This Poem was Submitted By: Robert L Tremblay On Date: 2003-11-12 01:13:43 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Last Conflict

Death rode the hillsides on his mighty steed                  With absent pathos his eternal creed, To search the ruins for remaining life, Not saddened by the final human strife. He galloped through the countryside forlorn, With mission's sense his armor to adorn, Undisturbed by the silence around him, Save for the sound of harps and angel's hymn. Nothing remained but buildings' charcoaled bones, Man's madness loosed on unprotected zones, When superpowers struggled to survive Each side's weaponry, with no one alive. Suddenly, Death could hear a muffled cry Of tiny infant who was left to die Beside his mother, who was silent now, And, Death, for one quick moment, wondered how. Death looked upon the bleeding infant small. With bulging eyes and frothing mouth as pall, And he wondered why infant suffered so While others died quickly so long ago. Death, unperturbed, briskly dismounted horse, Removed his steel dagger with no remorse, And plunged it through the dying infant's heart, Before remounting, weary, to depart.  
Copyright © November 2003 Robert L Tremblay

Additional Notes:
This is one of my "old" poems, going back to the early 1980's. I felt like posting it for now while I am working exhaustively on a new one, one of my complex poems that are quite exhausting to create, as I am beginning to realize.

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-11-30 20:43:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.44000
Hi Robert, I cannot tell you how much this piece effected me..especially now that we are at war and I have a grandson in Iraq. You have painted such a picture of 'Death'and his one and only quest that it makes chills up and down my spine. I have read this several times as it seems to compel me to do so. The rhyme and meter flows along from one word to the other as if it just rolled off your pen without effort... and I know it was not that easy to get the musical effect in each line. ..."absent pathos" perfect to describe 'Death'...."search ruins...not saddened" words that personify the cruelity of 'Death'...your story tells us that after man has created his own demise and the horror that goes along with it then Death comes along to make sure no one survives. ..."charcoaled bones...mans madness"...chilling...but then the bleeding child. This is the part that was the most gut wrenching for me. I wrote a poem sometime ago and posted it here about the war from a child's eye. I think the name of it is "Shy Thunder" anyway I have always feared and grieved for the children of war and the image you give in this piece is so revealing that it does give pain to the reader. The last lines that tell of 'Death' plunging his dagger into the child's heart is almost more than I can bear. This is a wonderful effort and will be first on my voting list. Peace...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2003-11-29 18:04:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Bob, This is a powerful and disturbing piece. "Absent pathos" implies Death's utter detachment, as he performs his appointed task. In the final battle there has been allowance made for the presence of evil, as well as of good. It's significant that you are careful to note the angelic music in the background. One assumes that the victims of this carnage have been elevated to a higher realm, which makes grieving for them a bit unnecessary ... and Death's attitude then becomes quite pragmatic. I find it an interesting touch that, despite the modern arsenal of weaponry and techological gadgets, Death still prefers to travel by horseback. This is probably the only horse left on earth. That death is "weary" implies an unavoidable sense of regret, even though he believes he feels no remorse for his actions. Ironically, the killing of the infant is in fact a gift of mercy, for the baby has no one to raise or even nourish him and is suffering horribly. Death's quick end to the baby's misery is in essence a form of redemption. His new exhaustion, as he rides off, signals that perhaps he is now possessed of the capacity for emotion and maybe even a spirituality hitherto unknown. As Donne might have said, "Death, thou shalt die!" He has no further duties to perform; humanity's efficiency has robbed him even of this useful occupation. Metrically, your lines flow well, with only one stumble (to my own ear) ... "Each side's weaponry, with no one alive." The catch of course is "weaponry" but there's really no other way to say it. However, as I tend to resist slavish adherence to iambics with never a break, this isn't really bothersome and, in fact, quite suits the line's content. This piece fully engages my attention and emotional response. In the end, I pity Death, which I did not expect. He is, after all, more servant than master. Excellent work, my friend. Take Care, Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-11-21 08:17:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.64000
