This Poem was Submitted By: Robert L Tremblay On Date: 2004-02-20 03:46:57 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Tree of Life g i e C
e a M n m , e h
b n d i n i
f t i m
I t u v e;
h l f i
i o D
s o
f l e
w e r
a D n o
l e n f
k a u e
t b
through the h’s knock
Tested sublimely,
Aware of life’s span
That calls for holy
Visage unto Man,
I continue be
Despite power’s plan
To instill on me
Such a wicked, tan
Dark nobility
That only I can
Cleanse my soul wholly
In waters on pan
r r e b
Where I do hum ly a c a d e be t y, o h th same cool fan.
b m h w r g d e t t e
o w e a n r i
t h n a n |
|
Copyright © February 2004 Robert L Tremblay
Additional Notes:
It reads as follows...
First line is the "first" branch flowing into the "third" branch,
I began this walk through the tunnel of time,
And the second line is the "second" branch flowing into the "fourth" branch,
Mindful of Death's knock before Divine chime;
And then it reads down the "trunk" of the tree beginning with
Tested sublimely
And ends with the "roots",
Where I do humbly march toward where began and eternity, both the same cool fan.
Bobby T.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-03-02 01:37:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.17857
You seem to have quite a cache of these. What I am amzed by is that you can get the letters to line up correctly. I guess I always wondered at the ASCII art scene.
Having said that, it's a good poem which I feel suffers a bit from it's graphical treatment in this case. Most of the others I have read have really consistently made me like a convert to this previously unknown form, but this one is a bit confusing because of the various placements of the words in different sections.
Thanks,
REEG!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-02-29 13:12:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Robert,
This is an unusual concept of the Tree, because you've given it the outline of a palm, and that's much more apropos than the usual deciduous Northern species (apple, or pear, or oak, or whatever). I associate this idea with the Fertile Crescent in which palmate species predominate. There would have been palms in Eden, too. The bottom of the sketch has the wave-like effect of water, as noted in the poem - the cleansing stream (baptism, font of holiness, river of eternity, and so on). The tree draws upon this wellspring as the mortal spirit draws upon God.
"I continue be" strikes my ear as being a bit ragged; I keep wanting the "to" (be) in there. "Tan" is also a curious choice, as it seems to be a rather forced rhyme. I don't see tan as being the same as dark, but rather an intermediate and warm color, like sand or brown skin.
The concept of a Divine "chime" is interesting because some mystics report that there is a "bell note" which accompanies various spiritual experiences, such as astral projection, and of course the tolling bell that signals one's own death is a familiar image.
This isn't as complex an image as some of your other concrete poems but that's not a negative thing at all. Our whole focus is on the single tree and what it represents. The "fan" reference nicely applies to both the branches and the spiritual rejuvenation that the poet is describing. This is a hopeful piece, because it offers the prospect of enlightenment and shows us that we bear considerable responsibility for our own progress. Too many people seem to expect that God will do all the work!
Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-02-25 14:10:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57778
Hi Poet.......as always enjoyed the read.......the image presented did not make for a difficult read so most should be able to grasp what is presented before them.......good word flow as well with rhyme carrying throughout.....it is always a pleasure to stop, read and reflect on what the Lord has given you to present here on the Link.......be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-02-22 17:43:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86957
Another unique piece, Bob! It is no surprise now that you have created this piece
as we already knew the talent you have on imaged poem. The graphics is appreciated
most because along with this constraint your theme is significant and worth of life
to live for. In most of your pieces, we got both philosophy and spirituality. That
how it makes significant. I am but a young man yet the thoughts are penetrated to my
mind that I responded with respect and awe. The branching of the tree of life is
wonderful to look at. Poetic as you are, your lines are figurative. I like the description
of tunnel of time here. It suggests that life is tough but after you have conquered the
harsness of time, easiness comes and the meaning of life is experienced to the max.
We might seek the tree of life anywhere but all of us will end to the branches of God's embrace.
Thank you very much for sharing this profound piece, Bob! You are a great mind!
Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-02-21 16:05:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I found this quite a challenge, and feel that the reader is OVERLY challenged by this type of game. I can
appreciate the work and thought which went into this poem, but when a poem needs footnotes to lead the reader
along, I cannot rank it well. I enjoy challenges, but not in this form of artistry. Sorry!
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