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On similarity Here’s my sketch, then, of one of whom I know more through knowing little than those I should have known more through knowing much. I begin with a guess at essence: “Uncomfortable with strangers.” Not because of imagined harm, but of the certain fear: “What mental gauntlet must I run, how contort myself to gain moderate acceptance here, when, rather, silence and aloneness were my room, away from those who do so proudly for all selves remark, ‘That’s far too deep,’ or fearing criticism of their friends, say, ‘That’s altogether far too much refined,’ and cannot, will not bring to bear on depth or refinement the energy of their mind?” Oh, I know these folk too, for they have laughed and made small all those thoughts and words that spring like grasshoppers across the savannah of my mind, crushed them as a sport between their goals, their instant replays and their wine. One more guess, aroused by your thinking kind what I may say of you, when it’s nothing but a daisy dappling your hair that I chance to remark upon. My guess is this: In feeling undeserving of anything that exceeds our fellows fates, we stand bowed against the measure of another’s rule, when all poets decree we should use our own. I believe in these and similar things our similarity lies, a winking hint of more common thoughts and moods that we, unknown to each other, by nature share. But even similarity must reach its end, as bodies by space delimited and defined must all by their nature be. What is that end, and how defined for us? The fundamental natural difference, the volcanic action of primal force, male, whose field of action can only be the permanence of eternal female time. |
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-05-02 09:57:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.52632
On similarity
Wonderful, thoughtful, self-reflection in which the narrator reaches touches or sensibilities in carefully constructed quatrains. I have made some suggestions to tighten it up.
Here’s my sketch, then, of one []I know
more, [ knowing little,] than those I should
have known more, [] knowing much. I begin
with a guess at essence: “Uncomfortable
Fine, fine enjambment here and I love the repetitions
with strangers.” Not because of imagined
harm, but of the certain fear: “What mental
gauntlet must I run, how contort myself
to gain moderate acceptance here, when,
Interesting distinction. If harm is imagined. Is that not, in some sense, as
“certain” as fear itself? Perhaps instead of "certain" - “specific” fear?”
rather, silence and aloneness were my
room, [wonderful]laway from those who do so proudly
for all selves remark, ‘That’s far too deep,’ or
fearing criticism of
[of or from?}
their friends, say,
‘That’s altogether far too much refined,’
and cannot, will not bring to bear on depth
or refinement the energy of their[ minds]?”
Oh, I know these folk too, for they have laughed
and made small all those thoughts and words that spring
like grasshoppers across the savannah
of my mind, crushed them as a sport between
their goals, their instant replays and their wine.
That is my favorite quatrain! It would not look out of place in an Eliot poem.
One more guess, aroused by your thinking kind
what I may say of you, when it’s nothing
but a daisy dappling your hair [great!} that I
chance to remark upon. My guess is this:
In feeling undeserving of anything
that exceeds our fellows fates, we stand bowed
against the measure of another’s rule,
when all poets decree we should use our own.
More's the pity, yes!
I believe in these and similar things
our similarity lies, a winking
hint [great phrase!}of more common thoughts and moods that we,
unknown to each other, by nature share.
Yes yes – that is it exactly!
But even similarity must reach
its end, as bodies by space delimited
and defined must all by their nature be.
What is that end, and how defined for us?
The fundamental natural difference,
the volcanic action of primal force,
male, whose field of action can only be
the permanence of eternal female time.
Female time! I love this ending with its powerful allusion and strong consonants.
Excellent, masterful work,
Best
Rach