poetry of this nature is exhausting not only to the writer perhaps but to the reader as well.....death, destruction, the end of the world and all its contents as we know of it....certainly we have read this in the bible but to see it so vividly portrayed here and written back twenty or so years.....amazing my friend......Death rides through the ruins of the world, examining man's inhumanity, searching to assure its completeness, making sure the job is correctly completed. Interesting how you portray how the rider has no emotions in the job he is about to complete.....death, final in completion of task.....to put an end to the life of the suffering child....seems like we have seen this in a dark movie of sorts yet you and I know in reality this could take place.... the world is on a path of destruction and there are thousands of innocent children left to die.....I would not want to be one that goes around killing in the end just to end their suffering for nothing else is left available to assist them in being well again........wow.....you certainly did create a piece back then my friend and thank you for sharing it with us today. Be safe, God Bless and I so look forward to the piece you are working on now.....Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2003-11-18 04:03:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
hi robert, nice piece you got here. however, i would suggest that you remove the "excess" words, those that enclosed in parentheses.then try reading your work again aloud.i like it actually. i hope to read more of your works in the future. take care. april The Last Conflict Death rode the hillsides on (his) mighty steed With absent pathos his eternal creed, To search (the) ruins for remaining life, Not saddened by (the) final human strife. He galloped through (the) countryside forlorn, With mission's sense his armor to adorn, Undisturbed by (the) silence around him, Save for (the) sound of harps and angel's hymn. Nothing remained but buildings' charcoaled bones, Man's madness loosed on unprotected zones, When superpowers struggled to survive Each side's weaponry, with no one alive. Suddenly, Death could hear a muffled cry Of tiny infant (who was) left to die Beside his mother, who was silent now, And, Death, for one quick moment, wondered how. Death looked upon (the) bleeding infant small. With bulging eyes and frothing mouth as pall, And he wondered why infant suffered so While others died quickly so long ago. Death, unperturbed, briskly dismounted horse, Removed his steel dagger with no remorse, (And) plunged it through the dying infant's heart, Before remounting, weary, to depart.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-11-17 15:11:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.64286
Hi Robert, Glad you posted this poem while working exhaustively on a new poem! I am excited to see it finalized. The Last Conflict is a powerful piece to personify death. It gives realistic views and scenarios reinforced by some amazing descriptors. The form is neat and the application of rhyme is effective to lessen the gravity of the emotions death can convey to the readers. It effectively starts with the impulsive personification: "Death rode the hillsides on his mighty steed With absent pathos his eternal creed," I can feel the playfulness of the mind of the author. And his mind soared far. The imagery is interesting. I can imagine riding on a horse running very very fast. It is evident in your visual here: "He galloped through the countryside forlorn, With mission's sense his armor to adorn," When you speak of death, what comes up to mind is tragic but this one is very lilting. SMILE. The gravity of the emotion is becoming higher in the fourth stanza. The association of the death of the infants is a realistic scene. It seems to portray abortion. I like the ending of the poem. It is satisfying and it did not make me hanging. I apologize but I could not see any flaw on the poem. It stands very artistic. Thank you so much for sharing, Robert. Glad to read this. Can't wait to see your exhausting poem. Jordan.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sean Donaghy On Date: 2003-11-13 14:27:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.85714
Robert - Good story-telling here! Death rides through the ruins of the world, examining man's inhumanity, searching to assure its completeness, making sure the job is correctly completed. Interesting portrayal of Death's indifference to, well, death, in that he finishes the job on the suffering infant not to alleviate the sufferiung but, simply, to complete the job. Could use a bit of polishing, in my opinion. Some clichés and forced (and somewhat ordinary) rhymes. Also some glitches in construction and syntax for the sake of metrics, like: "of tiny infant who was left to die" (might read more smoothly like this: "of a tiny infant, left to die"); or "And he wondered why infant suffered so" ("he wondered why the infant suffered so"); One more: "Death, unperturbed,briskly dismounted horse/Removed his steel dagger without remorse" ("Death dismounted his pale, white horse/Unsheathed his dagger without remorse") My opinion, of course. Thanks for the effort. Sean
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2003-11-12 10:57:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.46667
Robert--Very apt title for this morbid piece. The rhyme scheme for your couplets seemed to fit without being too contrived. I too believe that the next big one will be "The Last Conflict." Great metaphors for "Death" activities, i.e., "...rode the hillside on his mighty steed...,""...search the ruins for remaining life...," "...through the countryside forlorn,..." "...could hear a muffled cry..." "...looked upon the bleeding infant small...," "...uperturbed, briskly dismounted horse,..."and etc... Your descriptors metaphorically depicts a too realistic account of a nuclear aftermath! Poet, you've painted a horror scene that was visited upon Nagasaki, Japan in 1945: the U.S. target for an atomic bomb! As horrific as you've written it--it is such a possibility. Thanks for reaching back in your archive to retrieve this piece for sharing with us at TPL. TLW
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