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This Poem was Submitted By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2003-10-16 20:58:13 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Two Diamantes

1. Cloud Twisted, turbulent Shifting, shaping, twisting Nimbus, cumulus, flurry, blizzard Fragmenting, forming, freezing Chaotic, fractal Snow 2. Mountain Solemn, wakeful Jutting, prodding, piercing Summit, pinnacle, firmament, skyscape Pillowing, blowing, rolling Spongy, supple Cloud

Additional Notes:
Thanks to Dan for the inspiration. The diamante form is diamond-shaped with 7 lines. They are usually written to compare two very different things by analyzing both. Each line has a requirement: Line 1: 1 NOUN-A Line 2: 2 ADJECTIVES-A Line 3: 3 verbs ending in “ing”-A Line 4: 2 NOUNS- for A + 2 NOUNS for B Line 5: 3 verbs ending in “ing” Line 6: 2 ADJECTIVES-B Line 7: 1 NOUN-B

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rebecca B. Whited On Date: 2003-11-06 20:10:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.76923
Hi Joanne, I am not familiar with the Diamante form, but as usual, you seemed to have mastered it! I read on the forum the discussion about this poetry form, and found it to be quite interesting. Your two offerings align perfectly with the structure. Cloud Twisted, turbulent Shifting, shaping, twisting Nimbus, cumulus, flurry, blizzard Fragmenting, forming, freezing Chaotic, fractal Snow I feel as if I have just been caught in a blizzard! LOL!! You seem to have captured the very essence of clouds and their motion aptly! Nice transition in line 4 from the description of the clouds to the action resulting in the snow. I like this one! Mountain Solemn, wakeful Jutting, prodding, piercing Summit, pinnacle, firmament, skyscape Pillowing, blowing, rolling Spongy, supple Cloud In this one about the mountain, I can just see him standing in all his majestic glory, reaching to the firmament, piercing the clouds. Kind of makes one wish he/she could reach up and pierce the sky and soar with the clouds! Hidden meaning here? I think so. I ramble, as I really want to finish this crit and get to your other submission, which truly captivates my senses, holds my heart! Great job, Beck

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-11-05 11:13:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88235
Yep, you have the style down and you have managed to use light and fluffy voewls for the first piece: Nimbus, cumulus, flurry, blizzard and hard consonant building blocks for the second Summit, pinnacle, firmament, skyscape and to end this hard strong poem in the clouds is a touch of erotic genius to add a touch of of your own talents to this sometimes elusive form.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jane A Day On Date: 2003-11-03 11:26:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.07143
Dear Joanne, My comments here are more about the form than the poem. Dan wacked me in for saying very little about his poem. For me, this is a great expercise like doing scales on the piano. I think it really tunes up the poetic mind. However, I think the poem would have to be beyond good to really stick with me over time. The things compared so diverse and stunning. I love especailly your verbs. I think much of the power of any poem rests (or moves) in its verbs. Thanks for sharing and engaging in this form, Jane

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-10-23 09:36:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.61905
Dear Joanne, This form is very pleasing to the eye and can really say alot in terms of comparison/contrast. A double in this case is twice as nice! I shared these with my 17y son, as he was walking by and noticed them on my screen. It was funny because when he first noticed them, he dismissed this particular form saying "We studied those Diamantes in poetry class last year, They aren't real poems", but then I read them aloud to prove a point to him. He was very impressed and decided that you had done well with this form. Of course you have to know Tony to realize this is a high complement. Your "Double Diamond" here is spectacular and engaging. Sounds like I'm talking about a ring doesn't it? haha. I might need more coffee before I write this. ;D These two Diamantes go together well, since mountains, clouds and snow sure do come together. When I went to Colorado, I saw a perfect example of this. I have seen alot of Diamantes that were complete opposites, but I really enjoy the way these come together in a more subtle manner. In fact they are quite stunning. The first one, with it's use of wonderfully descriptive words, has imagry that captures the imagination then sets it free to explore the possibities. An example of this is how I can picture in my minds eye the clouds as they shift and twist into different forms and grow thicker and more like storm clouds untill snow is forming and falling and I can look at each snow flake and see how it is different from all the others. Then theres the fact that when I first start reading I'm thinking of the soft shape shifting cottony type clouds that come with warm weather, the kind you lay in the grass and watch, and at the end the weather is brrrrr cold! As I said, this poem sets the imagination free! #2 Diamante is also full of that same kind of imagry. I can picture your magestic mountain and scale it, reaching the top, relax and enjoy the clouds that look as though I could reach out and touch them. Or I can view the mountain from a short distance away, in all it's glory, and watch the clouds as they form around it obscuring part of it and looking all surreal. Or......The possibilities are endless. Thanks twofold, because you gave me pause to daydream and because you gave a bonding moment with my son and a chance to teach him an important lesson about life. Your form of course is perfect. No surprise there. Blesings, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2003-10-20 17:15:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
LL: Remeber that I am weak, dizzy, foggy so my review will be brief and hopefully make sense. First, I am unfamiliar with your form, never having seen it before, and the notes help a great deal. Per the criteria you delineate, yours meet the rules. So why review when I'm ignorant and sick? I (as usual) am enchanted by your linguistics. I assume the three -ing verbs in line 4 ar for NOUN-B. I like the use of Noun-A in the first diamante being Noun-B in the second diamante. Seems to pair them well and the reiteration is pleasing. Also, mountain and snow and cloud are ultra harmonious. S1: wondrous use of sound thru nine susurrant words and four hard K's....then three lines of alliteration. Altho 50% of poets will tell you not to utilize "twist" twice, I like the way it rolls off my tongue. Only the Queen of Assonance would use "fractal" which is perfect and enhances "fragmenting" and "freezing." Then all those sounds which won you the throne:tur/flur and bus/lusand frag/frac etc, etc. Simply magical. S2: the first modifier is the best..."solemn". Additional alliteration in lines 3 and 6. The verb selection in diamante 2 is so right-on-the-nose with my favorite..."pillowing." "Spongy and supple" are not ordinary and sponge made me think about which ways that word applies to cloud, duh. Soaks up water and squeezes it out in rain. Dearest LL, I'm close to pulling the plug on my critique as words literally fail me. I'm not saying what I want nor saying anything adroitly. But if I send this on, you will at least know that I read, enjoyed, and love your writing here. I'm grateful for the use of a variant form and explicaton of same. Your achievement of comparison of two diverse things via analysis of each is further testimony to your gift and talent in writing. I personally believe you could write ad copy, instructions on a seed packet, the G.A.N. and win the Pulitzer for poetry. This is not idle chatter, my friend, but reality for me. Enjoyed this as I devour any poem with your name attached. You get better and better and your spiritual journey vibrates thru your words. My best wishes for the success of the poem and for your creativity to continue at this level...and higher. Laurel wreath to HRH, Your loyal subject Nekk

