This Poem was Submitted By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2004-06-11 12:03:09 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © June 2004 Mick Fraser
We were sitting at the airport gate
after golfing in South Carolina
while Mikey read his paperback
I felt sick with my angina.
Thinking of the courses we had played
trying to forget the pains in my chest
I was fidgeting like a child without toy
Mike had no idea I was stressed.
After entering the huge Airbus
we quickly found our seats
friendly smiles flew all around the plane
yet my face was white as a sheet.
Five minutes later the engines roared
then we taxied along the tarmac
saying bye to Charlotte I felt my heart sink
or it could’ve been a heart attack.
At take-off we saw a woman in distress
sitting across the aisle in
curly hair dangling from her hanging head
wiping sweaty palms on her jeans
She was clearly uncomfortable with the light bumps
and as we climbed to cruise she became worse
Mike shook his head and laughed quietly at her
and I was thinking I needed a nurse.
As the big bird flew my friend said to me
“it’s just like driving over potholes
you ride out the bounces and simply relax”
and I was praying God "save our souls".
It didn’t matter how well the plane was maintained
with experienced pilot or clear sky
I didn’t care we’d soon be home
all I wanted was a big glass of rye.
I ordered a triple Crown Royal on the rocks
hoping for the quickest affect
but when Mikey saw the drink I was handed
he told me something I’ll never forget.
He said “I thought you traveled all the time
and I didn’t know that you hated flying”
embarrassed as I was I answered honestly
I still hate it but much less than dying.
He said “If you are thinking that the plane will crash
I can assure that won’t happen at all
and if you really think about the chances of dying
you’re more likely to be killed by a golf ball”.
My perspective changed at that very moment
oh how dangerous golf can be
though I still tremble when I have to fly
I also worry about death on the tee.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-07-03 12:45:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Glad to see your presence here. This one reads like a log entry in a journal with it's
poignant perspective and very personal comments seasoned with humor and fear all at the
same time. I LOVE IT! It's like being able to look right into your wonderfully wry personality.
LOL. But that's you, so transparent, and I mean that in the best of ways!
I enjoyed quite a bit about this poem. Here are a few of my favs:
The alliterative title adds a nice touch and zeroes right in on the subject matter.
The rhymes are absolutely over the top!
The comparison of playing golf and the fidgity child without a toy work well in s2.
The use of the word "airbus" is great!
The mix of humor and fear in s4 with the nonchalant way you now allude to having a heart
attack. I'm sure at the time you didn't think it was funny at all. Actually you may have
been having an anxiety attack, as the symptoms can make you think you're having an MI.
The addition of alliterative words in clearly/umcomfortable/climbed/cruise, and other phrases
as well, like taxied/tarmac and big/bird add immensely to the sound when read aloud.
The last two stanzas are an absolute brilliant ending to the story. I laughed myself silly
reading it the first time.
Thanks for being able to share this with others. I admire and respect you for that. And you know
I think lots of others feel as you do about flying and can really relate to this piece.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-06-22 09:21:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 5.00000
I love the ending.......makes me chuckle to myself for I was so worried about you from the beginning with perhaps a heart attack but it is the fear of flying that brought you the distress.....that too I can associate with for I won't go up in the air and I would rather give up those offers of Aruba and such.....
but now my friend to worry about death on the tee.....too much....true as it might be......too much.
Great structure, love the word flow and the thoughts it brings forth along with the images you have created.....thanks for posting and sharing, be safe now and God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-06-17 20:48:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Nicely formed and rhymed quatrains, Mick. Really interesting read, a nice story, keeping the reader hanging [pun intended] until the end.
and I was praying God "save our souls". - [Should the quote begin: "...praying 'God, save our souls.'"?] My only suggestion.
Though not a golfer, I like the images, and the relationships you've connected between it and flying. Neat. Good title and some slant rhymes that work well, too. Write on, and thanks for posting this one. Peace. wrl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-06-12 04:42:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I'm glad to know you are back, we missed your presence here in TPL.
I read your story with remembrance to my own story in the perspective of the plane.
There seems to be always a fear when going to flight. It's innate for a numan person
to be afraid to die. Hehe. In this piece, I can see some stufs that you were
doing while you were absent from the link. You have put it in clear and
detailed way and I don't have no suggestions to give you. Your presentation is good that way.
Thanks for sharing, Mick. Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Gerard A Geiger On Date: 2004-06-11 15:32:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.16667
I have to let you know that I really
enjoyed this poem. I love the last line.
...I walk near a golf course and am always
conscious of the danger of those white
spheroids... Plane perspective is an appropriate
title for this entertaining and enlightening
piece. Thanks for sharing it with us Mick..
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