This Poem was Submitted By: Jacob W Roberts On Date: 2004-06-02 17:39:38 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Paper Scatters

This part is the hardest,                          the beginning. There are so many routes to take. I might write about a beautiful young woman I never met in Brussels, Belgium or opinions, these metal and some times rigid discs fleet and flow so I try not to carry too many at once. Usually  six or seven. That seems enough to handle, to get me through the day its banters and miniature disasters. I find that swelling the pockets of my brain with too much of this currency drags my steps, slurs the gait of my thoughts like a jaded bar fly’s fiberglass advice  about how not to sail astray. Here it is not so tough, toward the middle, where I have an idea of the end in sight. Some sprouting memories and thoughts I like to leave alone. They are the quiet fertilizer of my brain, the crickets stringing and frogs singing my thoughts, lulling me to soak my head in the mulch of pillow cloth. At times these ideas may string me like a marionette from the springy cushion of my full-size bed, like a half-naked superhero, rushing to save  a blue ribbon book of lettuce from my consciousness’ vortex, and now we reach the end, where everything is concluded where things start to lighten up, the distance from here to lunch, perhaps a nap or even death is not so far. Clouds coalesce, negative and positive ions gather, a wispy dandelion seed of an image might just float from the diaphanous case enveloping my lumpy skull sponge’s sparking through fingers, onto pen and strike loose-leaf, where my study buddy’s contact info lies.

Copyright © June 2004 Jacob W Roberts

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2004-06-30 13:26:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.15385
Jacob, Welcome. I think you're new here. This should catapult you into the winners' circle here. Two points to make about that. I said, "should." The second is, I said "here." Not that the poem is not good, it is. Not exceptional, but it really stands out here with almost all i've recently - up there with Mr. Chapman's in my recent reading. Don Cribbs has a great one, and Rachel Spinoza too. Some of the best poems of the month make that circle. Often, they don't. Go figure. Anyway, I extend my laurel to you. And i'm very particular about my laurels. I mean, i may say nice things about most poems, but that's just blather. The good ones, i say i'm voting for, or it's one of the best i've read this month, or something in kind - I don't bestow my laurels with a mask on in a closet. Welcome again. Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-06-14 21:15:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.40000
Jacob, I, for one, welcome your extremely talented writing. This is very nice. You've used so many of the tools available to the poet, and used them well. The imagery is spectacular, and quite varied, which really awakens all of the reader's senses to absorb this tale. The amount of alliteration used is almost overwhelming. I do think in L1 of S2, the "some times" should be one word. Other than that, I see no need for suggested changes. I hope to see/read more of your work. Thanks for posting and for joining us here at TPL. Peace. wrl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-06-10 15:30:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This seems like a journalist/poet's personal diary to me. I like the confluence of the two different viewpoints, as it's done so well, taking a bit from one and then the other. It's like test flights around fancy and back to press pen to paper as an analogue for reality itself. The crafting of this tale is quite subtle, but nonethless effective. I just love it. I also like the trips outside to see the direction one is heading in, like a mini-narrative, keeping both us the reader and the character on track. I couldn't imagine a better way of describing the creative process itself. Great work. Thanks, REEG!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-06-08 12:27:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Jake- Quite a start. I would stick with the Brussels Babe and see where that goes. She sounded really interested in you, and then you dumped her for that brain salad with the house un-dressing. Too bad your study buddy isn't here to see you flying around inside your own head, banging into things, one synapse at a time. If this isn't high on the Hit Parade this month I'm heading into gardening. Mr. Right.
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