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Poem Title	Poet Name	Critique Given by Erzahl Leo M. Espino	Critique Date
Cookies	Dellena Rovito	Hi Dellena! What a sweet offering! Yummy! I loved the light yet personal touch of this poem! It penetrates to this reader. Its fun yet relaxed, simple yet playful. The spice and flavors are everywhere. Though, I believe a minor typo spelling problem of "batter" instead of "butter". Overall, its tasteful! As always, Erzahl	2007-01-18 10:32:17
The Crow Haiku	Duane J Jackson	Hi Duane, I like the simplicity yet profound underlying meaning of your piece here. I can feel the powerful yet subtle images of the whole haiku. I like how you intertwine the images and words of: - twilight - old church - praising creation These are elements that complete the whole thought! Vibrant and loud! As always, Erzahl :)	2005-05-27 20:17:46
If I Could Fly	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, I knew I would be writing my response after I read your wonderful entry. This one is hypnotizing! Again, your prowess in "nature" writing is exceeding in excellence. I am again captured under your wings of unforgettable words. You have stitched the scenarios and images in a delightful manner...there is a feeling of lightness and floatingness. "To wear a sari in Singapore or float a sampan in China or listen to Puccini in Italy or skip my feet on London's bridge" --- I am in awe with your creativeness here...you always do it in ease! "I won't toss my torch into the sea lest it wield a fracturing blow. Instead I shall weave a way To fly with a sparrow." --- Great ending! Unforgettable! You just know how to end your masterpiece with a striking conclusion. Everything is well-thought...but at the same time inspiring... Perfect combination... As always, Erzahl :)	2005-05-26 05:57:21
Silly Me	Claire H. Currier	Hi Claire, Thanks for welcoming me back! TPL will always be my home. :) This poem is as real as what your words are...no inhibitions, straight from your heart and from your "thinking" mind. To be honest, to be true to oneself....oftentimes is a therapy. It can also be interpreted in a thousand meanings...but it's only the author and its sinister smile can truly know behind those "secret" meanings. I like the lines "same old stuff dear, just a different day". This are "realistic" phrase that caught my wishful thinking moment. Thanks for reminding me the "real" world...and for the moment...reflect with life. As always, Erzahl	2005-05-26 05:23:18
Aleutian Getaway	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, This is one of the rare subjects and rare read that I find in TPL…very informative yet with humor. This is what I like about your work, you share a bit of your life then compliment it with your lyrical skills and here, with life lessons and playfulness. Yes, life is full of choices and regrets and wishful thinking and “ifs”. Yet at the end, it somehow let us realize the beauty of “now” and the blessings of “today”. And the consequences that oftentimes we didn’t foresee…yet at the end of the today, we can say to ourselves “life is good”. “I smile, "Pass the elk liver, please," I say. "I've got some thinking to do." --- Yes, sometimes it only take us a little “pause” and “break” from our “busy time” to contemplate and reflect the “real” beauty” of our surroundings and of our life. Again, thank you for this rare read! Thanks for the contemplation! Thanks for the humor! Entertaining and perfection! As always, Erzahl :)	2005-02-06 18:27:21
A Bowl of Cherries	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, Wow, wow, wow! I was blown away by your wonderful poem! It’s been long since I read such wonderful poem like this…I truly enjoyed this! A lot of lesson to learn, a lot of reflections, a lot of experience – contemplating! What I like about this entry is the honesty of the story, the playfulness of childhood memories and the personal touch of the author (having the exact names like “Chief Jensen”, “Maine street” and “Gordon” really adds personality to the poem and helps the writer and the poem to interact with the reader – effectively inspiring). Plus, you perfectly spice the poem / story with your talent of visual words especially on defining nature and the surroundings. “Rotting in solitary confinement for the rest of my alloted life was not my idea of a good time.” --- Very funny! How I imagine what’s on the mind of an imprisoned “seventh grade” kid. I liked how you add the word “allotted” for “life”. “In winter we went sledding and ice-skating, in summer we went swimming and roller-skating.” --- I like the construction of this phrase…separating “winter” from “summer” and listing the unique activities. It strongly reminds me my childhood days. I also enjoyed the rhyming “ing” which I find suitable. Also, I can’t help not noticed the uniform hyphen for the second activities of “ice-skating” and “roller-skating”. Surely, this is one of well-posited and enjoyable line of the entire poem. “Gordon gave me my first kiss and I gave him a black eye with a quick right.” “A few years later he tried it again and then jumped back, but I did not intend to inflict bodily harm anyway.” - Another striking and entertaining lines…can’t help not to smile with the humor. “I danced, sang, played the piano, twirled a baton, and was never bored or afraid. Life was good, like a big bowl of cherries.” --- This is just wonderful! No words can define the beauty of this powerful and unforgettable ending. “Life was good, like a big bowl of cherries” – this is so smart and original. Can’t help but remember the “Forest Gump” movie saying about life as a “box of chocolate”… Anyway, I still find this original and so very you Marilyn! Thanks for this beautiful entry! Surely, a rare find! I truly enjoyed the clever title! “Then I grew up.” --- Ah, perfection! The pause (space) before this line works very well with me! It adds impact to the entire poem. Well-done! Continue to entertain us with your poem, with your life! You have a reader here! Kudos and kudos! As always, Erzahl :)	2005-02-06 18:26:27
Reader	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, It's not my fingers hitting keys nor words appearing on the screen or the electronic hum of the machine which cares not at all. It's knowing that you read. Though I cannot hear your voice nor see your smile or scowl, I long to write a page whose corner you will bend. --- This alone caught my attention and my fingers to create a feedback. Yes, these comments are the source of our inspirations. As poets, we live and we are inspired by the good and bad reply of our readers. This somehow builds our character and hones our talents. Thanks for letting us readers be part of your journey and your continuous quest in poetry. Thanks for sharing a part of your life…we will surely treasure this. In other words, thanks for coming to our lives… Your words always leave an indelible mark in our hearts and in our thoughts…thanks for letting us bend your page for you have bend a page of our lives. As always, Erzahl :)	2005-02-06 18:24:11
