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Baby In The Grey Cloud She took life tentatively by one hand, gulped a little bit of air, and yawned back into the abandoned grey cloud. Stars noticed the scrap of her and broke heaven’s confidence. They whispered her destiny into unbelieving ears. Greatness awaited. But how could this be? Dust did not inherit greatness, and ashes did not attract gold. The voices persisted. Soon, hot streets lapped at her heels as she hurried after the vision. Dirty shop windows revealed her development. Her body was built for the dance and her voice was built for the music. Her message went to the child on the street, whose desperate hunger she still felt in the marrow of her bones. Heaven has a way with its chosen. Young people forced their feet into her slipper and sighed as her princes galloped in. Her smile stretched around the globe, but tears dampened the dreaming pillow and her cries took Heaven aback. Why had her mother never stepped forward to claim her? She had to be out there somewhere. Was she still feverishly, futilely searching every last, fleeting, grey l c o u d ? |
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-05-05 12:35:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81250
Hi Marcia,
Here I am again. I could not let this one get by it. It brings tears to my eyes everytime I
read it. Your gift is so obvious here and I just really want to thank you for writing this.
The personification is brilliant and the development is outstanding. The use of free verse
here is perfect and the flow when reading loud is more then we could hope for. Each new
stanza presents a fresh new way of thinking about it. Such great imagry!
My fav part is:
"Greatness awaited. But how
could this be? Dust did not
inherit greatness, and ashes
did not attract gold."
The artfull cloud thing at the end adds to the visual.
Thanks so much for posting this,it's my fav of yours this month!
Blessings
Jennfier