Sandra J Kelley's E-Mail Address: email@example.com
Sandra's Favorite Song: Blond over Blue
So far 709 People have Entered a Personal Profile on The Poetic Link! Click Here to see the rest of them or to Add your Own Personal Profile Now!
Below you will see ALL of the Critiques that Sandra J Kelley has given on The Poetic Link.
By Clicking a Poem Title, you can view the poem that is associated with each Critique.
If you would like to view all of Sandra J Kelley's Poetry just Click Here.
Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!Displaying Critiques 1 to 50 out of 139 Total Critiques.
|Poem Title||Poet Name||Critique Given by Sandra J Kelley||Critique Date|
|The Time Is Near||Debbie Spicer||Debbie, Goodluck, my sister is currently suing the federal government (her employer) for sexual harrassment the cheif of staff and the human rescources director are named as defendents and she also suffers from ptsd so I know where you are coming from. You have won just by bringing this case and you have helped others who might have become victims if you had not stood up to these people. I am proud of you.||2005-12-18 16:12:44|
|verse 62 (Scarecrow)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||Erzahl, wow, I like this one tremendously. The sence of sacrifice and vigilence comes through clearly. It of cource can also be read more lightly as entertainment for the season. Sandra||2004-10-29 08:57:33|
|On a Bench by the Potomac||cheryl a kelley||Cheryl, as always I think you needto rework some of your lines so they fit better on the page and look better to the eye. Try approximately six to eight syllables per line when you are talking about fast things and about ten to twelve when you are talking about the slow side. I like going from the bench to your memories then to the bench again but the poem may have a few too many images, 747, rowers and the bicycle... Maybe just one there-the rowers since your imagery there is so good. I love the last stanza. Sandra||2004-09-28 17:17:53|
|The Man In The Window||Ms.Kim Shumaker||Kim, what a lovely message in your poem. I would concider reformating it so that it fits better on the page maybe just shorten the really long lines or type them as two lines. This would make a nice song but be sure to check out this publisher very thouroughly. Good luck Sandra||2004-09-18 22:06:00|
|Insight||Andrea M. Taylor||Andrea, how clever, I love the line looking through the tinted windows of ids house. Yes we all see and interpret the world through a screen of our own desires. I like this. Sandra||2004-09-10 11:32:55|
|CRUCIBLE OF THE TOWERS||Paul R Lindenmeyer||Paul, this is a great reminder of what we owe those who put themselves on the line for the rest of us. I like the structure of the poem and the repetition then another, and another...it reminds me not just of the staircases but also the number of victims and the number of heroes who just kept climbing even though it was dangerous and they had to have known that people were going to die. Real heroes. Sandra||2004-09-10 08:59:44|
|Canvas of Life||Jana Buck Hanks||Jana, I love the of color in this poem it makes a very vivid picture. I also like how the poem drips down the page the format adds to the idea you are expressing. paint the trees purple is my favorite but I in general enjoyed your use of verbs splashing, gurgling, running... they also add to the idea of the poem and make it lively and a fun read. Sandra||2004-09-10 08:17:02|
|Tolerance||Andrea M. Taylor||Andrea, clever, I like the last line it made me think a moment and chuckle. I'll be sure to look for more of your poems. Sandra||2004-09-03 16:41:13|
|Heart Eyes||JACK M HRINIAK||I love your first sentence it reminds me of standing with my eyes closed facing the sun feeling its heat on my face and just savoring the moment. I'm a little confused by the last line just because I think you must have something specific in mind when you say black king but I need another clue to figure out who or what. Sandra||2004-09-01 16:32:48|
|Red Sand||Wayne R. Leach||Wayne, you have captured the pain of the families of these hostages who have been beheaded in you poem. Also, the vivid discriptions of the scene makes it very emotional and a strong poem. The white turban and red sand contrasting with all the darkness is realy good. Sandra||2004-09-01 16:27:18|