A Letter from Mother	Claire H. Currier	Hi Claire, This is a wonderful and sweet dedication to your Mom! God has set a new angel for us to guide and look upon us. Her silent participation in TPL is sorely missed. I can feel a different joy in her heart now, now that she is reunited to your Dad. “I just wanted to let you know I am fine Happy to be with dad” --- I find this reassuring and comforting. I can almost see her smile. It’s nice to feel that you know that your Mom is ok and fine in Heaven. Now, I will never forget this. Everytime I hear Christmas Carols and Hymns…I will remember the psalm of her words that is everlasting. Your poem reminds me that in Heaven, its always Christmas! Celebrating with our Savior! As always, Erzahl :)	2005-02-06 18:23:04
A Web Within	Lennard J. McIntosh	Hi Lennard, “In insight, the writer’s web takes form beyond spider web patterns, within the mind’s design and moiled in painted dreams.” --- Well said! You have CAPTURED the essence of passion we all writers want to convey. You have RELEASED these hidden and subliminal thoughts. “It is the creative voice emerging, as apparition in sound, whispered hopes taken forward, step by step, only to then transmute into brass trumpets detonated by sudden fountains.” --- Lyrically intoxicating...you have such a gift in combining words that is entertaining yet evoke thought-provoking views. Amazing! “Yet, can this writer hide himself from faltering apprehension, even while he feigns boldness? Not likely! Nonetheless, he longs for levels of wisdom. Yet, only follows the wanderings of a pen, tied to brief hints of gifted ink, for all is written by means of the web, shrouded, and obscure.” --- Great ending! Thanks for being truthful in your words here…I appreciate your honesty. These are dilemmas that we writers usually encounter – a part of ourselves are exposed to the general public…and we can’t deny hiding some of our intimacies. “he longs for levels of wisdom”, “wanderings of a pen” and “gifted ink” – these are lovely phrases, clever words...you have done it well! Kudos! As always, Erzahl :)	2005-02-06 18:20:32
A Right To Rut	James Edward Schanne	Hi James, First and foremost, I enjoyed the rhyming “A Right To Rut” and “labels libel”. I also enjoyed the A-B-A-B C-C rhyming format and its 10-syllabication. This sonnet is a well-posited one! From my comfortable observatory post you have opened my eyes to this magnifying glass that pierced through the truth… Thanks for the tools you offered…and for allowing your words to channel through our thoughts. As always, Erzahl :)	2005-02-06 18:18:22
On the Grief of Parents	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, “We explore never-ending time for carved sequences inscribed with someone’s name, but those are not their bones” --- You made an eternal hole in these words…a hole that is unrefillable... whatever we thought was real a hoax --- Continuously...effectively, you have carved that “denial” and “wishful thinking”... “For a time, when a child dies, parents also lose reminiscence of birth and birthday parties, Christmas joys,” --- Great ending...you have summarized that great pain and lose. I am moved beyond my place on how this pain will continuously haunt the parents as long as those special dates and days will come... I am not a parent yet but the joy and happiness a child brings especially your own is truly a treasure that is priceless...and to lose this without your control is truly unbearable. How I can imagine this... Thank you for sharing this message...this may be personal or not but for this coming from a parent yourself is truly a wonderful read...thanks for letting us readers peek through your window. “and tucking in... except that final one” --- Touching...I find this very personal...and sweet...sweet sweet lose.... As always, Erzahl :)	2005-01-22 21:33:26
A Birthday Psalm	stephen g skipper	Hi Stephen, It’s nice to see another romantic poetry from you Stephen…it’s been quite awhile since we heard from you. How are you my friend? Ah…this is again one of the many series of your eternal offerings to your wife Paula...as always your words are inspiring and elevating. Your words are lyrically brilliant, especially these lines: “She has a touch so gentle, a blend of gossamer and butterfly silk.” Fingertips on my skin, tracing a pattern intricate and infinite. --- Enjoyed the “i” alliteration of intricate and infinite. She teases and tantalises my senses, she has a smell so sublime. --- Unforgettable! Another standout phrase! Lips tasting of a real fine wine, I'm so suprised that this creature is now mine. --- The rhyming “ine” is contagious. Another beauty! Overall, this is a wonderful read! You are very in good in this…continue to shower us with the goodness of life inspite of some bad circumstances. You see things in a positive light... My only advice is to place your work first in Microsoft Word before posting here in TPL to check the right spellings…(noticeable are radient (radiant), tantalises (tantalizes) and suprised (surprised). Otherwise, this is perfection! As always, Erzahl :)	2005-01-22 21:30:56
Old Friend	Latorial D. Faison	Hi Latorial, I really enjoyed this short but rich piece! I like the mysterious mood developing in the entire message. I can’t also deny the spiritual implications that I see in your words here. “that it won't be somewhere between heaven or hell” --- I can feel the sad reality of life. Someday, we will leave this place we called Earth (which I can also sense in your line “I hope I come to know you before we leave”) and to see someone there and us here brings guilty feeling... “there's little time in life yet we make too much to hate” --- Again, this is strikingly contemplating... “and take too long to hasten to hills where faults are forgiven” --- This is unforgettable! My favorite line is “hills where faults are forgiven”. I can picture the hills as the “cross of Calvary”. Moving... “I hope I meet you there perhaps totally unaware but if we never meet again remember, I am a friend” --- Touching! This is deep...deep as the still water of the sea. Again, I find your words “I hope I meet you there” spiritual. This entry can be a simple goodbye, an unresolved feelings and longingness of the good old times with a precious friend. But I see this as a call and challenge to every Christians who take for granted the sharing of gospel to friends and people that is close to our hearts. I hope I was able to get this right. :) Again, thank you for such contemplating and inspiring message. Unforgettable! As always, Erzahl :)	2005-01-22 21:28:48
untitled	Rachel F. Spinoza	Hi Rachel, Yes, this is very "timely" and shockingly "true"! You captured it all in your short format and simple words. Yes, with the current calamity that struck the Indian Sea countries...this is a vivid picture and interpretation of that harsh moment. I could not add more on it. Thanks for the share...we could pray strength and acceptance for the victims who had lost and died a loved ones. As always, Erzahl	2004-12-27 21:21:45
