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This Poem was Submitted By: sheryl ann minter On Date: 2004-06-09 12:26:21 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Desert Wind

Like candles on the water a sleepy town lies in the distance. Smokey mountains sprinkled with sprigs of trees, Pink clouds run atop the mountains peak. A castle lies ruined upon the hillside, surrounded by the waters edge. I can almost hear the thawed brooks roar, A dog howls in the wind to the rattling beat of this trains song. Stacks of silos scattering barns, Structures that hang like louvers on broken window panes, Their shallow frames haunt me. Blankets of cows cover grasslands with pierced ears, Painted ponies upon clay painted sand, Where tumble weeds follow the desert wind. Cars lie in graveyards of ruin dug in deep. I slip through mountains like a silver ghost. Where the thick pine and evergreen take root in rock. Onward bound there is nothing but time and time becomes nothing.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-07-07 18:24:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
Sheryl: I see why this poem is running so well in the race. Lyrical, strong imagery that take the readers with you into "The Desert Wind." Replete with metaphor and simile, the heart of poetic techniques, you also use alliteration and all the other linguistry which satisfies me as reader. My favorite line is: "Pink clouds run atop the mountain peak". The plosive p casts an audio appeal and after your brook roars, your dog howls, and your trains sing, you give us: "Stacks of silos scattering barns". This is a wondrous descriptor/metaphor but you employ six sibilant sounds: ssssssssssss, composing an euphonic delight for our ears. We are supposed to keep our critiques very brief so I will merely say congratulations on writing this accomplished piece at TPL. Brava! Mell Morris

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2004-07-01 00:04:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.65000
Sheryl, Another newbie with a horn that blows. The poems are now stacked in the shed, crowding the shuttle. This one will make my list, most definitely. Superb in many ways. And with what really, really grabs me, a great consummation. Welcome and do stay. Humbly, Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: Lennard J. McIntosh On Date: 2004-06-21 11:19:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Re: "The Desert Wind" As I read on I begin to ask, "Who is this lady who pens pure poetry as only one highly skilled may?" The question took me to your biography that confirmed my observation. Please let me give only a few examples of the purity and command of craft that caught my eye: "mountains sprinkled with sprigs of trees," [splendid diction] "dog howls in the wind" [haunting vision] "Stacks of silos scattering barns," [brilliant imagery woven into highly effective alliteration] "Onward bound there is nothing but time and time becomes nothing." [good heavens but this is an arresting line to conclude this outstanding poem] Bravo, milady! I would so like to be able to write on your level. Len McIntosh

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-06-12 19:03:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25000
Sheryl, this is what a poem should be, filled with imagery, simile, alliteration, assonance, etc. A wonderful and very enjoyable read. Thanks for posting. I see only one thing to change, so minor I'm almost ashamed to point it out. A dog howls in the wind to the rattling beat of this trains song. -[apostrophe in "train's"?] I could not find another thing about which to complain. Beautifully done. I'll be reading more of yours. Peace wrl

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-06-12 14:41:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Dear Sheryl Ann, I'm not familiar with your postings, but I'm glad I stumbled onto this poem. It truly paints a picture for the reader to escape into. Imagery is done in an artistic way, and this piece has a calming effect on the reader. I won't copy and paste your lines to comment on each individually, but you've pulled deep into your inner resources to capture in words a naturistic view of "somewhere", and that somewhere you've made beautiful with your words. I hope to be able to read more from you. sincerely, DeniMari

This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-06-09 15:27:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I like this very visual poem. It's so visual in fact, it feels almost like a word painting. I found myself imagining colors and so forth. Much of this is due to the excellent references like cows being blankets, painted ponies, and clay painted sand. It's almost like the poem was written from the perspective of a passing breeze blowing through and deigned to notice the items below it. I have no reason for this, but the ghostly writer seems complete disconnected from the scene, like someone watching something from a train they've been on too long- yet longing for the connection they no longer feel. There is also a very large variety of imagery and that seems to set the tone for the piece, and where the poet wants our attention to be- up close (the candle line) or slipping through mountains. Wonderfully done. Thanks, REEG!

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