|A Loss of White||Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.||Medard, well, I like the contrasts you set up and the loss of innocence is well captured both in the title and in the body of the poem. I would like to see a few more specific images in your future poems and perhaps even in a rewrite of this one. Abstracts like soul, quest, health, fortune, work best when supported by specific images- things that can be seen or touched. Overall though I like this poem and the structure you used supports the message you wanted to convey. Sandra||2004-08-31 16:14:49|
|1 (Emerald)||Jana Buck Hanks||Jana, this is really good. I like your use of color to show this scene it helps to put me right in the picture. The alliteration of s sounds works in this short poem even thought it might not work as well in a longer one. Nice job.Sandra||2004-08-31 16:09:39|
|Grandchildren||marilyn terwilleger||Marilyn, how sweet and what a perfect discription of the job of a grand parent. I am glad to see some posts this month has been rather slow. I think the first stanza sounds a little like prose maybe a little tightening would help but the sentiment and emotion in the poem is perfect. Love for a grandchild is like an ocean By grace God granted me six to love... I know that my edit won't be what you go with exactly but I'm just thinking a little condencing will strengthen that verse. The poem is a great tribute to both grand children and grand parents thank you for posting it. Sandra||2004-08-29 17:44:46|
|Trip to the City||Edwin John Krizek||Edwin, the contrasts in this poem are really incredible. The detail and specificity of what is missing in the city and what isto be found at home is what allows the reader to share this thought with you. Also, the repition of home in the last lines of the second stanza and faith in the last lines of the third stanza adds some strength I wonder if you could make I went repeat in the last three lines of the first stanza. Sandra||2004-08-23 15:15:24|
|Revelry||Joanne M Uppendahl||Joanne, I like the alliteration in the poem it ties the images together very well. I also like how you always manage to make your poems bigger than they appear at first glance. This poem is not just a sparrow celebrating life but the poet, the sparrow, the earth itself is celebrating. I truly enjoyed this. Sandra||2004-08-20 21:10:09|
|japanese verse 56 (Lilac)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||Erzahl, the way you phrase this poem the reader can smell the color purple-to me it is the scent of lilacs in the spring and that scent became very strong while I read your poem even though there are no lilacs here. That is what good poetry is supposed to do so overall I think this is great. I had a little problem with the word let in the first line I was confused but the rest of the poem more than made up for that. Sandra||2004-08-20 08:43:43|
|Orphan||DeniMari Z.||Deni, your poem does a good job of conveying the pain that can come from families with warped or destructive type of love. Sometimes it truly would be easier to have been an orphan. My favorite part of the poem is the section on not being able to count on family bounds to quench the dryness of the throat that is a very visceral image you can feel it deep inside your body. Sandra||2004-08-15 19:13:13|
|Speed Metal||Jeff Green||Jeff I think its interesting that the cops are using two legal drugs cafeen and lidocain while supposedly protecting the streets from drug dealers while actually hiding behind their own fear. You have a lot working in this poem and you did it without actually preaching just laying out the situation in nice specific concrete images. Nice job. Sandra||2004-08-14 15:42:38|
|Virgin Snow||cheryl a kelley||At the doorway we’re encompassed by a puff of warm air that pulls a trickle of sweat across my forehead In layers of protection I pull open the back door brace myself for bitter wind that whips across my face and carries away the trickle of perspiration . I gather my tools, a red pale, a yellow igloo block makera (); and check to see that my sisters are fully equipped. Then we’re standing side by side three little girls against an open field of virgin snow the snow glistens reflecting the winter sun and we’re excited to cross the field and build our new homestead I stand on the porch,see the snow almost meets the last step Three feet, it should be up to my chest. I jump in with both feet, hear crackling and feel pointed edges Catch and pull at my jeans and threaten my knee caps. I think to warn my sisters, so I turn back in time to see their feet descend and Snap though the glass-like