Cut and Paste	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, From the title itself, I am already drawn. Yes, the cleverness of “Cut And Paste” caught my attention – great title! Yes, this can be a reflective poem that could “mirror” any writer’s experience (where only you and I know). Yes, I think and believe that all poets write based on what is happening in their lives and its point of views in life. Yes, it’s truly a “Cut And Paste” concept. I can so relate with this. I liked how you pictured this “woman in shadows”. Very ordinary, very “real” and commonly existing. From the specific “faded gardening jumper” to “varicose veins” to “obsolete relationship” to “unrest gnaws” and “supererogatory burden” – these are sad and “real” scenarios of life that we ordinaries can relate. “She starts to write about her sorrow, pen her sadness, hoping to capture the loss and send it Fed Ex to Mister Ex.” --- Aren’t we poets like that? Writing as on outlet of our “deepest” feelings – part of the healing process. --- I see this as part of reducing this “supererogatory burden”. --- Clever alliteration with “Fed Ex” and “Mister Ex”. Enjoyable! “Then she remembers what the blue-eyed artist said: "Creative energy makes living in misery possible." His sorrow leaps through the lines, every stroke, evey swipe of brush.” --- I enjoyed this share. It only shows that not only poets but also painters do express their innermost feelings through their works. I think all artists are. It is where they got their inspirations. “She knows the purges in her poems will be unheard, cautionary tales read by a few and this time, for the first time, sadly, sadly true.” --- I sorely feel you with this. I have nothing to add or say…for you have said it all in it. This is a moving and a reflective entry. I can so relate with these trials in life...hold on with hope and with the Lord Mell! Good thing we have this pen and paper, this “Cut And Paste” concept that we can share our experience, where others can relate and find lessons in its depth. Thanks for sharing this in boldness. Another winner in its message! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-12-27 21:04:18
Love Tide	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, What a wonderful sonnet! Full of melody and colors! You are very good in this, you “nature-poet”. I am always inspired by your writings especially with your nature and life themes. My haiku (somehow) got its inspirations from you, on how you dramatize your words with it. You are so much in-touch with nature, where readers can immediately perceive and feel. You can easily interpret the moves and moods of nature. You write with so much passion! Thanks to Mark H., your tutor that brings out the best in you. I immensely enjoyed all your words here but best are the following lines / phrases: - “Like gongs all nights engulf me now, all lights forsake,” - “I seek you under melancholy suns.” - “my soul will flow again into your seas.” - “No, nothing I embrace in fantasy will stay my lifelong voyage unto thee.” --- Powerful ending! Unforgettable! Again, you display another winning entry worthy of our read, time and vote! Thank you for posting this “vintage” excellence! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-12-27 21:02:56
Because I'm a Woman	Latorial D. Faison	Hi Latorial, This is what I like about your entries, you write in truth and with your heart, never afraid to reveal your inner feelings. Just critiqued Turner’s “Duality” and to read another issues regarding “man” and “woman” justified (somehow) the existing invisible differences (discriminations?) between genders. I used to think if I was born as a female…what life would be for me? I can see a lot of limitations...one is physical strength, the curse of giving birth, job opportunities, privileges, etc. These can summarize the many things that you can think of. By this, I tried to be thankful of the blessings that God has given me as a “man”...to be responsible and also not to use this in my own advantage and instead respect and accept individuals. Yes, discrimination is diverse in many forms, from gender to race, to age to authority and wealth, from job positions to education. I can feel the “expectations”, “fiery tests” and “rumors” you been saying, “man” or “woman” in nature. Even you are a man or woman, I think there are some disadvantages but also some advantages. Probably what we can do is use that advantages positively and to ask strength and hold on to our faith when those disadvantages come. It could make us stronger and determine to overcome those difficulties. Thanks for sharing your insights with boldness and honesty. I like the playful words you say: “O, to be a man escaping needless pain That somehow mankind seems to think Is a woman's middle name” --- Unforgettable! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-12-27 20:58:36
The Stones I Carry	Medard Louis Lefevre Jr.	Hi Medard, This is a well-written poem! Lyrically and technically! I am impressed on how it is structured in complicated format yet the message remains true and comprehensive. The rhyming A-B-C-B is perfect. I also like the prelude “I enter a room” and standard third line “I break all the…with the stones I carry” – a well-posited pattern. The unique execution of these words and thoughts are truly enjoyable! Also, the title suits appropriately! Generally, it is mysterious and profound yet everyone can relate. I liked the sequence on how you deliver the message. From mirrors, doors and windows, the clever metaphors you used effectively help my imagination. The associations are well-thought and unforgettable. How I see myself also in these scenarios of life…uncertain yet certain, questioning yet had the answers, doubtful yet sure. Outstanding entry! You sure got my vote with this! Thank you for sharing your talent! Keep them coming! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-12-27 20:52:36
The Rectification of Names	Rachel F. Spinoza	Hi Rachel, This is powerful...this is beautiful! Your message simply pierces into my thoughts...leaving a lasting impression. They say names are unique to individuals. Before you were born, your name is already written in the book of life. I myself is also fond of creating names (probably because I have a unique name). It is something I’m proud of. It gives me a sense of ownership. And I believe to everyone’s own names too. “At endgame we weary of editing tombstones and naming names” --- I like how you use the word “endgame” here, as if life is a never-ending competition. "listen" --- I like the impact of this one-liner. The pause it brings to the transition is in perfect timing. “The sky is breathing birdsong oceans disperse whimperings of fishes and crab. In the last burst of screaming sunset I marry myself to nameless, undulating syllables and sigh” --- Ahhh, the sigh you bring here is unforgettable…super inspiring! --- So much adjectives and images that is eternal! I so much like “sky is breathing birdsong”, “ocean disperse whimperings of fishes and crab”, “screaming sunset” and “marry myself to nameless, undulating syllables and sigh”. You have captured that fascinating moment... --- Your words are rich and inescapable...magical and enchanting...magnificent! --- Reading your work made me appreciate “life” and “nature” more than ever Thank you for another splendid and excellent entry. You are really good in this craft! No doubt, this will sure hit the top! Outstanding! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-12-19 20:08:08
