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Oversight (Slightly Revised) I see what you always wish she'd see I've always seen I'll always see I am what you've always wished she'd be I've always been I'll always be I have what you always want from her It was meant for you It was always me Someday you will know in your heart this is truth And that alone should break you free My soul longs for you My eyes show the proof Too much to bear - no joy, no glee Still wishing, still waiting Hoping soon you'll see me |
Additional Notes:
I posted this and wanted to change it and then received some additional feedback about making some changes, so here it is. Please read both and provide feedback. Thanks.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2014-01-01 14:22:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I like both versions. Not because I am easy to please but that in both versions the pain comes through. If i had to say anything I would not abbreviate. I've should be I Have and I'LL should be I Will. I think there is more power there when expressed that way.