surface, sending shards momentarily dancing summersaults into the air. The shock of her landing throws my sister off balance she sticks out her right hand to catch herself. Her hand shatters more glass and one jagged piece pulls her sleeve up away from her wrist, exposing her delicate skin to the jagged corners of the shattered surface. She steadies herself and pulls her hand back towards her body across the edge of the broken plane. I watch her blood stain the corner of the glass and spread with capillary like action quickly through the powdery confections of the world below. We gather together,examine her shallow flesh wound. We look out at the field, the snow that looks so inviting, aware now of its dangers. We think to turn back the stifling air that marked our exit now seems inviting, but when we turn back the door has disappeared there is only a high window in its place, the house has moved back into the distance, and is enclosed by a short white fence. So we turn back toward the field, away from the entranceless house. Together we take our first steps through breaking glass to build our new homestead. Cheryl, you can see what I did to the poem just some tightening. Get rid of some of the conjunctions. I thinik the poem needs a little more tightening and then I want to see the next movement in this series. This is an excellent metaphore the poem is accessible and thought provoking. I think this is one of the best you've done. Sandra||2004-08-12 22:43:11|
|Symphonious Secret||Jana Buck Hanks||Jana, the senuality of your poetry always intrigues me. The only comment I have is that the word nakedness seems too obvious to me. Something else might be more subtle that may only be a personal preference though so see what others say. The navy blanket and the anklet of stars are my favorite images in the poem they are both celestial and imply wonderful things. Nice job with this one. Sandra||2004-07-15 20:05:46|
|Lickin' River||Jana Buck Hanks||Jana, lovely poem the imagery is wonderful, detailed and specific so the scene builds and unfolds for the reader with new detail added with every line. Also the soft l, w and s sounds inthe poem create an added layer of sensousness just with the loveliness of their sounds. These childhood memories often have a quality of universalness as we all have some memory tied to the earth and to nature that is invoked by poems like this even if our memories are different the sense of nostalgia and connection are the same. Nice job with this poem. Sandra||2004-07-11 18:31:35|
|japanese verse 50 (Swallows)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||Erzahl, I love periwinkle sky and winged-surfers these are great images I can see this poem happening in front of me. I would think about tightening up that last line by omiting to the and just going with waves of clouds it is a tighter line and a better epiphany but that is just my opinion the poem is great. Sandra||2004-07-02 11:52:55|
|Spiritoso||Jana Buck Hanks||Jana, that is awesome, I love the comparison of music to material, tissue paper and lace (linen) sheets, that comparison allowed me to hear and feel the music in a way that usually does not happen when reading poems. The alliteration esspecially of the m sounds in the second stanza is also very effective. Nice job with this one. Sandra||2004-07-02 11:48:01|
|The Black Waltz||Lynda G Smith||Lynda, in literature ravens are sometimes the twins representing thought and memory and sometimes evil spies. I like this poem as it plays on and is made deeper by the image of raven as thought and memory. Your rhyme scheme is unusual in that mostly this poem does not rhyme but occassionally there are rhymed cuplets. The poem has a hint of music in it. Nice job Sandra||2004-07-02 11:38:27|
|Peace||Jana Buck Hanks||Jana, the rythm and sound of this is wonderful-read aloud it reminds me of the rich sounds of poes the raven not in that it is the same rythm and sound just that it is as rich and vibrant. The poem also has a great emotional impact as the reader is caught up in the speakers search for some glimmer of what will happen in the future perhaps hoping that that knowledge will lead to peace. Very nice. Sandra||2004-06-28 08:52:47|
|Double Feature||Jana Buck Hanks||Jana, the writting in this poem is nice and tight with no extraneous words anywhere. I like the directness and your discriptions which are vivid enough to allow the reader to feel as though they are there in the situation with you. In the last stanza we realize you are addressing this to a friend that you have lost-bed of worms-probably in vietnam-name embedded in the wall. These insights take the poem to a deeper more emotional level. good job with this. Sandra||2004-06-28 08:42:52|
