This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2003-08-29 02:25:42 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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japanese verse 23 (Tide)

Crescent calms the sea   It softly combs the surface Far from shore to shore

Copyright © August 2003 Erzahl Leo M. Espino

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-09-03 09:41:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25000
Wow Erzahl, you've done it again. Such perfect wording of this one! Crescent is a great synonym for the moon. I especially like the effect it has on the wording of this piece. It never ceases to amaze me how something that far away from earth can can do exactly what your poem says--calm the sea and softly comb the surface. This poem is a wonderful tribute to a powerful subject. Since I love to sail, this is an interest of mine--the tides. It is facinating as is your Haiku. I like the way you cap the first word in every line. It adds power to your words. Some others don't use that technique and it seems to water down their efforts. Blessings, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2003-08-30 12:22:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81481
Erzahl: You've created a masterpiece in just 17 syllables. The imagery of the crescent moon calming the sea by softly combing its surface "far from shore to shore" is exquisite. I can only comment on the perfection I feel in this splendid haiku, which abounds with siblance that gives us an auditory '' sound so like the sea. And you have also employed the soft 'f' fricative in L2 and 3, adding to the sensory impression of gentle action upon water by tender moon's ministrations. But it is the original idea of the crescent moon as comb which has most intrigued me here. The poem is subtle and raises goosebumps on my arms. You have done a magnificent job, bringing this whimsical piece to readers. I believe that your ability with this form is superb! All my best, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Andrea M. Taylor On Date: 2003-08-29 14:04:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.45833
Erzahl, I never thought about the tide in this way. "It softly combs the surface" denotes the goings on that we take for granted. I love walking the ocean. Thank you for a mental jaunt to one of my favorite places. Andrea
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-08-29 12:11:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.12857
Crescent calms the sea It softly combs the surface Far from shore to shore How I so love the ocean.......and to sit and watch the waves as they roll in over and over encircling the shorline as it breaks, the foam which comes in with the larger waves and the soft lapping with the smaller certainly does comb the surface and perhaps reaches out to the universe in the process as well for the mist lifts and goes as it will......shore to shore, time has no meaning nor does space when one is involved as this motion process the view received with this one my friend and again I can see the hand of God as Cretor of all things including this majestic beauty we call the sea/ocean....thank you for posting and allowing me to respond in kind. God Bless and be safe.....Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-08-29 10:15:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77778
Lovely! Crescent calms the sea It softly combs the surface Far from shore to shore The C's make their own crescent shape which almost turns this into a visual poem and the idea of the moon combing the sea and soothing it in that almost spiritual way is marvelous. I had to think about far from shore to shore --because it is not quite clear and yet it has a complex originality - far from shore - and a neat ambiguity {the moon] is far from the shore and the shores are far from each other - which is amazing really. "Smooth, from shore to shore" would "fix it" but I am not sure it needs fixing. If there is an underlying Islamic metaphor here it is not clearly evident. Best, Rachel
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2003-08-29 10:11:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Wow, this is very well written. I love the alliteration of the c sound and the assonance of repeated o sounds. I also like the imagery I get the picture of the moonlight reflecting over the tops of the waves on a quite night when the sea is gentle and calm. Nice job with this one. Sandra
This Poem was Critiqued By: Darlene A Moore On Date: 2003-08-29 09:10:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.03030
THis haiku is quite musical with its "c" and "s" and "-r" repetition. A delight to read aloud. the imagery is soothing...a gentle lapping, pulling back, receding type tide image...not the crashing in of a high tide. one where you can walk out and look at the tide-pools and explore.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-08-29 09:09:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.98039
Erzahl I like your Haiku. The beginning of this one throws me a little. To this reader a cresent does not represent a calming sea for I have been out for days on end, when in the service. A crescent usually indicates turbulent waters ahead, sometimes it will even contains foam showing its peak. My experience saw the sea calmed only due to weather conditions. Just a thought. I like your second line very soothing to the mind. I was just now thinking that maybe Sun or Moon calms the sea. In your third stanza you give me the distance it covers this is very well done. Thanks for sharing. The Crescent is only this readers opinion and maybe no one else felt that way. Thanks again. Tom
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