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This Poem was Submitted By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-04-30 12:26:20 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Gone Daddy Gone

I imagine someday when I will be gone from here? to all appearances I wonder about that day will it be like my family and my career? so far, without degree or clearances I ponder around this way what song will we hear? sung so low with sweet endearances I envision the end of my stay who will lend my the subtle ear? sounds absent afflictive adherences

Additional Notes:
Trying to address this topic without fears, my attempt at the Long View.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2004-05-06 08:12:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.37500
Hello Regis, I read this poem and became intrigued with the structure. The tercets rhyme by stanza's a,s,c. Did you create this on purpose, or is it a well known fixed form? At any rate I liked it. I read the poem as it stands, and then read it by using only L1 in each poem, Then L2, and then L3: And it worked that way also. The last line confused me a bit. The alliteration works, but I wasn't sure if it was a description or a statement. Maybe both? Discussing death is always difficult, one we realize that it means "no more forever." That finality is frightening. And yet, don't we all harbor a hidden hope that there is more somehow, for us? I do. In L2 of the last stanza I think there is a typo. Easy fix! I was also thinking of the title. I find it interesting that the family is at the center of your poem. It is the loss of you as the daddy that you focus upon. (I hope I read this correctly.) That to me shows the fine character of the poet. I have no sugestions for changes really (except the typo)but would appreciate knowing if I read the poem as you intended. It's always a pleasure to read your work. Take care, Rene

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-05-04 13:49:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70968
Regis–The feel of an elegy; so maybe a quasi-lament-smile. Great rhyming scheme (end rhymes; someday/day/way/stay; here/career/hear/ear; appearances/clearances/ endearances/adherences) and (internal rhymes; be/degree; song/sung; end/lend).These word combinations (assonances) along with descriptors not only create vivid imagery, but also produce superb rhythmic ebb and flow. I liked the naturalness of the sequential progression as the speaker takes the reader(s) through his personal quandary: death is inescapable, but how will it be handled by all concerned? Are my affairs in order? Am I ready? Did I lived a good life? As the bread- winner, is it fair to my family/loved ones? Will my love die? Questions that us mere mortals can’t answer, only “...imagine...”;”...wonder...”; “...ponder...” and “...envision...”. I may have spotted a small syntax problem in line #2 of stanza #4 (“my” reads like it should be “me”). Thanks for this thought provoking and insightful piece that required quite an effort to scribe unforced rhymes and maintain poetics nuances. I do apologize if I have misstated your intentions for your poem. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2004-05-02 19:23:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.45455
Regis "who will lend my the subtle ear" ... should that read "...lend me..."? That aside ... This reads like a requiem for yourself, and while you may have addressed the topic without fear, you have not done so without melancholy. What dfference will it make whe you are no longer here, who will hear the echo of your existence? "afflictive adherences" ... memories we (or those left behind) cannot escape from ... it is full of lovely moments. Your rhyming scheme, while obvious visually, remains aurally subtle, again like an echo we know is there but have to keep reaching for, keep straining to hear. Are you really gone? Or are you just there, well within reach of those not too lazy to search for you? I would die myself now if I could leave such a haunting memory. Best wishes Mark.

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-05-01 14:35:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.67742
Hi Regis, You ask the age old question of how we will leave this earth and where will we and are soul go. The first lines of each stanza are well written and tell the story. I imagine someday I wonder about that day I ponder around this way I envision the end of my stay I have a neighbor who won't fly or take a train trip because she is afraid of terrorist. I told her we will all die and she said she knows that but she wants to die in bed and sound asleep. Don't we all? But to live your life in fear is sad. However, to ponder what is beyond life is normal and healthy...the flip side of that is no one has ever come back to tell us what to expect. I like the form you have used here and also that you have written a very thoughtful piece. Enjoyed it but don't know the answers! Peace....Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lennard J. McIntosh On Date: 2004-04-30 23:41:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Hello Regis: The form chosen is of particular interest: four stanzas of three line each, with a rhyme sequence not often seen. The writer addresses a situation hidden to the reader. This is a style that has been used splendidly by certain poets, e.g. Robert Lowell. It is recognized that the reader need not comprehend the meaning of a poem. However, it is absolutely necessary that the poem be enjoyed. In that, the writer was successful, for this reader was hooked in the charm of the work’s ambiguity. It is a nice job, sir. A fellow poet, Lennard McIntosh

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