This Poem was Submitted By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-01-25 03:14:25 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Farther Father

hidden away on a merry go round my choice to put paid the past my day it's you I found and here is my voice the sound at last I have gone now so far the shoulders of giants on which to play I am gone now my skin, scars the boulders ever defiant taller than me two and half you raised the bar for me the caller isn't me, as I don't have the dime, the time or the car you want to see out of sight is the star we now are light years free of your fear skins left in a fist tight you can be the captain you point and stand I will find the chart to earth, moon and sky breath of thermal, monsoon, and lee intercept whispers of a plan bluest air, and whitest sand I reach, and find sublime art you knew I could fly you never told me

Copyright © January 2004 Regis L Chapman

Additional Notes:
This is another in my ongoing self-torture about my biological father. I picked him, so I guess he was good for what I needed him for, but... I have these feelings I cannot get over. I hope someday I will. The fact that this poem is not simple words gushing like spilled soda all over the page represents progress.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-02-03 00:22:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.55405
Poet.....I hope you are able to put aside the pain you feel toward this man and take hold of your life for it so appears you have......nicely structured, good word flow and images appear as one travels on down through the lines...... wonderful job releasing your pain. I assume your father never felt you equal to him at all perhaps not even close......Children tend to have pain put upon them at an early age and unfortunately it does not cease.......perhaps it is the pain of the father himself that binds you..... Yet my friend, here you are finding the strength and the love of self to continue on and that needs to be acknowledged...... The last line is by far heart grabbing.... You knew I could fly but never told me. One can feel the hurt and pain ..... there are many who continue to struggle with issues such as these. Thank you for sharing and I hope you continue to be able to express yourself in this way. Be safe and God Bless, Claire I am certain this was not an easy task to present or write my friend and yet it helps your soul........looking forward to more of your work.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-01-27 07:04:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.38095
Dear Regis, One thing stands out to me in your additional notes. You didn't pick your Father, you had no choice in the matter. I can share your feelings as I had some of the same feelings about my Mother. I have used poetry and writing to help me work through so many issues involving my childhood. Now I understand that my adult life has been affected by my past but I am free to make a better life for myself and my children and grandchildren. I made some mistakes as a Mother too, but have tried to make amends where I could. Your agony speaks through out this poem, and again I can empathize with you. Keep writing, keep getting it all out on paper. You indeed will see continued progress. The last two lines affected me, my Mom discouraged my writing and I quit writing for 35 years. Now I know that I will continue to follow my heart, live my dream, and even now I feel fulfilled. Thanks for sharing, I know this had to be a hard poem to write. Been there, done that. Best, Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie L Fischer On Date: 2004-01-26 20:38:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Regis, I was anxious to read your confessional and it not not disappoint. You've done a wonderful job releasing the pain felt. I'm guessing you never felt you measured up to your father or he perhaps never saw you as an equal. It continues to amaze me how our childhood affects us far into the throes of adulthood. You found the strength to believe in yourself and moved on. The last line is by far the most poignant to me. You knew I could fly but never told me. Ahh..I can feel the hurt and pain and I choked back tears because I know there are many who continue to struggle with issues such as these. Thank you for sharing and I hope you continue to be able to express yourself in this way. Deb:)
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-01-26 20:36:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
OMG...I was deeply moved by this.Why? Because I have a son who's 40, who will not acknowledge me since I divorced his mother some 32 years ago. The last stanza almost brought me to tears. "You knew I could fly..." tears me apart. I had a father who never acknowledged what I did. Unfortunately he died at 54 and I'm beyond that in years now. Oh gosh I don't want to gush... and you are not my therapist! Your title is so appropriate for me for it speaks to me of not only distance, but mind set. Peace, and thanks.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2004-01-25 11:24:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
The pain, defiance (which is growth to me)and honesty of this poem really struck me. Now this IS a confessional poem! I thought of childhood abuse, (emotional and physical), abandonment, therapy perhaps, and growth as I read. There is both a feeling of deep pain directly felt, and also a sense of detatchment. I don't know how you did that, except perhaps lines 4,8 and 19 put that separation in. The imagery is immediate and strong. At any rate, the poem works very well, at least for me. They say you can't see something in someone else unless it is in you, (and trust me, I've been there-done that)so maybe I'm only seeing my history. That doesn't effect the poem's quality. One thing I'll say from my point of view: If I hadn't had those experiences I doubt I would have become a writer at all, so in a funny way, I'm grateful for them. I choose to focus on the gift while acknowleging the anger at the terror, loss, abandonment that nourished it. Thanks for sharing part of yourself with us, Rene
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