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This Poem was Submitted By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2004-06-15 19:03:45 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Jaden

Sublimely conceived under a blue moon Born during heavenly winter monsoon Rolling thunder majestic lightening storms of the desert Bring blessed baby brightly manifest In the Creator's time

Additional Notes:
Jaden was born 5 weeks prematurely.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-06-22 08:59:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 5.00000
Hi Jana...so nice to read your work once more....this is beautiful, so well constructed, your words just flow and bring forth images as it is created and read......Indeed all in the Creator's time... Rolling thunder majestic lightening storms of the desert your words bring forth the sounds and sights of this majestic storm......and one can hear the cry of the newborn child in the Creator's time.......thanks for posting and sharing this with us. Five weeks premature is allot and I pray the child is doing well. Be safe my friend, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Karen Ann Jacobs On Date: 2004-06-21 19:43:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This is a beautiful poem for a beautifully named baby. I felt a bit jolted that the first two verses rhymed and the second two didn't. This poem still conveys a feeling of soft awe.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-06-19 19:38:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.35000
Jana, beautiful image work in this concisely designed piece. There is so much said in so little time or words. Very haiku-ish form. Good assonance in the beginning. Nice alliteration in the t' of S3 and the b's in S4. One spelling error, I believe. "lightning" in S#. Other than that, I'd not change a thing about this blessed creation. [pun intended]. Peace. wrl

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-06-16 20:30:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Hi Jana, What a lovely name...I have a great-grandson soon to be 1 yr old whose name is Caden...which I found out is an old name but one I had never heard before. I am sure your Jaden is beautiful and perfect and just a wonderful as this tribute to your child, they are born when the good Lord decides...we really have very little to do with it. 'Sublimely concived under a blue moon....Born during heavenly winter monsoon' great rhyming here...'rolling thunder majestic lightening storms of the desert'...Jaden made an appearence and the sky roared! What an entrance into this world....'bring blessed baby brightly manifest...in the Creators time' Keep this poem in a special place and when the time is right read it to Jaden as it comes from deep inside your heart where Jaden will always be. Blessings...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-06-15 21:35:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Jana: I thought something good was going to happen when I got up this morning -- and I was right! You are back, bright and beautiful as always. This lovely poem to welcome a grandchild has your lyrical touch, a grandmother's love. And your unique voice, much missed. I especially enjoyed the sounds. . . Sublimely conceived under a blue moon Born during heavenly winter monsoon Ah, the sounds of "blue moon/monsoon" -- playful, yet full of weather energy, of 'sublime' sounds. The opening line just blows me away, because it is poetic, but I believe, literally so, as each child is "sublimely conceived." You continue the 'sublime' theme with "heavenly winter" and it gives me goosebumps, because the poem is as gentle as a lullaby, but as powerful as the "monsoon" and "rolling thunder" described therein. Rolling thunder majestic lightening storms of the desert Bring blessed baby brightly manifest Ahhh! It's all there -- the light is more than on, it's gleaming. maj-es-tic, d-es-ert, bl-es-sed, manif-es-t -- a symphony of 'es' sounds, and imagery to let the reader know that all will be well. . . "In the Creator's time" I love this! All happens within "the Creator's time" and it is clearly, beautifully driven home in this exquisite poem. I am sure this will be treasured by your family, as well as enjoyed by lucky readers here and elsewhere. Thank you for sharing these glorious moments with us. All my best, (and brightest blessings!) Joanne

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