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This Poem was Submitted By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-12-06 01:37:42 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Rural Shindig

Like a lady in full sheen, The party reeked with lavish revel Sly spongers, prickly-chinned hangers-on In din had arrived pretty early. Wily gate-crashers, dim-witted scare crows Wearing collar buttons, mauve cravats, They seemed in a promenade When the news ran like electric shock. Frolic wham reverberated Traffic bustled In the salon of wide staircase Green banistered, Chinese porcelain brocaded Frame carved in Renaissance fashion, Chandeliers glinted over bulging eyes Orchestra wafted in the air With the tinkle of silver and china, Wenches in pristine chic Crones in straggly hair Conjoined the jovial festivity.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-01-30 13:51:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I like this poem very much. My favorite line is the "Green banistered, Chinese porcelain brocaded" line. I like the idea of porcelain 'brocading'. I can see it striking a pose, like Madonna. This is consistent with the intention of the rest of the poem. Small references remind me of pop stars, and Oscars- like 'wham" they were a glam group if there ever was one... At the end, this sensibility is a bit overcome by the orchestra and chic wenches and crones who are inevitably at these functions, and I am reminded of the theater or symphony where these people are. Great work, as it hits out broadly at that group of riche that we all wonder about. REEG!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-01-04 11:30:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Rural Shindig Like that title although the word "shindig" would be enough as most "shindigs" are pretty rural Like a lady in full sheen, The party reeked with lavish revel interesting use of words - that expression lady in "full sheen" captures a lot about the plight of these women Sly spongers, prickly-chinned hangers-on These must be they guys, but you need a better transition In din had arrived pretty early. perhaps "had arrived early in the din..." Wily gate-crashers, dim-witted [scarecrows] Wearing collar buttons, mauve cravats, mauve cravats? Really? They seemed in a promenade When the news ran like electric shock. good foreshadowing Frolic wham reverberated Traffic bustled In the salon of wide staircase taffic in the salon? people traffic? Green banistered, Chinese porcelain brocaded Frame carved in Renaissance fashion, Chandeliers glinted [down on]bulging eyes Orchestra wafted in the air With the tinkle of silver and china, Wenches [pretty dismissive to women term!] in pristine chic Crones in straggly hair [Joined the jovial festivity.] Doesn not sound too rural - unless it is perhapos a brothel? interesting piece, Jordan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-12-31 08:26:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78947
poet, this is a very busy poem with much activity taking place. Superb descriptors throughout: "like a lady in full sheen(nice simile), party reeked with lavish revel (assonance of "ee" and "e"),"sly spongers" dim-witted scare crows(reminds me of me), news ran like electric shock (good simile). Good structure with nice word flow bringing forth images as one reads on down. Sounds like one big shindig that was created and enjoyed by all...thanks for posting and sharing with us. Be safe enjoy this day for it closes out the old and rings in the new....Happy New Year....God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: C Arrownut On Date: 2003-12-29 15:11:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Well Jordan, this time I'm the one who's mystified. It sounds like you're describing a party that's totally out of hand. I'm not sure what news alerts everyone, but then it seems everyone is going down the stairs, or trying to, at the same time. And it's causing trouble, maybe even people getting hurt. But then in the last two lines, it sounds like everyone has joined together to enjoy the festivities. Since I know little about Phillipino culture, it's hard for me to picture this. Also, I got the impression that both the rich and poor were at the party, intermingling without class prejudice. I liked the expressions: sly spongers, scare crow (to describe some men), and after that gate crashers worked in perfectly. Also liked the description of the staircase which conveys the impression that this party is being held at a rich person's house, or some kind of grand ballroom. Though I'm not sure what the poem as a whole means, I enjoyed reading your detailed images. Great description. Keep up the good work. C. Arrownut