|We Dance||Jana Buck Hanks||Jana, first I love the subtle senuality and the languid tone of the poem. I enjoy how you appeal to all of the senses. I would remove the word are in line three and but in the second line of the second stanza just to increase the conciseness. I can't wait to see more of your work. Sandra||2004-06-21 19:43:11|
|Nostalgia||Edwin John Krizek||Edwin I especially like the image of the knot hole like wounds in a tree that still appears healthy and the salmon who are already dying as they struggle up the creek to spawn-I used to live on the salmon river in upstate new york and would go to watch the salmon runs. You do a great job in this poem of encasing death with life and also communicating that all living things are dying. I like this. Sandra||2004-06-19 10:57:21|
|japanese verse 51 (Belt)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||Erzahl,not exactly where I would want a snake. I like the poem it slithers due to the s sound alliterations and it also provides evocitive images. Interesting. Sandra||2004-06-19 10:52:39|
|Regret||Edwin John Krizek||Edwin, wow, the ending is quite unexpected and yet I think it is very human-very much a moment we all coome to when we look in the mirror and see something missing or something remembered. I like the detail in the physical discription in the earlier lines. Good job with this one-one change I might suggest is to not start the poem by telling us she is older now the poem show us that very well and the discription or showing is much stronger than the telling. Sandra||2004-06-19 10:49:08|
|In Anticipation of the Pines||Joanne M Uppendahl||It’s not far away, as vast highways go. I’ll drive slowly up the coast in a day, see wind-bent spruce, sip scent ( with this line your poem starts to have the wonderful language and painters vision I so anticipate in your poems) of ocean flanked by surf-stung breakers below brown bluffs.(surf stung is a wonderful adjective and I also enjoyed the alliteration nice job with this) Scrub pines will sweep off the dust of daily life that dulls my senses. I’ll unwind my mind, find poppy jasper, (this is the second forshadowing of letting go or death in the poem and they are so subtle that it is not till the end that this poem even hints strongly at death). sandpipers’ spare, crisscrossed tracks, breathe in sweet smoke of star-tasting fires dotted down the beach at dark. Quick sea trips are simple, though I’m unsure what lies beside the drowsy shore. As roads curve to an end, more may surface when the wind has spoken. Those last lines as roads curve to an end-speak of death but also of one phase of life closing and then more may surface speaks of another phase of life beginging-or of afterlife. I love the beauty of the language in this poem, the subtle calling to think beyond the surface of the thoughts and just about everything else. I would take another look at the first two lines to see if they can be made as alluring as the rest of the poem. Sandra||2004-06-11 18:52:07|
|THE CLOUD THAT FOLLOWS ME||Michael N. Fallis||Well what works in the poem is the use of weather as an image representing fate or the perils of life and asking godforshelter. I also like the structure of the poem using rhymed quatrains but the third stanza breaks the rhyme scheme and if you decide to do rewrites maybe try to fix that. I also like how you use color, in the first stanza and sound in the second-appealing to multiple sences is always a good thing in a poem-you have of cource also appealed to the sence of touch and sound with the rain. I will look for more of your work. Sandra||2004-06-08 18:10:22|
|Hosanna In A Hole||Regis L Chapman||Regis, thank you for the additional note it helped to set a context for the poem. I would concider using the quote as an epigraph. I really enjoyed the poem but have a few suggestions just to tighten it up. the same power delivers me into both hands of the mighty and the low I have fallen before, in yore loath and troth virtuous and fell bows pierce pieces of what I know does not (the) Maid Marion, and the carrion bird fly and ply(, in )the same blue gray black sky? but words, hardly heard, budge and judge the land, without tact a rock fell from a mountain it does not understand but (of) the fact of it's many grave and gratuitous impacts can you breathe once and let it go forever? I think not... yet despite these reminders and hands held as (blunderous) bludgeons and blinders no change is a lasting endeavor in spite of the desire to be clever, planner- it's true. however whomsoever's hosanna pulls the lever knows this better than you. can you breathe once and let it go forever? Is your best line as far as I am concerned. It is a very deep statement. Sandra||2004-06-08 18:03:21|
