This Poem was Submitted By: Joe Gustin On Date: 2016-04-27 10:44:35 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © April 2016 Joe Gustin
The days drift by like
soul filled clouds on
their way to rain its
bounty in heaven
The months march
The years spending themselves
I walk along listening to
the songs of growing flowers
While noticing the true artwork
of birds in flight
Even the walls of my limitations
require no pretty paint to
keep on protecting me in
their swaddle of silence
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2016-05-06 11:59:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Nicely written Joe - Clear retrospect of the writer and emotions combined with imagery - it is written with a gentle tone - which makes this more interesting and inspiring - The reader wants to take that walk - as complex and intricate as it may be at the same time - For everything under Heaven is protected if we just believe it so -
This Poem was Critiqued By: Regina M. Heller On Date: 2016-05-05 23:43:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Joe, 4 of your poems came up on my screen when I stopped here at TPL after a long absence. Nice to see your writing. I read all four poems and came back to critique each one. Grammar is touchy in poetry, I may have miss missed some intention you had, but I will mention a few 'mechanical' details and you can take it or leave it. "On their way to rain its bounty" because their is plural, its is singular. I divorced not long ago, so I see my break up everywhere, I began to see myself in your poem when I came 'the years spending themselves finally tearless.' The years go on and when finally the tears are gone you are spent, and you have years of tears to show for it. Sad. I feel that way. I love that line. And everything is so quiet in your solitude, voices of flowers, birds in flight which sometimes makes no sound, all wrapping you in a quiet swaddle, your own limitations protecting you somehow. Very nice.
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