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Additional Notes:
Hi, all. I just wanted to stop by and say "hi" as well as repost this "old" poem of mine in remembrance of 9/11. Love, Bobby T.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2003-10-04 21:21:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi there, Bobby T: Good to see you here again. This is a rather unusual perspective of 9-11, in that it incorporates the theme of a dark Second Coming - akin to Yeats' "rough beast" that "slouches toward Bethlehem to be born" - and uses this event as its forerunner. The quintessentially Christian nation is juxtaposed with the "kings of the East", at least in a prophetic sense; I believe that Nostradamus referred to them in this way. "Metamorphosed faith despised" definitely pinpoints the issue of a religion twisted for certain parties' own ends, and those "misanthropic crows" stand as grim metaphor for the black-clad terrorists watching from their safe vantage points. Crows being carrion birds, the image is particularly effective. Yet, if this is foreordained by divine will, as implied by the reference to destiny and signs, then such men are part of the necessary pattern. That's a chilling thought, of course, but so is the whole concept of End Times and Armageddon. Has the final battle been joined? Is this is first frontal assault? if so, the initial battalion of souls swept heavenward by the towers' collapse is also the opening wave of Rapture that "elevates sublime". From the perspective of two years' hindsight, and with all that has transpired since, many will affirm that the world is, indeed, at a crisis point. The judgment has arrived, not with the turn of the Millennium, but shortly afterwards when nobody was expecting it. In resurrection, absent swaddling clothes, Agape quivers as dark void it loathes; And rises somberly as wings unfold Majestically, blinding to behold. This is perhaps the most terrifying strophe in that it portrays a fearsome resurrection, albeit a banishment of hatred as love, agape, is rescued from the vacuum. The great winged Being is love's embodiment but this is not a gentle, turn-the-other-cheek return. With this final arbitration also comes death. The "gallows of the firmament" is a wonderful and brutal image. Those who are judged will either rise up or perish; I sense that more will die than survive. In fact, much of humanity appears to be spiritually moribund even now. Perhaps that's why the poem is somewhat frightening. I recognize in it the dissolution of my own comfortable world. The pentameter suits this theme and style. You tend to shift from iambic to triple meter quite often (e.g. L 14), which avoids that unfortunate sing-song effect so commonly heard with an extended use of IP. Opening some lines with spondees also drives home their messages (especially the penultimate line). Couplets rhyme well and often in interesting ways: inhaled/unveiled; bestowed/abode. I might query "management/firmament" since the rhymed suffixes are identical, "ment". But management's a tricky word to rhyme anyhow. The title is apt, with its overtones of "primacy" - as in "cardinal sin"; the subtle allusion to the Church's take on this; even, if one strecthes a point, that lovely bird which is the opposite of crows and may represent all the joy and beauty that nothing can obliterate. I'd say that the poem is as relevant now as it was when you wrote it. Events pass into memory but they also set into motion a whole chain reaction, in which we're all entangled. I'd be interested to read what you might add about Iraq, in the context of final judgments and the last battle. You do write with convicition! My Best, Brenda

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