|My Mom's Motherhood||Thomas Edward Wright||Thomas, I really enjoyed this poem the detail and specificity of what your mother did and your memories of her make it immediate and accessable to everyone. We all have these memories of our own mother or of wishing for these moments. I love sisters and other pets I don't know if you ment to imply your sisters were pets but it is a wonderful tongue in cheeck ending to this poem. Sandra||2004-06-05 21:13:37|
|I Wish I Could Write A Sonnet||marilyn terwilleger||Well, Marilyn this is a good first attempt it is not a traditional sonnet form as it does not follow the traditional rhyme schemes of aabb ccdd eeff gg, or abab cdcd efef gg and the meter is not iambic pentameter or even regular. However, it is a fourteen line poem and it does cover subject matter traditionally talked about in sonnets so it works for me. I do think if you do rewrites you might want to even up the meter. Sandra||2004-06-01 16:05:34|
|japanese verse 48 (Worms)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||Erzahl, I did not know it was possible to make worms appear to be romantic but wedded and kissed and the tone of your poem has done that. You have really captured the essence of fishing here. Great job. Sandra||2004-05-30 19:01:15|
|Enchanted Stew||Edwin John Krizek||Edwin, I like the nice mix of ingrediants not everything in life is all good or all bad but a nice mix of both that cooked together long enough can be looked back on and judged as good because it has been salted with love. If you decide to do any rewrites I would concider adding some cooking instructions, stir frequently, cover lightly, simmer slowly etc... However, that is just my take-the poem works as it is and is quite insightful. Sandra||2004-05-30 09:01:26|
|Just For Fun||Marcia McCaslin||Marcia, how clever, I like the form of this poem it works well for religous verse and also the rhyme adds levity and humour that makes the last line even more fitting. I also like the idea of a pc in heaven so many people have this idea of heaven as the 1700's with wings its nice to see this idea of a modern heaven. Sandra||2004-05-29 09:35:32|
|Freeway Lemons||Jillian K Sorenson||Thousands of them, like round rays of sunlight, joyful, beautiful, perfect. ( I can see them piled on a market stall in the sunshine) I am suddenly reminded of my experiences with this fruit when its skin is removed; the sourness that is at once shocking ( and now taste them) and still delicious. I recall you last night as you made love to me, (wow,the poem has taken on a different direction and now love making is full of the sourness of the lemons and the sunlight and brightness of their skin) the sourness that I could almost taste lying beneath the surface of your impenetrable skin. I ask, but you respond with silence, leading me to believe that I have, yet again, read the language of your heart wrong,(very poigant this is supurb) as a newly-blind person cannot comprehend the orderly, raised, perfect half-circles of Braille. I imagine the lemons tumbling from the truck, scattering, bursting, releasing their juices, their essence, their scent permeating the air.(you have handled the transition back to metaphor perfectly) The spell broken, I am tearful at the disarray. In the morning, you are once again joyful, beautiful, perfect, and I pretend there is no sourness, at once shocking and delicious, beneath your skin. I become the paper doll, two-dimensional, dressing myself, kissing, scratching, caressing you, not asking what I, the paper doll in all her levity, has no concern for, and you have no answers for. It is enough that your essence doesn't spill, your perfect scent permeating only my memory. Wow, I think this is awesome try submitting it to some print magazines to get a wider audiance. Sandra||2004-05-29 09:29:17|
