari Z.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2012-02-07 20:22:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Deni
I enjoyed this. It's a very restrained and polite complaint about the way things are, but makes the point firmly. Neat.
Best wishes,
Mark.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-02-07 12:42:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni, the transition from a financial metaphor to the real quality of living was seamless. I am sure some didn’t really catch your nuance. Hope corresponds to both images, that of the wallet and the lives.
The implication of the stress and the need were well set in your exposé. That the security of the future must be provided for, long before the need is driven home; or is it the respectability of living is transcendent beyond the nuts and bolts of putting together the support?
I like the thought of setting the mind free. I think, in the seeking, we forget the end game. That, I believe, is the point of your piece.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2012-02-01 19:38:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Very nicely done Deni,
Your words ring with clarity, if only we weren't such a materialistic society. I believe that we truly don't own stuff but that it owns us...but you put it in such an read, much enjoyed. Lora
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dellena Rovito On Date: 2012-01-31 14:14:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Deni,
Money is tough. just to exist is hard. But with a lot of work, we can get through. Start hoarding food.
Cut expenses, watch for waste, buy only necessary.
i've found in my life there 's ups and downs throughout. it actually is more fun to be
challenged. When I have it, people do anything to get it from you. When you don't they basically
leave you alone. That's the trade off.
Your poem is clean, pure and pretty good.
dellena
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link
Click HERE to
return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!