This Poem was Submitted By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-02-22 22:03:53 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!

Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!


The Band Leader’s Grandson Is Comatose

He rolled the dice. And lost. He had just bought Baltic, Was looking ahead to Park Place and then –  Maybe a railroad? His head was filled to whirling with polka fever. They waltz across the floor, Just north of town, In a beat-up old hall, Dark, and red-lit,  that dance fever effect – Lenny didn’t do it, either. I mean it was dark.  Who’d ‘ve thought To look for a train, especially there, On a dark night, in a storm from heaven, Especially then, you never know when, Do you? What his brain was doing that night  Was swell – You remember how that goes – A gong sounds –  Later, your days are daze and filmy – Upon entering the cranium (It isn’t rocket science, you’re aware of that) He sentenced that paragraph to death. So we parsed the mysterium out of it, Teased a crossword iotum, Scooped out the crimson squash, Grappled with the vascular demons, Left the bone flap in the freezer – Give it plenty of room to grow, Bring him back later, close the door. Everyone rolls ‘em now and then. What is left will not be right. Too many pieces of the puzzle sit there  on the pretty blue paper under lights  under-whelmed waiting for the party to start, the tuba’s oom-pah-pah the money, the Chance Card – Another day, perhaps, my son. Perhaps another day. An accordion bellows him another breath. A metronome beeps like a heart. In the silent night at his bedside the family gathers, Prays the rosary, sings a hymn to Mary. One-and a two - Without the table of contents, he can’t find the hymn. Without the dice, the little metal car, the shoe –  He moves onto the Jail square and waits for doubles.

Copyright © February 2004 Thomas Edward Wright


This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-03-07 11:55:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Oh my ... I don't know what to say. This is beyond good. It's beyond stunning. It's as powerful a poem as I've ever read about mischance and the sudden destruction of that which makes us fully human, with goals and hopes and even hobbies (like playing games). Use of wordplay ("was swell", for instance), vivid imagery, sustained metaphor of games of chance: they're all here. The Monopoly allusion that ends with " ... maybe a railroad?" is horrifying and prescient. He sentenced that paragraph to death. So we parsed the mysterium out of it, Teased a crossword iotum, Scooped out the crimson squash, Grappled with the vascular demons, Left the bone flap in the freezer – Give it plenty of room to grow, Bring him back later, close the door. Who can read this and NOT mentally step backward in horror? Who could not vote for this astonishing piece? Answer: those who have already selected one of your others and don't want to scatter the odds. Month after month, you deliver this kind of riveting material. Surely it will be THIS TIME, I keep telling myself. Brilliant work. Find that publisher! Brenda


