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This Poem was Submitted By: housam majid jarrar On Date: 2004-07-06 23:41:58 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Hopeful Dreamer

The inevitable persuasion of love knocking on my hearts door sliding into the quiet shore of my being to swim through the silent echoes of my doubtfulness in search of the key to my soul. A soul with a hopeful look a soul offering a kingdom of dreams, it searches for a single word, a single most sweet touch. Its so preciously enduring to watch, as loneliness slowly dissipates, away from a past that forever should not reveal itsel,f nor should it taint what priceless cargo I come to expect, A boatload of happiness and a straw to drink it all up.

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-08-03 00:26:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.89474
You have an enchanting soul. I hope you find someone to appreciate it. I am sure you will have no problem, as your words are intoxicating and reveal the tender heart within. Just a quick note to say that I enjoyed this, and wish I had someone to write such words for me. Nice read.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jana Buck Hanks On Date: 2004-07-30 12:17:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hello Housam, I am not the best critic but I will tell you how this poem makes me feel. Written in free verse (my favorite)it flows from line to line with eloquence. There is a dream-like quality of new love or the hope of new love. The font adds to the etherial quality of this piece. I close my eyes and feel the floating sensation of your words. I am wondering if you might consider re-ordering the stanzas so that you have equal number of lines or either descending or ascending number of lines per stanza...allowing the last two lines to stand alone....they are a wonderful ending to this piece and should shine alone IMHO Thanks for sharing this. Bright Blessings Jana

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-07-17 20:08:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
itself in the last stanza is spelt wrong and I believe boatload should be two words. I like the title for it fits this poem like a glove and the structure is good along with the word flow and images presented as one reads on. Thank you for posting and sharing this with us. Be safe, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-07-15 20:36:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Some very nice imagery and sounds to stimulate the reader's senses. This is an emotional read, and I enjoyed it. I do see a few little technical aspects that require attention (IMHO): The inevitable persuasion of love knocking on my hearts door - ["heart's" would be the possessive version] sliding into the quiet shore of my being to swim through the silent echoes of my doubtfulness in search of the key to my soul. - [a lot of really good "s" alliteration here, but I'd suggest a hyphen to carry this into the next stanza's defining of "soul".] A soul with a hopeful look a soul offering a kingdom of dreams, - [I'm not sure "a soul" needs iteration here.] it searches for a single word, - [How about using "searching" as in "offering" in prior line?] a single most sweet touch. (maybe like this: A soul with a hopeful look offering a kingdom of dreams, searching for a single word - a single sweet touch.) Merely suggestions. It's your poem. Its so preciously enduring to watch, - [Again, "It's" would be the contraction of "it is" needed.] as loneliness slowly dissipates, - [delete comma?] away from a past that forever should not reveal itsel,f - [typo] nor should it taint what priceless - [Maybe replace "what" with "that"??] cargo I come to expect, A boatload of happiness - [Why the "A" capital here?] and a straw to drink it all up. [Nice image] I hope these suggestions are helpful. If not, simply ignore them. Peace. wrl

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-07-11 17:07:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Housam, What a beautiful dream you dream, it is a soft, soulful Love wish. I think your phrasing is absolutely beautiful. The speak has the soul of a romantic, and the poem is written that all readers to some degree can understand the sentiment. I think Indian men are romantic, for I havn't read anything, by any of you that doesn't move the spirit. Your endearing wish is so beautiful, and you state your poem artistically. Hearty congratulations, and welcome from me to you, as this is your first poem I'm commenting on. I shall be sure from now on to note your name, and no doubt the words and flavor will suit your intent. Joanne Morgan

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