This Poem was Submitted By: Michele Rae Mann On Date: 2003-12-31 04:27:45 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!

Mastering My Illusions

Pumping, beating irrationally Darkness, blackness, trepidation Sacred thoughts run rampant Stillness into motionless Revelation is mastered Creativity is spawned Friction Tension Pain Swallow Wait Function Voices eased Fear vanished Creativity is gone

Copyright © December 2003 Michele Rae Mann

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-01-02 18:50:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78333
To read this one more then once, to feel the emotions pacted within, to hear and feel the rapid beat of your heart as your illussions tend to overtake you at any particular moment all of this brings back a time in my own personal life, fifteen years worth to be exact, of anxiety what great strength they even put me paralyzed......and when they left it was just as beat of the drum, just the quieting of my own heartbeat, no more freezing spells, shaking of my body without control...... fear, I wish I knew what it was that caused this to happen so I could never feel it again........when I had my fourteen heart attacks they reminded me of the panic attacks therefore I avoided seeking help.....if I did perhaps I would have caused me less pain in the end....but today, fourteen heart attacks later, open heart surgery , triple by pass and new aortic valve, I also have neuropathies in both legs getting worse day by day, cannot climb stairs any longer nor hills, I have two lung diseases which are terminal , I am losing my eyesight as well...............and the fear is gone......Praise God.....thanks for posting this most difficult piece to not only write but perhaps share as well though I am sure it is going to help others with the same safe, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2004-01-01 11:34:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.63636
I have to approach this poem from my own history. After several readings I find the poem very interesting indeed. The use of space seems to mirror the emotional conditions being described. The lines begin in a rush, and are lengthy, and then, like a person coming out of a nightmare with a rapidly beating heart that slows with coming to full consciousness, the lines shorten until the beat is one word, steady and regular. In those moments as our unconscious shouts to us without the veil of organized thoughts and creativity is at its height, we conceive the poetry living in our mind's subconscious. Fully awake, the poem retreats from the conscious mind into the casm of the subconscious again. I think the job of using the form to create the art has really worked here. The lines of the poem lengthen at the end signaling (I think) a return to a normal conscious state. There is a second way of reading this poem, one of the experience of a dissociate, a manic-depressive or severely depressed person being returned to a normal state by medication, which (to my mind absolutely horrifying) unfortunately flattens the emotional responses and with that flattening, kills creativity. I really respect this poem for its versitility. I hope you will tell me what it means to you, as it certainly is interesting! Thanks for the memories... Rene
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2003-12-31 16:52:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.15385
This poem has an elegant beat to it. Are you in the "dark" when writing? I liked the one word structure to I gives it a beat and a flavour. I must rush. Thanks for posting this. I am sure a lot of us writers go through this same scenario, but you put it into words. HNY.
This Poem was Critiqued By: madge B zaiko On Date: 2003-12-31 15:54:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.39286
what a beautiful image(as i see it) of the process to which you write? All the depths of the soul swirling into a melodious rhythmn that becomes your thoughts and emotion and finally your poem. Beautifully written!!!! I enjoyed this very much. Thank you and Happy new year! -Madge
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-12-31 15:31:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72222
Hi Michele, I know it is true that some writings are created when the author is under some type of fact I notice I write with more intensity when I write about a stressful event. I think you have done a good job with this piece in demonstrating that..."pumping, beating, darkness, blackness, trepidation" These words personify stress and the hard sounds make them more profound...."friction, tension, pain, swallow (great) wait" These one words lines are very effective here..when read aloud they remind me of the beats of a march...."voices eased, fear vanished, creativity gone." Apparently not all gone as you so aptly put your emotions into words letting the reader see inside you and feel your pain. Thanks for sharing your intermost feelings and keep writing! Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2003-12-31 14:13:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Michele--Great title and aptly applied to processes rendered through your "list poem." Excellent plain language used to describe what appears to be a schizoid episode. This "dark" piece has two sequential mixed parts, plus a redeeming twist. Vivid imagery of the hearts activity created by combination of descriptive gerunds (pumping, beating) and adverb (irrationally). Nightmarish feelings brought to mind by combination of adjectives(darkness, blackness) and noun (trepidation). Internal rhymes of "pumping/beating; darkness/blackness; stillness/ motioness combined with statement of "sacred thoughts run rampant" emphasizes the ominous tone of the piece. Moreover, at the same time, this menacing gives rise to aberrant intelligence (revelation mastered/creativity spawned). Finally, use of intervention ("friction/tension/pain"), maybe by experts or specialists (counseling/treatment/medication), indicated by a turn/twist (swallow/wait/function). Apt intervention caused a cease in anxiety/terror (voices eased/fear vanished) as well as the inventive processes (creativity gone). Visually pleasing, neat, and concise with sparse punctuation. This allows uniterrupted flow that heighten the read. Line breaks and single word lines serve as natural punctuation combined with internal rhymes establishes a rhythmic ebb, feel, flow, and tone. Thanks for sharing this unique poem with TPL. TLW
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to Database Page!