This Poem was Submitted By: carole j mennie On Date: 2003-08-06 13:55:43 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Sunday in Central Park

We saw a pair of lions screwing in their cage today in front of an afternoon crowd. There was no preamble. The male turned his back on us and banged away. Caught by surprise, we parents with toddlers all became pillars of salt. Then, a groan, a dismount. Embarrassed silence. I felt my daughter tugging, her chubby, three-year-old fingers insistant.  The question came. "Mommy, can we see the monkeys now?"

Copyright © August 2003 carole j mennie

Additional Notes:
My daughter is a grownup now. I'm not even sure she remembers this incident. But I do. It reassures me to know her childhood was so wonderfully innocent.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Morales On Date: 2003-09-06 20:42:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.50000
Absolutely priceless! Don't change a word. This one is in my top five picks for the month--for what its worth. Love your straightforwardness, Carole. Please tell me that you're not wasting your talents on this site. Best, Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-09-05 09:02:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.74286
Hi, Carol What a neat idea for a poem! It takes me back thirty years to when my son was about seven and we encountered two very noisy zoo hyenas so engaged. He kept asking why the "dog was laughing." I guess it is time I told him although I suspect he has long ago figured it out. Sunday in Central Park Great bucolic title which leads us to anticipate a rather different poem! We saw a pair of lions screwing in their cage today in front of an afternoon crowd. I like the casual language here There was no preamble. The male turned his back on us and banged away. ( men!} Caught by surprise, we parents with toddlers [toddlers is such a sweet word-perfect here] all became pillars of salt. [great analogy - turning into salt as a result of - just looking - like Lot's wife] Then, a groan, a dismount. Embarrassed silence [make it clear that it is the observers, not the animals who are embarrassed] I felt my daughter tugging, her chubby, three-year-old fingers insistant. this is marvelous because we are already cringing at the question she will ask The question came. "Mommy, can we see the monkeys now And so - in the way of children - things get put in perspective! Love this piece, Carol
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2003-09-01 20:58:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.38889
At four she would have asked what they were doing.LOL. I like that it was sunday a holy day and it was not profaned by the mating of two of God's creatures in a public park. The innocence of children is similar to the innocence of Adam and Eve before the apple. Thank you for sharing this snap shot of your daughter's life with all of us.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-08-28 10:07:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.95349
To catch the moment and relay the message is very well done in this poem. You place embarrassment where none should be placed but because of our experiences and learning from others we do. The three year old looked at life as just that part of life with no knowledge as to why things take place. As we gain knowledge we place the restrictions upon ourselves. You broke this apart in three sections very nicely, the first being the incident, the second the embarrassment, and finally the reality. Well done. Thanks for sharing a moment in the past. I also like the structure chosen the first and last stanza's of three lines, and to have the heart of the poem in the middle. Thanks, Tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-08-17 22:12:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.92000
What a unique piece! This poem made me laugh out loud at the thought of how I would react. Probably stand there with my mouth gaping, no doubt. lol I like the structure of this poem, the way you start with the 3 line stanza that just bravely blurts out the subject, then change to an 8 line stanza explaining the effect it had on you and building up to a 2/3 line stanza that brings us to reality and then BOOM you hit us with the real message. The innocence of children is such a beautiful sight to behold, isn't it? Well done poet. Don't change a thing, Jennifer
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