Arioso	Rick Barnes	Hi Rick, Again, you have released your romance with poetry in a language that only you and your true audience can decifer. Your words have found the "me" in me and I'm glad that I have found "Arioso"...enchanting its lyrics through my heart. Such intoxicating words that kept me drunk as a reread and reread this beauty. Kudos and kudos!!! In awe, Erzahl :)	2004-12-05 00:21:54
Whispers (haiku)	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, What a fresh and soothing piece is this! Whispers...the subject itself is so poetic - a lot can derive from this sensation. To find this, is to find peace and solitude to the soul...you captured that solemn moment in such miraculous ways. You have poured layers of hope and inspirations. Perfect counting to compliment those perfect words you use here...nothing I can advise more. Thank you for sharing this "dawn" experience with us...its an honor to read and comment to a writer who considers "nature" as a friend. Bright blessings to you Marilyn! Once again, you have lifted my spirit! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-12-05 00:02:07
The Things I Leave Undone	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, Wow, this is awesome! The first line / first stanza reminds me of your usual “nature poems” but after reading the whole poem - this is something new from you. Yes, you do great “LIFE” poetries but this one is unforgettable! The message is ETERNAL! Aside from the amazing message, I am also overwhelmed by how this is structured. The A-A-B-B rhyming pattern adds BEAUTY and ART in your work here. It shows the amount of time and effort you poured in this entry – now, I know I’m reading a QUALITY poem. From the title itself, it already shows a mark of QUALITY. Then, with the colors you showered like “emerald” and “crimson” that brings life to the intro, and with metaphors like “austere” and “stubborn” – these are just excellent! You’ve done it with ease! “flaming darts of sin” “shield of faith” “breastplate of righteousness” “folly of eagerness” --- Wow, the consistency of skills you showed here is evident. Nice choice of words to combine…I enjoyed this a lot! “I have felt the touch of craven fear Lived through battles of yesteryear Borne burdens of anxious toil Defied the madness of turmoil” --- Continuously, you have deepen the message. Effectively, you have established the feeling of “regrets”. Successfully, you have connected with your audience. How I felt your “SELF”-remorse. “Now the sharp edge of midnight creeps And my doleful heart quietly weeps For the many things I ruefully leave undone As I wend my way beyond the wizard sun” --- Great ending! I like how you started the ending stanza with “Now” - it somehow holds a firm confirmation. My heart also hurts with “my doleful heart quietly weeps”. And with “wizard sun”, wow…this is really so haiku-like…ha…ha…ha… - thanks for such creative descriptions, I am super inspired by your talent! Again, you are a great entertainer and at the same time a great inspiration! Your words are worth-contemplating and at the same time worth-praising of. Your words are both comprehensive and a mystery. I can feel every word you used here. Thank you…I’m glad I have found this BEAUTY. Two-thumbs up! For sure, this will reach the top! Brava Marilyn! In awe, Erzahl :)	2004-11-29 20:33:25
November Elegy (connected haiku)	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, What a find is this! Again, my mind and thoughts are fed with worth-pondering poetries. You never fail to steal reader’s attention and consume it with unforgettable messages. You are very good on this! From the title itself, you already captured the mood. And to read it in a complicated structure just made this work in high-caliber. Not only in haiku, now you are into “renga” (chained of verses or connected haiku). You have proven your versatility in great ease. “Blackish-brown debris covers the earth with remains spit back by the wind” --- Again, your showmanship in painting your words with colors is evident here! You are a brilliant word painter! “Lingering frogs--gone! Birds sing faint farewell - just 5 syllables? to dropped yellow leaves” --- I find expanding a common message in short 3 lines, 3 subjects and 3 scenes a hard thing to do. Here, you’ve done it effortless! Wow! “Calm in downward flight, leaves crave more than burial-- glorious descent.” --- Wow, “glorious decent”! This is more than nice! I know that in traditional haiku, its not advisable to put too much adjectives but for this one “glorious descent” – this is just perfect! Nice choice of words! “Brassy calls of geese sound surprisingly thankful, leaving me behind” --- Again, the pondering, the mystery is back. To end it with this, justifies your unique art! And that makes your work a unique beauty. Only ones who knew you deeply can appreciate it! Again, thank you for sharing this BEAUTY, this eternal INSPIRATION. “November Elegy” if I’m not mistaken it is the time of your son’s death (still not sure, what I knew was “October”…”September”? - well I knew its something “BER”). I also see here the end of spring and the coming of fall or winter…whatever it is, effectively you have reached this READER your innermost feeling and observation…and I am very pleased to be in connection with you. You have bounded my heart with yours. As always, Erzahl :)	2004-11-29 20:32:33
When Birdsong Colors The Air	Mell W. Morris	Hi Mell, Wow, wow, wow Mell! This is color and music in words! Just amazing! I’m glad that I took time to sit and read the November entries, and my…I missed those beautiful poetries submitted by fellow poets. And your work here says a lot when it comes to “BEAUTY”. It’s a real treasure to find! From the title itself “When Birdsong Colors The Air”, it’s already refreshing and singing of “LIFE”. I could not pinpoint stanza by stanza because these are all BEAUTIFUL. From beginning to end, the tune is continuous. Your words are comprehensive, you use exact descriptions that are enjoyable to imagine. Your words are simple yet when they are all combined – they are orchestrated in brilliant symphony. I don’t know how you do it, there are a lot of poets who can turn a simple picture into an unforgettable scene…and you are one of those great poets that I admired and would like to follow. Thank you for your words of inspirations. I like how you use the words “japonica” and “Toscanini” that adds exotic variety on your work here. “Morning whistles as if I were Toscanini And just tapped my baton.” --- Both outstanding and funny! What a combination! “The bird's throat and breast throb as he sings And after each series of notes, he hops. Sing, Hop, whistle, hop, croon to the moon, hip-hop. Perfect cadence of sound and motion, a show Of delight.” --- I really enjoyed this most (and a lot)! You captured the image so perfectly! --- Smiles are in my face upon reading this! “Yet Another day for mimetic play, for mimicry And to flavor the air with arrays of melody.” --- Wonderful! Unforgettable summation! I’ll never get tired reading this again and again…for your work brings HOPE in many ways. You have given LIFE to this life. You taught us to appreciate the beauty in simple things. You opened our eyes to the blessings of nature. You opened our ears to the humming of “friends” – FRIENDS OF NATURE. Timeless! Reading your works is never a wasted one…instead I’m deeply honored. Thank you! No doubt, again your work here will reach the top! Keep it UP UP UP! In awe, Erzahl :)	2004-11-29 20:31:49
