This Poem was Submitted By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2015-07-10 23:29:41 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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When Love Leaves

When love leaves she seals the windows and steels the doors She downs every bird buries every bumble bee whitewashes any rainbows and drowns every need When she walks its over your heart Her silence is poison your fault from the start Your blood flows like chalk your begin to carry your mind  around in a week old sock no more whispers, let alone talk So now I learn  to know the shadows Only when when you dive do you discover the shallows     

Copyright © July 2015 Joe Gustin

This Poem was Critiqued By: kevin Dunn On Date: 2015-08-07 17:02:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hello Joe. Ah! yes "when love leaves" in deed. The meter changes from stanza to stanza making it uneven, but it works in the read. I am a bit of a fan of those who to not stick with convention. Sort of a mix of poetry and prose. Also like the what I call soft rhyme. It just as it should stay in my mind. Loved it. Kevin.

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2015-08-02 09:59:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Joe - Very creative imagery in this poem. I love your 2nd verse where you say "whitewashes any rainbows" along with relating to such a loss - the colors disappear but reappear every now and again. IMHO - this fills the mind with impact of how losing love takes on a life of it's own then as we progress in what ever manner we choose - we learn - I believe that is how you ended this piece - To dive back in to the memories brings the emotional pain to the surface - If you know what triggers the pain you try to avoid it. Very unique structure, rhyme and thoughts - Enjoyed your poem, Deni
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2015-07-12 11:04:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Joe, Powerful opening. Again, some nice Gustin flourishes. Enjoyed. MSS
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