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2003-12-26 18:21:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jordan: This may be a rural shindig but sounds like what we call a bash or blast or ball. This must have been one wild party with the cast of characters who people it and your outstanding descriptors. Stanzaic free verse is my favorite form and affords you the freedom of expression you need for this delightful poem. "Like a lady in full sheen, The party reeked with lavish revel. Sly spongers, prickly-chinned hangers-on In din had arrived (quite) early. Wily gate-crashers, dim-witted scare crows Wearing collar buttons, mauve cravats, They seemed in a promenade When the news ran like electric shock." I don't know where to start as this poem is as lavish as your shindig. I like your use of the letter L in eight words in the first four lines...giving a lilt and lyrical quality to my ears. You certainly limn a motley assortment of party goers: I like "sly spongers' and full-sheened ladies and "prickly-chinned hangers on." You use internal rhyme like din/chin and so many instances of assonance, I cannot delineate same. Your utilization of the letter W in the last half of the poem affected me as the L did. I long to see idiot scare crows in mauve cravats and collar buttons...kind of an antiquated look to the attire. Your imaginative aspect is appealing and charming. You have drawn a Daliesque picture, surrealistic. "Frolic wham reverberated Traffic bustled In the salon of wide staircase Green banistered, Chinese porcelain brocaded Frame carved in Renaissance fashion (mode?) Chandeliers glinted over bulging eyes Orchestra (music) wafted in the air With the tinkle of silver and china, ....exquisite line.... Wenches in pristine chic Crones in straggly hair Conjoined the jovial festivity." .....nice J sounds.... It appears the host or hostess allowed any and all folks to join in the revelry... the oxymoron of a pristine wench, crones with unwashed tresses, along with those persons mentioned in the 1st stanza, would make a democratic gathering. The house where the lavish blow-out occurs is deftly described. I would like to walk down a wide staircase with green banisters, lovely carved frame, and glinting chandeliers. Jordan, your imagery is as lush as brocade or velvet and I highly enjoyed it. Your poem is unique, crisp, and original...very much new-age or post-modernist. I may not get your import but once it's posted, it belongs to us to make of it what we will. My opinion is that your party sounds like those of my youth in the 60's...all seen thru the haze of marijuana (or whatever) smoke. I'm not implying anything offensive but if Sherlock Holmes and his opium pipe appeared, it would not be surprising! This is a delightful read, a poem for which I would/will vote, and an accomplished dazzle of word display. Kudos! Best wishes, Mell

This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2003-12-17 03:43:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
wow jordan, youre getting better! i actually like this one. i hope to see more of this in the future. thanks for sharing it.april

This Poem was Critiqued By: madge B zaiko On Date: 2003-12-16 01:32:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.83333
What a piece of worK! It rolls off your tongue like chocolate bubbles... Very detailed, very much like a masked dance. Hidden behind the costume of words lies a spectator drunk in images almost laughing with each line. I really think this is fun! The only thing that confused me was the line"Frolic wham reverberated" I am not really clear on it's meaning. Thank you for the great imagery. Blessings -Madge

This Poem was Critiqued By: Terrye Godown On Date: 2003-12-15 23:03:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Great adjectives.. a vivid scene of bizarrity to say the least. The line: "When the news ran like electric shock." Kinda threw me though. At first I figured this was depicting a costume party.. or even the experience of one attending their first Mardi-Gras, but then that line dropped in a motive of sorts.. From this one emanates a loud boisterous, concert of the imagination... um.... mine I'd say, not necessarily that of the writer's! Very captivating, but it seemed I just skimmed over it's true meaning! Gpnna shed some more light on it for me? Cheerz, Terrye

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-12-12 11:22:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Jordan, I've been waiting for more of your thouroughly entertaining poetry. This lighthearted piece is chock full of festive, colorful vocabulary. "Rural Shindig" calls to mind the sprawling country manor party of an era gone by. Something straight out of Shakepeare's "Much ado about nothing". I much enjoy reading this piece, Jordan. You start with an extraordinary simile and go on to describe the guests with great visuals. I like the despritions you use: "Sly spongers" (nice allit) "prickly-chinned hangers-on" "wilely gate-crashers", "dim-witted scarecrows" are all wonderful imagry and an abundance of colorful descriptions. As a people-watcher, I think I would enjoy being a little mouse in the corner at this shindig. "Frolic wham reverberated " this is an interesting combination of words, but I am having trouble understanding your meaning here. I am thinking that both wham and reverberated are verbs and I have never seen them used together like this. Stanza two's description of the party sounds luxurious and inviting. I can close my eyes and picture the scene from your imagry. Thanks for sharing this piece, Jordan. It sets my imagination free. Blessings, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2003-12-09 17:57:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jordan, Damn. The thing about these masques, you never know who will show up, and don't know when they do. You should have doffed the mask, introduced yourself, and thrown down a pint with the big codpiece. And had a drink with me, too. This sounds like a party for a Montague dog like me. Cheers, Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2003-12-07 12:35:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jordan--This one has a lot going on! Just superb descriptors throughout: I have lots and lots of favorites, i.e., "like a lady in full sheen(nice simile), party reeked with lavish revel (assonance of "ee" and "e"),"sly spongers" (alliteration), prickly-chinned hangers-on/ wily gate-crashers, dim-witted scare crows(great metaphors), news ran like electric shock (good simile). I liked the refreshing word combinations, i.e., mauve cravats, frolic wham reverberated, Chinese porcelain brocaded, wenches in pristine chic, and crones in straggly hair. The vocabulary conjured up some pretty funny images. One heck of a party, but it sure doesn't seem rural. Wished I had been there-smile. Really fun read. Thanks for sharing this with us. TLW

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