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-10-20 12:34:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25000
HI Joanne, Well you have taught me something today!! I hate to show my stupidity and confess that I have never seen this form of poetry, but I must. After reading this amazing poem I am convinced that to write like this and stay within the guidelines is just brilliant! You have chosen the perfect subject to write about as there are so many wonderful adjectives to describe natural phenomenon and you have captured all of them in this piece. Even if I possessed great knowledge about 'diamnte' I would no doubt say this piece is perfect. I would like to be brave enough to try this, however, it sounds a lot like work! As usual, Joanne, you have shown us another facet of your knowledge and talent. BLessings...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-10-17 08:39:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
There is so much to learn about styles, forms, and poetry thus this is another form I have never seen and from what I read you have captured it ever so well......the words used and chosen so well bring foth the images you are projecting along with the proper form. Thank you for posting and sharing this with us and for the time it must have taken to create such a piece and twice at that. My congratulations on a jos well done. Be safe, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2003-10-16 23:48:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.94444
Joanne--I think you've just scored a coup--As a first time venture you tackle not one, but "two" diamantes. That's true grit. The line requirements are right on the money. You've selected excellent descriptive and action parts of speech for your comparison distinction. Great imaginative use of the last, especially in the B--lines 2,4 & 6. Super job in unchartered waters--Thanks for being inspired enough to share and thanks for inspiring her Dan. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Darlene A Moore On Date: 2003-10-16 23:31:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 6.50000
Thanks for the introduction to an unfamiliar poetic style. As I read over the two you seem to be true to your rules with also writing an interesting duet of clouds/mountains. Both are inter-related in truemastery one to the other...you start and end with cloud. And often mountains both pierce and are shrouded by cloud. And the precipitation sandwiched between the two...I drove around a mountain once without ever being able to see it due to clouds and was rained on, sleeted on, snowed on with changing elevations. Well done.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2003-10-16 23:04:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
As a Genie confined in a bottle, diamantes, like a diamond from the middle french you show in this brilliant poem the discipline of a stylistic approach, and as in haiku not an easy feat to command. My gut tells me all the now, adjectives and verbs are in accordance with the prescribed formula, but along with the style the writers skill leavel for effectiveness hasn't at all been hampered by the approach. My Lord the format is great, the emphasis of prescribed usage is quite apparent. Now not being a technical critiquer I can honestly say you don't miss the beat, and extend your usage in the best possible way to this vague uncertainty for this non-techinical reader. Admire the skill, the raw discipline it takes to write to a prescribed format, but the Old Joanne brilliant usages of descriptives carry the complete mood for the shaping of your diamond. What's not to line, and if you feel a need to revise I once again with my errors in typing will gladly offer my impressions, the craggy mountain descriptive really reminded me of the lost symbol of the Man in the mountain that used to be the pride of N.E. Time and God saw the need to change, yet those clouds you asptly describe to me go hand in hand with the mountain, but then I look at the raw beauty of our world and have always been moved, the poem has the same effect, excvept you revert to a stylist form, Good show, you make it very difficult for the readerrship to profess liking one submission over another, you really do. Get that spaghetti ready if ever I make it out to Oregon to see Debbie, I shall be persistent in my great need to visit Washington, which is a state I camped in one May, with frest, clear bubbling brook, and raibow trout, fond manories these long years passed...Love, Stay well, Jo

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