Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

This Poem was Submitted By: Donna L. Dean On Date: 2003-10-14 00:45:45 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

I Ought to Autumn

So much time into the calendar soon the straw colored light will be white. Time to start something new before the frost sets in. Remembrances of long walks and echoes of voices and trails walked on before. Time is moving on as Autumn, the weight is heavy. Bared by straw colored light strong limbs with twigs, upon which birds sit in oak and spruce. It has been many years since a flame. The horizon of lavender and yellow streaks the sky with new possibilities to ignite. As the rain drops on dead grass and crisp leaves, new sounds and senses are stirring and my mind is yearning. The cliche--"nothing ventured nothing gained", picks up with the wind which blows hard right about now. I should accept his invitation to go out let my defenses fall as the leaves brown and golden.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-10-21 10:50:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.42857
Donna, I can surely relate to the message in this multileveled poem. Your title is cleverly done. "I ought to Autumn" has a nice ring too. In your first stanza you contrast the brown(dying) of fall with the white of winter. The comparison/contrast also reminds me of the seasons of our life. I especailly like the phrase "the straw colored light will be white" with it's light/white rhyme. Nice touch. You have nicely phrased the second stanza with something that all readers will relate to. Time marches on. Then in stanza three you bring it back to nature which is refreshing. This is my favorite because the wording is so lovely: "It has been many years since a flame. The horizon of lavender and yellow streaks the sky with new possibilities to ignite." And it brings us back to the poets life. As I read on You are in tune with nature here and I like the balance you have between human and nature that you build upon here as you go on till boom at the end where you very eloquently decide to let your defenses fall and at the same time compare them to the leaves falling. Wow, I love that part. This is wonderfully done and thank you for sharing it. I'd say it was a truely enjoyable read with a very nice ending. Blessings, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2003-10-19 15:03:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57895
Hi Donna, I like the multi-layers of this poem, and the fine imagery. The metaphore of the poet as the season really works. The first stanza is echoed by the last, tying the poem together, as the poet consideres there is not much time left before winter (very old age or death) and like the trees the poet considers making the most of the season she is in. The leaves of Autumn become the defenses (against abandonment and loss?)whhich must be dropped to let life be lived, and risked for love. The imagery in this poem is really good and works for the poem on several levels. I don't see anything that needs changing, as the poem sounds and reads as if a great deal of skill has gone into shaping it. Rene

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jane A Day On Date: 2003-10-17 15:15:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Dear Donna, I Ought to Autumn Intriguing title. I am not sure what quite to make of it. Autumn becomes a verb--somthing we do and this title somthing we ought to do. So much time into the calendar soon the straw colored light will be white. Time to start something new before the frost sets in. I love the image of the first staza. I can see it so clear. The hay color of havest. I would like to start with the immedicany ofSoon the straw colored light and leave the abstrat of calanders behind. Remembrances of long walks and echoes of voices and trails walked on before. Time is moving on as Autumn, the weight is heavy. Lovely--you bring in the sound here. Bared by straw colored light strong limbs with twigs, upon which birds sit in oak and spruce. I love the light as actor here. It has been many years since a flame. The horizon of lavender and yellow streaks the sky with new possibilities to ignite. I hear I assumer there has been a fire and now this sun rising or setting remembers the possiblities. As the rain drops on dead grass and crisp leaves, new sounds and senses are stirring and my mind is yearning. Nice interalization of the season. The cliche--"nothing ventured nothing gained", picks up with the wind which blows hard right about now. I should accept his invitation to go out let my defenses fall as the leaves brown and golden. I love this merging with nature. Lovely. Thanks so much, Jane

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2003-10-14 05:39:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 7.50000
Donna--Wow! I hope like crazy this is non-fiction. Sounds like someone hasn't dated in quite awhile--for whatever reason. However, it appears they are about to take another plunge. Go for it girl! This poem is so subtle and filled with analogies--but right on! It made me want to date--smile. Beautiful, just beautiful. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-10-14 04:54:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84615
Hi Donna: Perhaps it is time for you to take that chance and begin again to live life sharing with someone other then yourself, take those leaves that you have painted brown and golden and bring them to life with those lovely shades of burnt orange which is so bright this week and add the traditional New England Red along side......now those two colors together will certainly give you jest.......to begin again by accepting his invitation to go out, let your defenses down for whatever readon they might have been up and just enjoy the moment. Your opening stanza to me represents the months already passed, Spring, Summer and now here we are into Fall of the year waiting for Winter to begin.......enjoyed the way you did created that beginning though...... It has been many years since a flame. The horizon of lavender and yellow streaks the sky with new possibilities to ignite Again, your words bring forth images of not only you but someone you know....waiting for you to allow him to join you....it has been many years since a flame......and the lavender and yelow streaks in the sky's horizon should indicate to you there is peace within so relax and let it happen..... Stop trying to convince yourself this is okay to do....you wrote it.....now do it.....take that chance and you will not be sorry.......It seems to me that your past memories have been good, deep and fulfilling.....perhaps it is not time to let them go but to put them aside and yes, allow another in to make new memories where only the two of you may go. Enjoyed the read, it was structured well, word flow allowing this reader to run with it.....to then stop, smell the flowers, listen to the birds, hear the rain as it fell gently upon the earth and to know in my heart you will take and make the right choice. Be safe, God Bless and thank you for sharing this with us. Claire

Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!