This Poem was Submitted By: Sergio M chavez On Date: 2003-11-19 17:42:07 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Deja Vu

It was only yesterday when Your actions screwed up my life You abused her while I stared in silence Your hateful screams filled my young heart with fear You took it out on me. It was only yesterday when You told me to kill you, too bad I didn’t You hit me if I talked back or cried I promised never to be like you suppressing my anger and tears You push away those who love me. It was only yesterday when I found out what you’ve done to me Is this what you do to those you love? I hate you i fucking hate you fuck you bastard i’m gonna kill you i swear to God i will get away from me you filthy sick fuck you don’t deserve to live i’ll never forgive you brother.

Copyright © November 2003 Sergio M chavez

Additional Notes:
Just another repressed memory. Thanks for reading.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sean Donaghy On Date: 2003-12-02 15:07:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.96552
Wow! Powerful! Strong and biting! Your words whip the senses! Reading this fills one with the anxiety, fear and pain of the story. And that means it is really well done! You've done a fine job with this...If there are wounds, I hope they heal! Thanks for the read Sean

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-11-21 12:45:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Sergio....I have visited the page where you post a bio on oneself if desired and found nothing on you. Perhaps you might like to open the door and allow us a look into your might help to further understand some of the poetry you post here on the link....just a thought... This piece is filled with such pain......deep pain, felt within your soul and extended out toward others.....from beginning to end it appears the form of abuse has been within your family life, smaller sister perhaps as you had to watch, then onto yourself as you felt the pain and humiliation of it all......was there no one to stop this abuse, to turn to? Where was your mother during this horrible time? Just wondering why some are so beaten and abused and others never feel the edge of it.....this person asked you to kill him and though you might have wanted to the fear within you kept you free from that and that my friend is good.....I could not imagine the horror of killing someone no matter what....and the guilt you would have lived with after even though the person deserved it our heart and our mind plays tricks on us over and over again.....your closing stanza has me a little off guard thinking perhaps this was your father abusing you but in closing you mention a brother......again, good structure with word flow allowing the images to come and grab bringing pain and sorrow along with it......thank you for posting, for taking the time to let your emotions run like they do for that is healthy in the long run.....I pray it has helped....I hope you know that nothing that happened to you was of your own fault or doing........a sick person is all it takes and someone who allows it over and over safe my friend and God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2003-11-20 18:02:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.87500
Sergio, this poem does a good job of eliciting emotion, not just the rage that the narrator is feeling but also regret and a sadness that this is allowed to happen. The last section where you break away from stanza patterns and set line lengths is especially effective it allows emotion to flow more freely. Sandra
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-11-20 15:57:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Hi Sergio, This powerful poem grabs the reader and does not let go until the last word is read. In the beginning I was sure this was abuse from your father but the last line "i'll never frogive you brother" tells me it was in fact your brother. The woman you speak of could have been your mother, a sister, or your brother's wife. Never-the-less it was awful for you so much so that your inner peace was shattered...."you abused her while i stared in silence"..this event obviously is so painful for you but you were too young to deal with this kind of insanity and you should not suffer because of that. I know that is easy for me to say since I never felt the hand of abuse...."you told me to kill you..too bad i didn't" more feelings of remorse....the line "you push away those who love me" seems to be written in the present this abuse still happening?..."is this what you do to those you love?" Again this line makes me wonder how this person is still hurting you. And then the last lines which are abviously full of hate and anger that has never left you. Your post script says this is another repressed memory which is profoundly one should have to live with such hurtful memories. Your poetry is dark and powerful and seems to come straight from your heart and soul. Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Kenneth R. Patton On Date: 2003-11-20 13:09:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 7.00000
Very powerful and painful to read. Interesting the way the poem starts with you, you, you, and ends with I, I'm, I'll. That is you taking your power back. Even if it should not be acted on. Thanks for sharing, pain shared is cut in half.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2003-11-20 06:07:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Dear Sergio; Moving poem about the stark realities of living in a disfunctional family with an abusive sibling. Strong language mirrors the strong feelings of hurt associated with such treatment. It is a good thing to vent these geelings. Continue writing until you exhaust this topic. Try writing more short poems on different aspects of this relationship...until your pen tells you to pick something else. An important and moving piece...Thanks for sharing. Take care, Gerard
This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2003-11-20 01:14:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.34783
hi sergio, i have enjoyed reading your poetry mainly because of its strength.i know how it is when something about you is repressed or something to that effect...your poem was written well but i just want to comment and suggest on the breaking of the lines: THIS IS YOUR POEM AS YOU WROTE IT: It was only yesterday when Your actions screwed up my life You abused her while I stared in silence Your hateful screams filled my young heart with fear You took it out on me. It was only yesterday when You told me to kill you, too bad I didn’t You hit me if I talked back or cried I promised never to be like you suppressing my anger and tears You push away those who love me. actually there is nothing wrong with it when you read it but when you LOOK at it, thats a different story. i believe it would look better if you cut it like this: SO THIS IS MY SUGGESTION: It was only yesterday when Your actions screwed up my life You abused her while I stared in silence Your hateful screams filled my young heart with fear You took it out on me. It was only yesterday when You told me to kill you, too bad I didn’t You hit me if I talked back or cried I promised never to be like you suppressing my anger and tears like i said, its just a suggestion. thanks and i hope this helps you. take care and God bless.april You push away those who love me.
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