This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-01-14 22:58:28 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © January 2004 Erzahl Leo M. Espino
japanese verse 37 (Top)
Elegantly spins her dance
Pleasing her master
Ballerina girl - refers to the Toy Top
master - refers to the child / youngster
I just feel I need to explain this further. To Turner and Jordan, no problem...I understand (yes, metaphors are quite tricky). :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-02-03 11:08:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84615
Ezrahl, Hi, and again what a pleasure to read this one!
Yes, I couldn't agree more that the spinning top has a graceful
look that charms the socks off of young children. My dog is totally
intrigued by them, as well. hehe
Your choice of words here is very entertaining and unique.
Thanks for this delightful offering.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie L Fischer On Date: 2004-01-29 21:02:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.54545
Hi Erzahl, Ballerina girl spins magic for her master just as you spin magic for us readers.
You are the master of haiku. As always, I enjoyed very much your work. Keep them coming:)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2004-01-27 14:48:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.22222
I appreciate you additional note. I thought your haiku was about a real ballerina, and I am sure that it could be.
I remember my sister had a pink jewelery box with a ballerina on it in a white ballerina dress. She played incessentaly with the ballerina and cared little about the contents of the box. She would stare at it hour after after playing that music box song that drove me mad.
40 years later I have been reminded of her happy days and you have brought a smile to my day with your well structured and wonderful poem.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-01-21 14:09:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.85000
I like the simplicity of the poem as analogous to the simple joy seen in the kids. Super nicely done. Not quite a haiku- 8 in the middle- but still very nice.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-01-17 19:08:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57143
very effective use of imagery, ee.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-01-17 12:32:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Again a very beautiful rendition of haiku. Always in perfect for, (Iwould expect nothing less) and since I have now written a few of these myself, I know how difficult it can be to put your thoughts into such a structured form and make it work, as well as make it beautiful. You are the master, still think you ought to branch out, send in to some places that want haiku especially, likes Brooks Books.
Thanks for sharing,
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-01-15 08:51:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.68421
Erzahl....upon reading this one the image set forth immediately coming to life was a toy I had bought for my daughter many years ago......a spinning top which indeed had the ballerina dancer and as you pumped this toy with the handle on top the ballerina went round and round and her legs and arms moved while music was playing.........indeed she elegantly spinned her dance, made both my daughter and I smile with pleasure of the sight and thus you could say she pleased her master......well done my friend, nicely put together, superb choice of words to give this piece life......thanks for posting, for the memories brought forth along with the dancing ballerina.......be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-01-15 02:06:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I am speechless at this juncture! How I owe you BIG!
I know this one will last forever in my mind.
I would reminisce my critiquing mistake. This would be
a stepping stone to leap BIG! Hehe. Anyway, you said it all
in the additional notes for my sake! Hehe.
I just realized the beauty and vigor of this piece.
I thought it was something errotic! Hehe!
The metaphor is very simply stated in this ballerina girl and
the master. Oh, it flashes back my childhood memories.
I was once so attached to this toy that I put it my closet.
Hehe. I don't what kind of top you have but mine was made of wood.
We called it KASING in our dialect. It was really fun!
A million thanks to you Erzahl! Keep writing, dude!
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