This Poem was Submitted By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-12-27 17:54:59 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Country Pumpkin

Come join me for memories past Life was no different then Country Pumpkin City Punpkin Now one in the same to me As I listenend to the scratching Against the bathroom door Before me opened  a screen Of twenty or more years ago "Get my gun" ...he yelled Handing it over ....slam went the door I did not see a thing  Though two shots rang out  Sounding like a ping pong  effect  One catches as it hits the  cooking pans   Though this one came from inside the tub The cursing began The door flew open The hunter ran out Well look at that  Big fat juicy squirrel in pursuit The chase is on Who is the hunter and the huntee I laughed though I now stood on top Of the kitchen table, safe I thought He stops, he turns, he takes aim and fires Once, twice and down he falls Dead as a door nob  Blood splattered all over the rug Lord why not in the hallway? I have to chuckle now as I did back then The hunter was exhausted  Had to lie down to rest Though the squirrel layed out flat I thought he did okay Today I am off to buy me some rat poison Perhaps a bucket to hold the water too No gun  needed here in Tully Just ask Mr. Rabbit who got away last year Or check out the garden hose filled with pellets In my latest attempt to catch us some supper  Country life, indeed it fits me just fine....... 

Copyright © December 2003 Claire H. Currier

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-01-02 03:13:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Claire, Wow what an energetic country life you have presented us here! I just came from a Christmas vacation in our province and I am very excited to go back critiquing. Now, your poem adds my excitement. This is very dynamic and a fun to read. Your poem reflects your personality for it is your own life you have portrayed. I can feel tha every aspect of your life is blessed with joy and bountiful blessings. I would be very glad if you confer it to me. This poem is not to be considered for technical critique because this is life. I can see freedom in your thoughts, in your words and in your actions. I just experienced a kind of life during my vacation in our province. There, it is totally a different life. It is very remote, there is no electricity, there is no telephone, there is no frige to have a cool drink, very different but I enjoyed there. People are welcoming, friendly and hospitable. Alright, based on your poem, there is a oneness to our in the Lord. Thank you very much for sharing. Looking forward to critique your poem "Visions of Yesterday", I see it has a higher score in the winning list so far. Happy New Year! Jordan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wanda S. Thibodeaux On Date: 2004-01-01 03:29:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Claire: What a smile catcher this is. Indeed, country life is most fitting for the finest. "Who is the hunter and the huntee" made me giggle and it's two-fifteen on New Year's morning. I laughed at the phrase, "dead as a doornob." We used to say dumb as a doornob and dead as a doornail. It is so good to see you submitting. This is the perfect ending to my night. I have been up with grandchildren and their friends to watch the new year come in. This has been my first chance to get to the computer and participate at all this month. This poem reminds me of driving in one night to find long-legged raccoons in my flower bed, their eyes, bright and beady, absolutely scared us to death. They were taller than I could ever imagine a raccoon being. I was told they had long legs like that because they were city raccoons and ate from dumpsters so they had to be tall...oh well. Best wishes for a wonderful New Year. May life get better and better for you. Love, Wanda
This Poem was Critiqued By: madge B zaiko On Date: 2003-12-31 16:15:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.39286
What a fun story!!!! I can almost hear your laugh in the background!!!!! My suggestion to you is to just comb through it again... there are some points that aren't as clear as others was the squirrell chasing him at one point? When did he turn on the hunter? Were they in the tub to begin with? It jumps from scene to scene and I am just losing touch of the progression... though, it was such fun to read regardless! Happy New Year!! Blessings -Madge
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-12-29 11:39:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.95000