Last Milk	Kenneth R. Patton	Hi Kenneth, Fresh…inspiring…reflective! You captured this “wild life” scenario powerfully. I like how you write this in short and concise structure. You summarized it effectively. I liked how you picture the overprotective and caring mother bear and the sweet, naïve and innocent baby bear. Touching…you let my heart go with them (and with you…you “feeling-like” a little cub). :) “Last Milk” could be our dreams, our ambitions and with the care of our Father above, on how we are being “distracted” by His continuous blessings, we will continue to reach that goal because He is in control. His plan is greater than ours, and He has been preparing it for us all. Thank you for your renewing and rejuvenating message. Yes “Last Milk” is not the end but the beginning of good things. Outstanding! Wondrous are your words! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-11-29 20:28:42
Dividing Factors	James Edward Schanne	Hi James, You are a talented poet! You write in such deep and contemplating piece. Plus, your works are well-posited poetries…you structured it with proper rhyming and syllabication. Just like this poem “Dividing Factors”, I’m amazed on how you maintained the A-B-A-B rhyming and 10-10-10-10 syllabication. “The final denominator divides the busy soft glow from the gray stillness the onlookers tear and the languid tides the warm hands turning against the chillness” --- I liked how you use the word “denominator” as a playful support for your title “Dividing Factors”. The metaphors and oxymoronic implications of your words are entertaining and at the same time appropriate. Nice choice of words! “Blow a breathing breathe into a leaving what expires within every goodbye sling the centrifuge, separate the grieving from hearts too heavy to lift where they lie” --- Wow, “blow a breathing breathe” – this is exotic and sophisticated! Only you can think of it. Continuously, you supported the title with such words like “centrifuge” and “separate”. Creative! “all look from their individual peak bottomless valleys abound to be bridged span infinity to touch cheek to cheek spirited beyond the personal ridge” --- “all look from their individual peak” – I like how you put us readers within our observatory post, mirroring, microscoping and pointing back to our own lives – that continuous the art of your mystery. “Immense holes are dug, the dirt piles high eyes look down and shrug or look to the sky” --- What a way to end this poem! Such depth and profundity! It leaves us readers hanging and questioning our own thoughts. This is such a unique piece, same with all your works. And you have done it effortlessly. Thank you for sharing it to us. Please continue to share your abundant talent and skills. You are a great add-on to the site. Thanks for coming to our poetry and critique world. :) As always, Erzahl :)	2004-11-29 20:26:51
Tree haiku #3	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, Wonderful “w” alliteration...the sound is contagious...yet the words are appropriate! You always know how to compromise everything...from word usage, word meaning to lyrical beauty and setting of moods. Again, your words here are singing in melody and harmoniously intertwined. “watercolor sounds” – again, another unforgettable music to reader’s ears. These are original orchestration of your talent...very you in structure and style – that is outstanding and exceptional! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-11-01 22:33:31
Tree haiku #2	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, Your October entries are a treasure to me! They inspire me to continue in this field and I “thank you” you for sharing your unquestionable talent! This is a free gift from heaven! I am really enjoying this! Instantly, you have executed another memorable words and images of your ingenuity. Your choice of words is just right and perfect! No one can think and can construct like this but only you. Your pen is doing wonders again. Again, your words, your subject (I’m beginning to enjoy “Trees”), your imagination are serenading my heart and my thoughts. And effectively, they have imprisoned my consciousness with your charming words. Kudos and kudos! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-11-01 22:31:17
Tree haiku #1	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, I loved this a lot…oh, anything you write is loveable! “delicate your dance” – says it all! You properly established the subject in line 1 and line 2 but in line 3 your message exceeds excellence! The third line hit my heart and my thoughts big time! Overall, this one is perfection! I would not see another tree without remembering your lines here...you have given me a fresh and mesmerizing perspective of the subject “Tree”. Thank you and brava! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-11-01 22:29:08
Moon Haiku #3	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, Again, another beautiful rendition for the subject “Moon”…a different color, a different shade and a different shape – this time it is the fullness of its grandeur. I’m glad you use the color “tangerine” for I immensely like the color “tangerine”, actually I have one that describes my upcoming “Sunset” haiku as “tangerine pearl”. Ok, enough of my work and back to you…this one again, like the others…have its own distinct character. From the playful second line “glowing jack o’lantern orb” to the exotic third line “flirts with the high stars” - this one is another winner in lyrics and in imagination. You have set a magnificent mood that is haunting and inescapable! Another standout! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-11-01 22:26:20
Moon haiku #2	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, Another excellent execution of this lovely subject “Moon”. Again, not the fullness of its face but the half of it, which is the smiling one – I enjoyed this a lot! “stolen from the sun” – yes, this compelling line is the highlight of the haiku. This took my breath away…very true yet unforgettable. As if there is a story behind of this short lines, on why it was smiling…is it because it benefited from something else like the sun and the witty “stolen from the sun” just ended this splendidly. Thank you for entertaining us with different flavor and taste of such subject. You have a thousand eyes when it comes to inspirations. I’m glad you seen this one for us to share! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-11-01 22:24:04
Moon haiku #1	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, The imageries here are powerful and rich! In a short instance, you have magnified the “brilliance” of this mystifying being. I enjoyed the current color “silver” and shape “sickle” – it adds beauty to its character. The use of “tinsels” for line 2 and “tosses” for line 3 is so ideal...in sound, in meaning and in usage. Again, you have cast your “spell” in your writing. Again, I am intoxicated and hypnotized by your choice of words and subjects. The tranquility of the images and lyrics are overwhelmingly experienced…especially when I reread and reread this! As if I am presently standing on the field…on the beach, staring to the sky and under it…appreciating the wonder of the night. Amazing! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-11-01 22:21:53
