This Poem was Submitted By: James C. Horak On Date: 2012-03-11 10:39:30 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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The Ornamental Poet Were you to decorate
elaborate some song
To fiddle music
knee jerking fiddle music
Nero-style, wrapped in
a straitjacket...style
A world blowing apart
the crows flying in
(you want to talk about
how notnice...)
Flower pots are to be so
not words, toe-to-toe
Caring enough to share
ALARM |
|
Copyright © March 2012 James C. Horak
Additional Notes:
Do a mind-suck on this. JCH
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen K Lewis On Date: 2012-04-06 02:07:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
ooo James is this different for you?? I must admit I really like this one.
Your title caught me. What poet could resist that?
Theres really only one way to crit a piece like this. I can tell you about your style, how it is well drafted...except for :
Nero-style, wrapped in
a straitjacket...style
>why not just use the word 'style' the same way for each line? dont like the interruption of after-thought there
and also this: you want to talk about
how notnice...)
>well, that needs something
Or I can give you an uneducated rendition of what I think you might be thinking. I guess thats my forte.
The irony here is that this appears to be brought about by some romance. Right before the big boom is the menace of comedy. The lend is to lean towards mockery. And yet the poet continues his folly and gets the last laugh.
Not all poets are nuts you know. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with flowers and music and rainbow words, if thats what makes people feel good!
~smile~ Ellen
Awesome little read. Nice and power packed but still light reading.
This Poem was Critiqued By: cheyenne smyth On Date: 2012-03-19 18:24:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi JCH,
I think you are deliberate in your desire to confuse the likes of me! I have read this poem so many times my eyes are misting over. To begin with I think you invented a new word in "notnice" at least that is what my dictionary thinks.
Were you to decorate
elaborate some song
To fiddle music
knee jerking fiddle music
Nero-style, wrapped in
a straitjacket...style....okay this I get. Each line is creative and paints a picture in my mind
good allitertation in straitjacket/style
A world blowing apart
the crows flying in
(you want to talk about
how notnice...)...........got this too except for the word you made up.
Flower pots are to be so
not words, toe-to-toe
Caring enough to share
ALARM.....so, dear one...who is sharing the alarm, the pots or the words? I guess the
the pots,
they are more likely to stand toe-to-toe (good alliteration here) than words.
but the world is blowing apart so does it matter?
I just know you are laughing at my crit but I am a bit frustrated that I don't understand what you are saying. Oh well you can't blame me for trying!
Best wishes,
cheyenne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2012-03-11 11:21:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
JCH, it is plausible to hope that those issues found compelling should gain top shelf importance- as you proscribe.
Of Nero (straightjacket and all) the entertainment value is not parallel to that of the –ornamental poet- as it were. Possibly, there is entertainment associated with both but we know in equivalences of math, there is not the same equivalency in life. A=B, B=C thereby A=C is not the same as –he liked pink- -she doesn’t like blue- therefore –she likes pink- the comparison doesn’t work, as I understand your analogy. However; as always, there is my caveat- I might misread a piece, particularly such a piece as this that is on a grander scale.
Of ALARM- there is much of that in the verse we read. Poets, in either case are neither castigated or applauded. Certainly the value of their message is often lauded, but then again, so is the entertainer.
The entire subject reminds me of a very old Star Trek (yes I know you all tire of my second hand anecdotes) where Captain Pike and Vina are kept by aliens, they can read minds but not if there is intense hate- so Captain Pike tries to maintain a level of anger- and Vina sees this (she has been captive so much longer) and tells him that she tried that but it is impossible to always keep up the anger and hatred. At least for me, I find an equivalency of purpose.
In essence, a valuable piece with the caveat that ALARM=necessary but necessary=fun (Insert, emotional, passionate, sexy, ect..) a lot of times. Just my opinion of course, and as always, I may have missed your point.
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