Claire, You don't bless us often, but, you sure bless us good! Your poetry is always so joyful, like a celebration of life. I love that about you! This poem makes me laugh and giggle. It is a humerous masterpiece. Your tribute to country memories past vs city present is the most fun I've had reading poetry in ages. It vaguely of reminds me of a story book from my childhood. Love the title, "Country Pumpkin", and the use of free verse to tell the story makes it flow nicely. Starting with Come join me is an inviting beginning. It puts the reader at ease as we realize , right off the bat, we are accepting an invitation to have fun. The second stanza morphs into yesteryear and I enjoy the wording that signals the morph: "Before me opened a screen Of twenty or more years ago" You also have a slant rhyme of more/door and assonance with As/scratching/against and also handling/slam which adds a smoothness. "I did not see a thing Though two shots rang out Sounding like a ping pong effect One catches as it hits the cooking pans Though this one came from inside the tub" This stanza effectly uses imagry even though it starts with "I did not see a thing" . I am chucking big time as I picture the shot ping ponging. Your consonance with ping/pong bounces right off the page. The fourth stanza is just hilarious for this reader. I am now laughing heartily and so hooked I couldn't turn away if I needed to. "Who is the hunter and the huntee" indeed! In s5 you continue the hilarity with the image of you standing on the table. By now my abdominal muscles are convulsing! In s6 for about a half second, I wasn't quite sure if it was the hunter or huntee that fell. lol I'm again convulsing with laughter at the mention of why not in the hallway. It always has to be the most inconvenient place, you know. Then we come back to the present and your Mr Rabbit. Oh CLaire this is such a refreshingly fun piece! Thank you so much for sharing it with us. I love your perspective on life. Blessings, Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2003-12-28 15:55:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Oh there is plenty of squirrels here in Sooke, and it drives my cat nuts every time he sees one scampering across the lawn. I can just envision that squirrel of yours out witting the hunter. Quite a farce where the hunter had to lay down and rest, and even then did not get his prey until he was exhausted. Very colourful poem, and funny to boot. P.S.: Don't you mean Bumpkin? Thanks for posting this delightful piece. Your structure and format worked well (but I do think your title needs to be changed to the proper word).
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2003-12-28 13:02:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.55556
Dear Claire, This one made me smile! I could just picture the chase that went on and those pesky squirrels sure can cause some damage if they get into the house. My Mom had made a friend of one who would come to the door and beg for corn! Once it got in, he no longer got fed! Just brought back some funny memories. Country life, maybe, we do have some of the same things in the city. Coons, squirrels and rabbits that eat my flowers! Even a ground squirrel that we thought we would never get rid of! This was a fun read even thought I have never been able to eat wild game no matter what it was! A phobia I guess. Have a happy and successful New Year! Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2003-12-28 11:51:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.56250
Hi Claire, I found this poem really enjoyable. My husband used to hunt, but thank goodness, kept it to deer in the woods in season. I wandereed back in time with this one as I remembered one morning at home when our cat chased our dog which was chasing a squirel around my bedroom while I cowered under the covers with the pillow over my head. If you could have seen the huge gouges that squirl out of the wood around the windows in my room, you would understand why your poem gave me the shudders as I first read it. The poem itself moved well as I read it. I did have to re-read the part about the tub and shooting, as I couldn't quite picture it. I particularly liked the fact that you put in the current day solution and Mr. rabbit's escape. Thanks for an entertaining read and a revisit to the past... Happy new Year! Rene
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-12-27 22:16:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.67857
Dear Claire, My goodness where has your poetry been...gone for so long and now you have written this gem and made me laugh and laugh with glee. What an hillarous scene this must have been. The shooting, surely the cooking pans were pinging when they were hit and the cursing...must have the cursing to add spice to this delightful display....I can say delightful as it didn't happen in my house!! A fat juicy squirrel...who is the hunter and who is the huntee...very clever! You watching from your safe perch on the table just adds to the humor of this piece. "dead as a door nob"....out west we all say 'dead as a door nail'....I think I like nob better. Then our poor hunter must lay down to rest a bit as I am sure he was a bit winded after the hunt. I love the last stanza where you bring the reader back into this time and place but it is all the same after it not? My husband used to have bird feeders in our backyard and he had one squirrel (who he named Bandit) who climed up the pole to the bird houses and ate their seed. Everyday he had some contraption that he had dreamed up to combat Bandit but nothing detered that squirrel. One day I came home from work and he said "Well Bandit beat me again today"...I have to confess that I did laugh but he was out there again the next morning to continue the battle of wits. This is such a fun piece with a feel good theme...please keep writing...don't deprive us of your talent! Blessings...Marilyn
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