|The Scar the Wing Leaves||G. Donald Cribbs||G. This poem is reminiscent of Frost's I have out walked the furthest city lights... I like the image of you wearing your brother's shoes it gives a sence of grief or mourning to the poem. And then there is the fatalistic acceptance of what is happening and the knowledge that sometimes god is larger than our understanding of him. Overall I like this poem very much nice job. Sandra||2004-05-29 09:20:45|
|japanese verse 49 (Eclipse)||Erzahl Leo M. Espino||Erzahl, I am not sure I could have come up with a solar eclipse from your poem but knowing what you were intending I think you chose exactly the right words pirate of darkness is perfect it implies theft and kidnap and disruption. I enjoyed this one. Sandra||2004-05-29 09:14:55|
|Song of Praise||Mark Andrew Hislop||Mark, the poem by its nature forces the reader to slow down and really read it because of the comend condemned repitions-good point in the last line if someone just comends it is like damning with faint praise. In that regard-it is a little hard to read aloud-I start stumbling over the words rather quickly. I did like it though it is clever. Sandra||2004-05-28 20:06:35|
|The Color of Harmony||Mell W. Morris||Mell, I like the poem very much-however, I think that with a name like color of harmony we need some colors in the poem also, that would give a visual to go with the auditory nature of this poem. I forget how joy feels until it returns And then it is akin to Coltrane realms. (that is great) His hand at the helm, matter falls away From itself. Whatever the situation, The emotional part (of any event I would think about omiting these words)has more Appeal: the (grey silk) shadow cast more interesting Than its source. My days extend in grief Until relief appears and I strive to save Myself from me in between. My feelings Resist words so how can you know what I cannot say? I seek peace in mind and body And I perpetuate while (white, blue )droplets of happy Punctuate often enough to guarantee my Continued search. Then comes the hour When my being reappears, renewed, no ails, Resonant as both tines of a tuning fork. Ah, there will be high C and champagne Uncorked for all notes on the scale... And especially abounding, The sound of me. I like the poem and love coltrane being compared to joy. I do think that color would add impact but don't subtract the music and sound this is based on. Sandra||2004-05-26 18:13:15|
|Hush, The Young Bird Sings Once More||Joanne M Uppendahl||Joanne, I love this poem. I can't find a copy of Mary Oliver's poem to compare it to so this will be basedon your work alone. Standing at the rim of my garden I hear you singing like a waterfall. (singing like a waterfall is a wonderful line I love the way I can hear the birds liquid voice) I pause between plants, wondering If I have imagined your song, like A memory of other springs, other scenes. Then you call again, most clearly: ( somehow this solves the mystery without subtracting any of the joy of this poem.) I drop the gloves I've meant to don, Release the spent blooms gathered up To look for you among the branches. (there is something in this that reminds me of Robert Frost. I love these details) If I could see you, call you by name Perhaps you’d remember that it is Always you I am listening for. (and this line is more than the bird it is everyone and everything we have ever lost or had gone away. Joanne a wonderful poem. Sandra||2004-05-24 20:49:00|
|This Leda and Her Swan||Thomas Edward Wright||Thomas, I work with people with Mental Retardation and multiple handicapped adults so this poem truly spoke to me. Your first stanza does a good job bringing to mind the images of erotic art without being graphic and sets the poem up nicely to transition to the second and third. But what of a palsied boy, locked in the wheeled Chair, hidden within the crooked stiff unwieldy self? (one of my clients is a twenty two year old man with CP-he has a girlfriend in the agency with the same condition-everyone thinks its cute-I wonder if they would feel the same if the couple were sexually active) What of his swank head? What of his passion? Should he chance meet a princess - One From another realm, what be his goals?(another of my clients has a goal-he wants to get married to someone who is not a part of the agency) Any different than the Swan’s? Any less Royal? Any less impotent? Where unsheath he his sword? And if Leda is a thirty-something babe with Downs’? Who’s zoomin’ who? One wonders which Agency Would the loudest hue and cry raise to protect her. (and we would almost instinctively try to end the relationship if it were a healthy relationship-consentual between the two however it seems that some agencys are not so quick to end the relationship when it is not based on consent-go figure) Protect from what? Breast to breast, they lay. The palm, so creased, redirects the dark storm. The offspring cry out from the simplest omelet - From the deep heart of man, that beast in each of us. I love your poem-not just on the personal level but on the level of excellent writting giving service to social issues. I will look for this on the winners list. Sandra||2004-05-23 21:52:27|
