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This Poem was Submitted By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2004-04-21 10:57:04 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Iraq in April

No target left to topple? Kill the saviour. He came in war to bring us peace, God love him. Take our children, if you’ve time. Land of Analysts, this is no accident, Our deaths and yours. We earned our mess and you Judas Are only God’s handmaiden. If that. Run, will you run? Now that you don’t like What you have founded here? Uncaged from soul cages Should we choose your freedom? And what if we should not? More death? More liberation? God Is. Great if you can stomach The body bags that drag This truth home to your hearth. Great if you cannot. Any which way, You lose.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-05-07 11:56:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
God Is. Great if you can stomach The body bags that drag This truth home to your hearth. Great if you cannot. Any which way, You lose. Indeed. What a tragic time this is. Powerful poem which brings the truth home even if the Bushes want to hide the photos

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lennard J. McIntosh On Date: 2004-05-05 13:22:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Oh my, if I am reading the remarkable allegory in this selection correctly the symbolism is virtually soaked in a sarcasm that points to the current war. [and perhaps all those previous, that have been fought in the name of false gods, mammon, greed, pride, etc. Mark: “Kill the saviour. He came in war to bring us peace, God love him.” Len: Here is the first metaphor that parallels the saviors of Iraq with the Messiah, who “came in war to bring peace.” The only hitch is that the Messiah certainly did not come in war to bring peace; he came in peace to bring an everlasting peace. These events are recorded, and were prophesied. [Isaiah 9: 6; Daniel 12: 1; Daniel 2: 44; Luke 1: 8-14; John 8: 36] Why, the real Savior [the Messiah] wouldn’t even take part in the politics of his day, but chose to look ahead to his Father’s Kingdom. [John 6: 14, 15; Matthew 6: 10] Mark: “… you Judas Are only God’s handmaiden. If that.” Len: Judas Iscariot, histories’ pre-eminent traitor, has found a parallel in this moral thrashing of self-appointed savior(s). These saviors have even been known to quote scripture to support their arguments. [to their own satisfaction] However, the writer creates a doubt in their assessment, “If that.” Mark: “God Is. Great if you can stomach The body bags that drag This truth home to your hearth. Great if you cannot.” Len: Good night, Jeeves, this is heavy stuff! [Opps! The Queen’s English just caught hell] The writer rubs hypocritical noses in what men are doing in the name of god (?). [both sides] I am honored to be associated with a craft that can, and often does, tell it like it is. It takes courage to do this. It is courage I find often wanting in myself, but apparently not in you, sir. Congratulations! A fellow poet, Lennard McIntosh

This Poem was Critiqued By: G. Donald Cribbs On Date: 2004-04-30 23:21:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60526
Mark, Sorry to bust your balls about the whole "write more, you can do it...I see more here" thing. Sometimes I just have a knack for it. I do truly see something in your writing. I wouldn't waste my time critiquing your poems if by doing so didn't make my eye a bit keener too. I'm benefiting from this. I do also intend to post more than the one poem I have on here so far, so don't worry, you'll have time to bust my chops too. Bring it on! Hopefully, when it's all said and done, we're published, etc, whatever your goals are with this crazy poetry writing thing. That said, let me reflect about this poem. Respectfully, I don't know that I share your whole perspective here on the war, but I do respect that you wrote this. I have not written a single poem about the war. My favorite line is: "God Is./Great if you can stomach/" and so on. Love it, love it. Great use of enjambment here. Lots of double and triple meanings if you read it differently wrapping the words around the line. For me, the ending isn't there yet. Sit on it, think it over, mull it over, crack a beer, or whatnot, and come back to it. Otherwise, a great piece here. Thanks for sharing it with us, and hanging it out there for me to shoot a dart at it with "Hey, when did you say you'd be revising this?" plastered all the hell all over it. There ya go. Regards, Don

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-04-25 18:30:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86364
Hi Mark, I have read this piece several times and each time the words create images that are gut wrenching. I had a grandson in Iraq for a year...but thank God he is home now and safe... ...for the time being and unless 'they' need more men to fight. 'He came in war to bring us peace'...is such a poignant statment and one that will run through my mind everytime I hear the news....'we earned our mess'..that we did and who knows when it will be cleaned up and washed away...most likely never. I wasn't quit sure about...Judas being God's handmaiden...my addled brain can't quite grasp it...HELP! 'Run will you run now that you don't like what you have founded here'..another phrase I won't soon forget. Such a horrible war..everyday I think I won't listen to the news but then I find myself doing just that. How can I not when it consumes us all? 'Should we choose your freedom? 'And what if we should not?' 'More death more liberation?' Such soul searching questions...I wonder who may have the answers? 'God is great if you can stomach the body bags that drag the truth home to your hearth.' 'Great if you cannot.' And then of course we all lose. This is a well written and thought provoking piece...I know I am thinking about it. Peace....Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Gabrielle Lea Kindell On Date: 2004-04-21 21:30:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
This is my first critique on this site, so bear with me. :) I like the poem, but there is a little bit of confusion with me as far as the audience that the speaker (Iraq, I assume) is targetting in the first stanza. Later on, it is obvious that this is a speech directed at the U.S., but this doesn't seem to be the case in the first stanza, or if it is, I am having trouble understanding who is killing what savior. Is Iraq, the speaker, saying that Iraq has killed the United States? In other words, they have killed the soldiers sent there to "save" them? That would make sense to me, especially given the focus on U.S. body bags later on in the poem. However, it is confusing because the line "kill the savior" seems to be directed towards Iraq, which is confusing because the poem then abruptly changes direction, and now the audience is the U.S. I also think the word "handmaiden" could be exchanged for a word more specific to the meaning you are trying to convey. I think you mean to say that the U.S. is only being used as a tool for whatever God has decided. The word "handmaiden" doesn't automatically have that connotation. It took a couple readings for me to understand what was meant by it. Perhaps "pawn"? That word is a bit trite, though but I'm sure you can think of something.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-04-21 20:19:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.65517
Mark, very strong statement, and distressing thoughts/questions - all. But befitting for all, I believe. A couple things only I might think about. I could change nothing except possibly: Are only God’s handmaiden[, if] that. [?] Any which way, - ["Either way" maybe?] You lose. Best wishes, Wayne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-04-21 19:27:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.29825
A tough situation. clearly un-thought-out. no exit strategy, no conditionality, no what-ifs. i have no excuse for this, and apologize on behalf of america. i support our troops, and hope they all come home. this is not your fault. you do honor to your calling. you do honor to your president. he does not honor anything but his ego. which is why a hawk should be caged. torn american

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