Moving On	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, I always love your storytelling, your observations...these are all natural in your writings...flawless flow...as if I (the reader) was there with you while this was happening…your simple but beautiful words captured that wonderful moments. Superb! My ambivalence this autumn: relief that they’ve gone on-- and regret for an unexpected absence of frogs. --- I like the presence of “dilemma” here...playful! This is like: “You will only know the value of that person when that person is gone”. I didn’t know that “frogs” can be sorely missed. :) But the way you write these topics with poise, elegance and class…for me this remains a mystery of your talent. Again, nice subjects...nice themes…nice metaphors…but most of all, I enjoyed the storytelling part. It gives me excitement on my reading. Again, you have proven your talent in writing. You are such a diverse poet. You can do anything in brilliance. Brava! As always, Erzhal :)	2004-10-03 21:29:58
When Trees Begin to Spill Their Color	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, Whatever the format is (from haiku to rhyming syllabications)…as always, you can deliver! And the result is often a standout. And this one is no exception! Again, your words bring color in lyrics, images and now the obvious rhyming and syllabication count. I liked how you detailed your subjects (like “ring-necked pheasants”) - for it adds character to the entire poem. And to detailed it with colors (as what you always did) like “sun’s rays gild straight”, “a rippling sapphire pond” and “ruby-throated hummingbirds” brings creativity to audience’s imagination. I also like the 8-8 syllabication count of the poem. What a great effort! In line 8, I believe “jewels” in pronounced as one syllable. I also like how the last line adds the “o’er” to fit the right count. It sounded classical. This is a well-posited poem with high caliber lyrics. Again, we are recharged with love of poetry because of your influence. Thank you! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-10-03 21:26:34
Thoughts on An October Day	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, Again, you let your readers “swirl” with your breezy words…soothingly touching each and everyone’s heart. Your words are always a success in reaching the audience’s attention and emotion. Reading your work…I can almost feel your heart. That is how you relate your experiences and your “whys” in life. You put it in words of wonder, and always…that wonder is expressed on the beauty of nature and mystery of life. And the bonus…from title to contents, they are all interweaved with lyrical brilliance. No doubt, you are TPL’s most admirable and inspiring writer. Your words can turn tragedies to hope…sadness to joy…mourning to laughter. I cannot say what is my favorite line or phrase for they are all my favorite. I cannot copy and paste and further explain your poem line by line for it all moved me. Reading it again and again just made the goosebumps beat stronger and stronger. From the poetic “a living charcoal sketch in flight” and “Dividing sky and spiraling like the Milky Way”, to the striking depth of the phrase: “Will I know when you‘ve come home? Perhaps that doesn’t matter; but only that I saw you go and celebrate your winged release.” --- My heart was aching upon reading this… …you effortlessly show your excellence knowing that these are just coming from the truths and reality of your heart. It shows how a natural poet you are! For me, all your work is a winner…this one is just a statistic. I’m glad I was able to meet and know you Joanne! You are a gift to us here in TPL! Thanks for sharing your life and talent to us! I am truly honored! Always a fan, Erzahl :)	2004-10-03 21:24:04
A Diamond Of Design	Nancy Ann Hemsworth	Hi Nancy, This is a well-thought theme! And is executed perfectly and inspiringly! You have discovered the real treasure of the human heart! “Sacred gemstones lie scattered in the streets In the mixture of the people that we meet” - I liked how you start and end the entire poem with this line / phrase! I find it an appropriate intro and reminder for the poem. I also liked how you used the word “sacred” for gemstones. Your words are real and haunting! “A soul that shines, a heart were love does flow” - This is an unforgettable line! The colors of your words are radiated in different faces and shades! Your metaphors are beautiful rainbow and spices of the poem. Truly a gem! Thanks for posting this inspirational truth! Thanks for teaching us to accept the diverse personality and character of the human race and how to get most of its spark! Thanks for this reflective masterpiece! You have done it well! Congratulations! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-09-27 23:37:12
Arthurian Ode - Part One	Robert Wyma	Hi Robert, What a great great poem! The whole package is a classic! Your strict A-B-A-B format is perfect and delightful! It adds beauty to your art here! Poetically and lyrically musical to the ears! I like this stanza best: “Arthur, my view is wide without waste the time we spend could stop this day marking the place, that forked my fate and darkened the light of divinities play.” - Unforgettable! This piece highlights your talent as a brilliant writer! Rich in history and at the same time with art! Overall, an outstanding work! Keep on writing! - where’s part two, three…will there be any coming? As always, Erzahl :)	2004-09-27 23:36:28
Crab	Mark Andrew Hislop	Hi Mark, I was drawn by your poetry here! I find your subject amusing and funny, and I didn’t expect how contemplating and interesting your contents are. Yes, this may sound a bit of whimsy…but your words speak in volume. “I am a rock With a soul.” - Actually, it was your first two lines that contain lyrical magic and spell (that lured me on reading further) yet it still holds true and realistic to the very nature of “Crab”. Excellent! “I learn my way Obliquely.” - What a humble and naughty words all-together! I enjoyed the playfulness and satirical beauty of the piece, plus your lyrical prowess radiates in the entire poem. Lines I enjoyed most are: 1. “Again that untidy wetness swallows my sky.” 2. “It spits it out again, Now it drowns me in light.” 3. “When I feed I seem to blow A species of kiss.” Overall, this is a standout! Comic and fun yet deep and profound! You mix the best of both worlds. Kudos! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-09-27 02:02:09
Insight	Andrea M. Taylor	Hi Andrea, “thoughts looking outside” - These three words can already summarized your subject “Insight”! “thoughts” for “in” while “looking outside” to “sight”. Very clever! tinted windows of Id's house fostering beliefs - I liked the use of “tinted windows” for our hidden thoughts and “Id’s house” for our inner self. “Fostering beliefs” perfectly supports and ends this piece! A well-thought entry for a playful haiku format! Thank you for the great effort! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-09-27 02:00:51