|By The Seat Of My Pants||Marcia McCaslin||Well Marcia, by definition a sonnet is a fourteen line poem so this is missing a few lines however it follows the convention of a shakesperean sonnet other than the four missing lines. Your rhyme scheme is nice and you did it so that it sounds natural with no forced rhymes which is the hardest part of writing a sonnet. One thing I really like about the poem is the lively language and active verbs-also, the internal rhyme withing the lines is great. Overalll this is a great poem. Sandra||2004-05-23 21:28:45|
|Skylark||marilyn terwilleger||Marilyn, very nice job with this poem. I like the structure the longer lines and shorter stanzas and the echoing soars skylark, give this a very lyrical feel. The detail and imagery of your poem make it very immediate and accessable I espescially like notes of rain it is as if the rain is singing and you are inviting me to share the sound with you. And then the chourus changes and becomes in truth an invitation one I am more than ready to take you up on by the time we get there. Great job-can't wait to see this one on the winners list. Sandra||2004-05-22 17:27:51|
|Upon Making the Acquaintance of Death||Edwin John Krizek||Edwin this is the best of your poems that I read today. I especially like your more concrete comparisons such as the naked musician. I also love this section What, then, do I care if the birds sing or the crocus blooms, or the moon rises?(this puts us right smack in the middle of our lives and asks us what it is worth and why should we care) I am the tide of the life moving relentlessly over your soul. Moving slowly and certainly over your entire universe as you (this line is a little less substantial than the rest ofthe section) float suspended in your unconscious never really knowing whether you’re asleep or awake. I am the dream of dreams, the alpha and omega. I am the ultimate reality. I would probably not use all capitals in the last line you don't need to keeping it on a line by itself provides the extra emphasis you want. Overall, you have done a great job with this one. Sandra||2004-05-20 20:52:17|
|Remembering||Karen Ragan||Well, Karen, I am sorry you had to go through something like that. You made the right decisions with this poem though. Not using a lot of punctuation leaves the poem more open and lets the experiences flow into each other. I like how you layer the silence throughout the poem. First the sound of a single heartbeat, then silence than whispers then deaf ears-all of these qualities of sound and silence are so vividly real. They are a part of the universal experience of death and waiting. This poem is so well done I can feel this moment with you the waiting, the loss, the almost but not quite relief that it is over-but at the same time that is the moment when the grief really starts. Nice job with this poem. Sandra||2004-05-18 20:46:53|
|Of Flowers, Bees and Meteors||Joanne M Uppendahl||geraniums are sometimes veiled angels. In the heaven I hope to reach, their plump faces, long leafy arms, rise up and out as if in praise. They fling sweet-lipped signals to bees and me, sing hot coral hymns at noon, hum blue tunes at dusk. Seeing their faces, feeling their whispers on my skin, I almost glimpse them blazing like pink meteors nearly see them wink. Joanne, I would not go with exactly what I did to the top of your poem because it changes it too much from your intention. However, I might tighten that up a little. This is really a beautiful poem and a nice vision of both heaven and the geraniums. I enjoyed this. Sandra||2004-05-14 19:21:30|
|Poem Title||Poet Name||Critique Given by Sandra J Kelley||Critique Date|
Displaying Critiques 1 to 50 out of 139 Total Critiques.
Click one of the following to display the: Next 50 ... Last 50 Critiques.
If you would like to view all of Sandra J Kelley's Poetry just Click Here.
Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!