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This Poem was Submitted By: Ken Dauth On Date: 2003-11-17 19:35:39 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Rush

Entwined desires cascade the evening’s shoulders Touching softly arms that reach Envisioning chance embraces as destiny fulfilled hope Lost in distant smokey places a touch ripples Through the night kindling dusty corners of passion Long time less then idle and forgotten The charge alights as touch becomes a hold And the night frames each timeless moment All movement is continuous all thought subjected The taste of intimacy swells ravenous appetites More is desired yet still a control is felt Unsure of the path the hunger stalks Soft breathing stutters and shakes, a hand trembles Indecision is wafting quietly Desire is now fate at edge of delight Reclining in whispers and conversed moans Tingled senses await satiated murmurs The rush encountered is wanting encores

This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2003-11-26 19:29:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
Ken; Ahh...the blessed rush!! and left wanting encores!! What energy!! what delight!!! Rush slowly...seems the underlying message. Thanks for a delightful read. Take care, Gerard

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-11-26 09:43:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.64286
Dear Ken, This sensual poem has much to offer and I am glad it surfaced on my list. I really don't feel the title does this writing justice, though. I think after this beautiful encounter, it takes something away to simply call it "The Rush". More fitting would be maybe "Zenith" or something similar. But then, I may have missed the point. Starting with this metaphor "Entwined desires cascade the evening’s shoulders" is quite a lovely way to begin and gives the reader the image of their desires entwined, which is a delightful one. There is much assonance that wafts through this poem. With the subtle alleration of entwined/envisioning added to the mix, the first stanza grabs the reader and doesn't let go. There is a surreal flavor that swirls through this piece, making the reader even more "held" by the words. The second strophe adds to this effect with "Lost in distant smokey places a touch ripples Through the night kindling dusty corners of passion". "Long time less then idle and forgotten"---this line either needs a coma after "less" or a change to "th[a]n", I think. The image of the spark uniting thoughtfull passion and tactile sensation in strophe three is quite breathtaking. The metaphor of hunger stalking goes well with "The taste of intimacy swells ravenous appities" One can feel the tention and building of energy here, only to explode in strophe five. "Desire is now fate at edge of delight"----I love this line! Ken , this poem excites me just reading it and is an example of excellent writing. Many of your phrasings are just exquisite. Thank you for sharing this sensual piece. My best, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-11-18 16:24:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Hi Ken, Well now since I have had my cold shower I will attempt to critique this piece. Of course it is very sensual and very well written. It has a poetic sense that I find pleasing and arractive...."Entwined desires cascade..." love these words together to set the scene...the reader knows there is more to come...."smokey places a touch ripples"..."touch becomes a hold...night frames each timeless moment"..."the taste of intimacy swells ravenous appitites"...that line really got me!..."soft breathing stutters and shakes...desire is now fate at the edge of delight"..these are such wonderful descriptive words...."tingles senses await satiated moans"...if I am not mistaken Willie Shakespear described a climax as "the little death"...however...I like your version better. This is a well crafted poem about love between two people who love each deeply. Nothing can be more beautiful than that...bravo for this one! Peace...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Annette L Cowling On Date: 2003-11-18 15:29:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.12500
Ken - I cannot believe what a great poem this is! You have exciting emotion in every stanza and your word choices are excellent! I wouldn't change a thing. Annette

This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2003-11-18 03:12:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
hi ken, thanks for sharing this poem. i like the spontaneity of the lines as well as the artistic flow of thoughts. the topic is neatly empasized and felt, from the first line up to the last.you are a gifted poet and i believe you will earn laurels for it.i like the last stanza of the poem, i.e., Reclining in whispers and conversed moans Tingled senses await satiated murmurs The rush encountered is wanting encores it expresses intimacy of two people,most likely husband and wife, wanting to do what they just did over and over again.i hope i got it. please share more of your poems.thanks again.take care. april

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