Moonlight	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, Ah...I can easily visualize these panoramic beauty! Moonlight - these are magical! Especially on those snow-caps mirroring in glitters. I'm glad how you reflect and associate this awesome wonder to the Creator above. Bringing back what is due to Him! In simple words, in simple structure the majestic and splendor of the night is vividly expressed! Well-done! Inspiring! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-08-22 22:23:59
Revelry	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, What a celebrated entry is this! Powerful images and luscious panoramic scenes! I like the simplicity of your choice of words and the straight to the point subjects. No heavy and complicated details...only beautiful and sweet illustrations. I also enjoyed the effortlessness of your title. The lines, structure and the words are well-thought! Overall, a well-posited poem! You always surpass our expectations! Thank you for this excellent share! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-08-22 07:50:30
American Gothic	Edwin John Krizek	Hi Edwin, This is a sweet sensation! This is full of inspirations and the colors are vibrant! You gently captured that "beauty of nature" with your fresh and delicate words. These are like "whispers". The persona of the "old couple" is eternal! The images keeps on pounding on my head...inescapable! Thanks for sharing this for us to enjoy! I find this "short" but "complete", "simple" but "profound". Great job! Best, Erzahl :)	2004-07-23 01:02:28
periwinkles	Wayne R. Leach	Hi Wayne, It's good to see haikus are participating in the site once again. I liked your subject and the "colors" and the "fragrance" are just blossoming. True to the structure and native rule of haiku, you captured that "true" moment for us to enjoy! "periwinkles" - these are beauties...thanks for a wonderful morning ('til evening) greetings! Enjoyed much! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-07-18 21:22:09
After the Coda	Thomas Edward Wright	Hi Thomas, I just drop by to say how great this is! For me this is one of your best work (of course my favorite is still “martins”)! Pardon me for not critiquing this last month, I just can’t help not to comment…(it is better late than never). My vote was all in this one! Everything you did here is in high-caliber! From lyrics, subjects, metaphors, structure, they are all woven in one excellent pen. Everything is well posited! The message is so striking, unforgettable, inspiring! I know…that was your secret weapon, you were inspired by this “remarkable human being”, to Mr. Gary Wilmot. See, how a great poet released its full potential and can be inspired by such a great poet too! I am sure, Gary is very much delighted on the offering…this is too much from what he can expect…Brilliant! “He lives in a place where Ideas meet face to face: At the blunt end of phrase, Looking back upon itself, Forward into the next, Into the Future, Into Responsibility, Into Tomorrow.” --- Great intro! Profundity weighs is so heavy! Enjoyable! --- That last three “Into” is so creative! “He governs that spot With an iron mind; Whips us with words And force of argument, Not mindless violence.” --- The “w” alliteration adds beauty. --- Your superior imagination radiates! “His world matters. Honesty is the leader Of his valiant band. We are never quite As good as we are When he is leading The march, are we?” --- You simple truths are so striking! It keeps on pounding through my thoughts. “He lives in that space where Ideals hang on walls, Where time meets form, Where imagery is born, Where the saddle meets the stately mane Of a long lean stallion clip-clopping home.” --- Wow, incredible! How I wish I could write like this! :) “Soon we’ll turn the boot in the stirrup. Soon we’ll burn another faggot on the fire. I know that he’d be concerned about why. Once again I’ll likely not have an answer. He made one think about wood; and yet About Would, that, I think, is his legacy. What would you do?” --- Again, striking truths…that says a lot of Gary and you as a lyrical artist! That’s his cornet blaring in the distance. Ever forward, friend. Ever forward. We will be there soon. And over the Warm fire we will share an ale And begin again to tell the tale Of that space, just after the comma, Just before the next breath, There - and then. --- Awesome! Your words just can heal and sooth Gary’s pain. --- This is a wonderful dedication for a dear friend! You words just gave justice to his existence! Nothing I can add for this brilliant work! This is such a rare piece and I’m glad I was able to read it! Thanks Thomas for sharing your talent with us in TPL! Kudos and kudos! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-07-18 21:11:40
A Poem Is. . .	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, Wow, those words sure took my breath away! How did you do that? I know how…you equally matched Rick’s superb piece “Dancing For The Gods”. This is an outstanding response to it and I am sure, Rick is very much delighted on the offering…this is too much from what he can expect. Amazing! a needle to lance a boil, a pen to draw a lily’s face. --- First line into is such a taste of your “playfulness”. Second line trims it with so much poetry in words and images. Great combination! Attention-grabber! It's a wedding rite of silk and prayers, --- Nostalgic and powerful, sweet and charming a paper whisper whistling through woods of wind, of rain. --- I enjoyed the “whis” and other “w”s alliteration, so nature-like…inspiring and suits the subject “poem” very well. You are very good in this! It’s clatter, like the snapping of twigs while deer eat crabapples. --- You are good in “deers”, and this is just perfect…your subjects are never off to the whole beauty of your piece. They are perfect ornaments to the totality of your message! Enjoyable! “Maybe a poem can sing like water going down the drain or blood coursing through the veins, or your deepest attention to the green field.” --- Yes, your words have music in its own…they are orchestrated with your fine words, images and subjects…the details you put into it are really incredible…they are versatile, they are magic… It’s your soul leaping through the pages— --- Dramatic, I like this very much! heart beating, breaking like waves, slapping like a beaver’s tail on the pond of today. --- “today”, this adds personality to your wonderful poem. Again, this is awesome! There is always something new in your poetry…even you use “deer” or “dragonflies” many times, you always put new things out of it. Again, this entry is as fresh as God’s mercy…”new every morning”. The ending leaves me longing for more…how I wish you had listed more… Again, you never disappoint! You always have this “poetry” and “nature” formula that results “beauty” and “inspiration”. Your poetries are truly a must-read in TPL. One will never regret spending time reading your gems. Thank you for sharing your talent with us! Always a fan, Erzahl :)	2004-07-18 21:05:24