This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-02-26 12:51:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.54000
Well poet what can I say.......this piece is grand..standing on its owm merit with no suggestions from this reader.......structured very well, again using words flowing as one travels down through life and the boardgame 'Monopoly'...........images also appear as one reads down and takes hold.....He rolled the dice and lost........life is a gamble we all take each day and I don't think it really matters how we play but that we try to play it right.......thanks for posting, and for sharing this with us.....I am sorry if I did not get the full extend of the writing but to me it dealt with life/death and the road one travels in between......be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-02-25 18:56:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.17647
Deserving of a one-word critique: SUPERB! I love this work. It uses almost all the tools at the hands of a poet - too many to name. The double contraction made me hesitate, maybe that was the intent, to allow me to catch my breath before the train came. I liked the Monopol(y)-istic introduction to this train, and the return to the Monopoly "Chance card", almost metonymy with life itself. I could go on, but with nothing to add to this beautiful piece, why bother. Write on.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-02-25 13:42:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78571
Tom: This is what I meant when I wrote to you that some of your poems "hit me hard, in the gut." I think that my writing mentor would want me to read this, because in it, you do what he urged me to do - i.e., writing "closer to the bone." Even while doing so, the Wright stuff, a kind of acrid humor, holds me spellbound - and it is not so much irreverent as much as, more than likely, sanity-keeping. What my colleagues termed 'debriefing' after some horrific 'case' of unbelievably cruel child abuse with which we grappled. Often, a certain gallows humor made it possible to avoid nightmares, but not always. Your metaphor of the Monopoly game seems entirely apt, as life often appears to be 'chance' - ahh, here's the rub - isn't it? You don't attempt to answer this, but allow us to view the scene from the point of view of the speaker's observations of the comatose "band leader's grandson." He rolled the dice. And lost. "God does not play dice with the universe." -- Einstein "God not only plays dice, but sometimes throws them where they cannot be seen." -- Hawking He took his chances, and lost. Was it foreordained? Is there an infinite being who cares? In the face of the uncertainty of 'why' things happen, we have our human responses. He had just bought Baltic, Was looking ahead to Park Place and then – Maybe a railroad? Baltic, and its lackluster companion, Mediterranean. One can hope for Park Place and Broadway - always. As long as there is a brain which can form the thoughts of hope, that is. I mean it was dark. Who’d ‘ve thought To look for a train, especially there, On a dark night, in a storm from heaven, Especially then, you never know when, Do you? Recently, near here, an Amtrak train hit two people on the track, who died. It is on the same run I always take to my granddaughter's in Portland. I wondered about the two people - if they had an inkling - or not. What destiny or foolishness placed the hero of this poem and the two who were killed on the train tracks? What his brain was doing that night Was swell – The pun is funny and horrifying, an ironic admixture - tincture of wit. You remember how that goes – A gong sounds – Later, your days are daze and filmy – Upon entering the cranium (It isn’t rocket science, you’re aware of that) --again He sentenced that paragraph to death. So we parsed the mysterium out of it, Teased a crossword iotum, Scooped out the crimson squash, ---a gruesome, heartfelt effort Grappled with the vascular demons, Left the bone flap in the freezer – Give it plenty of room to grow, Bring him back later, close the door. Everyone rolls ‘em now and then. What is left will not be right. ---so very Wright Too many pieces of the puzzle sit there on the pretty blue paper under lights under-whelmed waiting for the party to start, the tuba’s oom-pah-pah the money, the Chance Card – Ah - the element of chance. This concept - randomness vs meaning haunts us. While we may construct ideologies to do away with chance, we do not ever really know, do we? And if it is simply a random occurrence which has shredded this young man's brain in "pieces" -- can we mourn more easily or less? If it is not chance, but destiny, how can God be a just God? We clearly do not have the answers to these question for we cannot solve "the puzzle" you show us here, no matter how clever we may be. Another day, perhaps, my son. Perhaps another day. Here the physician allows his tenderness to be visible. An accordion bellows him another breath. A metronome beeps like a heart. In the silent night at his bedside the family gathers, Prays the rosary, sings a hymn to Mary. One-and a two - "in the silent night" of course elicits memories of a candlelight singing of "Silent Night" Without the table of contents, he can’t find the hymn. Without the dice, the little metal car, the shoe – He moves onto the Jail square and waits for doubles. The symbols above evoke the scene of the train wreck - the "little metal car" and especially "the shoe." Thank you for another intelligent, compassionate look at what doctors experience, and at our own vulnerability. None of us are exempt from the laws of the physical universe, none immune from the fragility of our brains and nervous systems. But we may always hope, as does the young man who "waits for doubles." Kudos! All my best, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-02-24 11:19:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Hi Tom, This is another wonderful piece with an exquisite languistics used. This is a work of a fine poet, I should say! I might not be able to get the gist of the poem but let me dare critiquing this with awe to you. The title is of course catchy in that it draws the readers attention. This must be something new! You set a nice imagery that the readers can SEE. The throwing of question is participating. This input is high in its language application: "Upon entering the cranium (It isn’t rocket science, you’re aware of that) He sentenced that paragraph to death. So we parsed the mysterium out of it, Teased a crossword iotum, Scooped out the crimson squash....." Neuron. Neuron. Neuron. You are agitating the neuron of my brain! The tone of the poem is sad and it is created with the highlight of witty humor! Thanks for sharing, I could hardly choose from among your submissions this month for my choice. They are all incredible. Write on. Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-02-23 18:37:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
What his brain was doing that night Was swell – incredible use of language You remember how that goes – A gong sounds – Later, your days are daze and filmy – ah, yes i remember it well - what an incredible powerful piece Upon entering the cranium (It isn’t rocket science, you’re aware of that) no - it isn't but OH the places u go ...further than rockets in terms of human adventure I think He sentenced that paragraph to death. So we parsed the mysterium out of it, Teased a crossword iotum, Scooped out the crimson squash, Grappled with the vascular demons, Left the bone flap in the freezer – Give it plenty of room to grow, Bring him back later, close the door. amazing Without the table of contents, he can’t find the hymn. Without the dice, the little metal car, the shoe – He moves onto the Jail square and waits for doubles. Just from the wrong roll of the dice -- yes....damn incredible poem
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link

Click HERE to return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!