Word Pirate	Karen Ann Jacobs	Hi Kay-Ren, Your words and images are like in an action movie (of Indiana Jones). With “foe”, old English “thee”, with “slash’, “cut”, “blood” and “avast and arg” – your playfulness with metaphors and similes are very evident! This is a clever move in associating “pirate” with those people who use or talk harsh words. “Word Pirate” is an intelligent title! The same with your phrase/s: “Slash with a phrase Cut with a term Gouge with a label” --- I sure enjoyed these ones! Great imagery, choice of words and combinations! “A word wound will scar, Unless it festers and brings death.” --- I can feel the truth in here! If we are not careful with our feelings and insensitivity, the words that can come from our mouth can sure create chaos. I remember the phrase: “A shut mouth gathers no foot.” and the Bible quote Proverbs 13:3 “He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.” This is such a reflective piece! It made you think on how you treat people and how you portray yourself. It is also the same way on how we comment and reply here in TPL. Sometimes we received harsh comments and rude replies that can either challenge or break the poet from continuing with the site. Thank you Kay-Ren for this insightful entry! I find this as a reminder to all of us! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-07-18 21:04:15
Tree Forting	G. Donald Cribbs	Hi Don, First and foremost, congratulations to your May winning! I’m glad you came to our TPL family and grace us with your unselfish talent of careful critiques and outstanding entries. And again, I have found one in your submission here “Tree Forting”. You have mixed your appreciation of nature and life and family in this simple but striking piece. It is so evident in your lyrical words. “Morning frost lifts off the ground where steps draw me to the field’s edge, the treeline borders blanketed by branch arms” --- Great intro, great imageries! I enjoyed the alliteration “B” in the second line. It is so contagious! “spired against the dawn sky. I clamber up walnut and oak all morning feeling twice my height with the earth below, just out of reach. The sun is at sky summit when the cool” --- I like how you use the word “clamber up” instead of the overused “climbed up”. I find it fitting! --- Just amazing! “twice my height”, “earth below”, “out of reach”, “sky summit” – nice choice of words! Generally, I enjoyed the “father-and-son” relationship message of this poem. The line “searching for places to build castles and boyish dreams far too idyllic for this earth.” is soul-reaching! “Surely he will feel the weight of the sky pressing each of us against the earth, as if gravity wasn’t enough to remind us we weren’t meant to fly.” --- Magnificent! Unforgettable choice of words! The harsh reality of your words is a truth we all know…yet for me, I find it a challenge, hence an inspiration to all. “For now I have nights of holding his small frame in my arms, rocking him to sleep, wondering what dreams hold him fast to this world, keeping him from leaping” --- I can feel the closeness of your words here – the endearing feelings and heart of a “real” father. Your spirit radiates in this line. “back up in the dust of sky where he came like a glimpse inside heaven.” --- Wow, what an ending! You combined profundity of life and beauty of a panoramic view with ease and perfection. You have captured my senses and appreciation with a superb poetry. Your words speak in abundance! They are inescapable! Thank you again Don, for this wonderful read! I respect your views about fatherhood and dreams! Your words are an inspiration! Kudos! For me, this is a winner! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-06-09 09:04:14
Ashes	Rick Barnes	Hi Rick, Your words are “immortal”! An everlasting beauty even behind those “ashes”. On how you define and expand the internal and external meaning of “ashes” is just outstanding! Again, you color the this dull and grey thing with words of spectrum and colors. You put shades of your persona, of your poetic genius (for me, you are the romantic writer, romancing almost any subject), your belief…your in-depth mind. “So it must be most of all, the spark. That is what is really gone. Everything else is afterglow.” --- So original! Unforgettable! You speak with so much authority! You know your poems…and sense how proud you are with it! “Ashes. Ashes are what we find when the spark has gone.” --- Great ending! For me this is number one! Well-posited, lyrically done, excellent choice of words! You have perfected your craft! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-06-07 22:46:27
Of Flowers, Bees and Meteors	Joanne M Uppendahl	Hi Joanne, Always luminous in words, bright and amazing as a pregnant moon! That’s how I see your writings, its soul reaching! And this one says it all in excellence! “Their strong stems, like long leafy arms, rise up and out as if to praise their Maker.” --- I like the humbleness of these words. Adding “Maker” made it perfect! Your subjects…your storytelling…your style…is always a “charmer”. You never fail to entertain and inspire readers. With quality and lyrical genius, I have no questions on why your poems are always in top spot. You are truly an inspiration to us amateur poets! Hail on you Joanne! You deserve it! Keep them pouring…these “flowers”, “bees”, “meteors”, “dragonflies”, “young birds”, “rain”, "beach", “spring”, “pond”, etc. I find your words “eternal”! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-06-07 22:32:53
Skylark	marilyn terwilleger	Hi Marilyn, “Skylark” is another gem to catch! Again, this embodies the “spirit” of nature in you Marilyn! The spirit of hope…the spirit of wonders. And “Skylark” is a perfect subject to it! Great choice of word! And I also like the alliteration “k”. Everything in it is perfect! From the lyrical words, from the rhyming, from the structure, from the subjects. This is a well-posited poem. I like how it is presented stanza by stanza, and how it ends with “Soars Skylark”. The daring adventure of life is overwhelming! “Blithe of spirit and light of wing Aloft in powered blue a melody to sing “ --- This one sings! Beautiful! Sorry I can’t help it but I see the “blue” tone the same with my “Periwinkle sky” in my latest haiku “Swallows”. Lovely! “Upon the sunken sun or bloom of day On a puff of pampero floating with fay” --- Wow, so original! Enjoyed the “sunken sun”, the “puff”, the “pampero” and the “fay”! Aside from the beauty of its meaning, the sound is pleasing too! “Wafting with voice of shrill delight Neath portly platinum clouds, ere night” --- Nice picturesque! You are good in this! “Dainty notes of rain with aerial hue Amid swaying flowers in dells of dew” --- Continuously, you bring the melody and colors! Great job! “In opera of harmonious rapture Among clover in rain awakened pasture” --- I don’t know how you got your words and your adjectives but they are fittingly right! Again you do magic! “If your spirit is bleak and sun is lost Look to heaven with stars embossed” --- Wow, Great ending! You are really an awesome poet! You can construct this splendor! These are like stitches of inspirations. You have intertwined it appropriately. I could not add for more! You fingerprint is reflected in the entire poem! Kudos! This is your best offering for the month of May! As always, Erzahl :)	2004-06-07 22:19:30
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