This Poem was Submitted By: Mandie J Overocker On Date: 2004-10-09 00:56:16 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Night Pacing Relentlessly restless
Fervishly pacing
Wearing a path on the floor
Heartbeat a-fluttering
Nervous palms sweating
Drip with worry to the door
Mechanisms need checked
The door locked tonight
One round to go till she soars
Aimlessly wandering
Shaky knees buckling
Under her weight just once more
Persistently watching
Endlessly waiting
The one thought that appeases
Vulnerable terrifieds
Anxiously ready
To fight the diseases
Deppression unlifted
She reaches for lies
Hoping they will remedy
But alas she’s alone
Nobody is home
What a comic tragedy
The younger ones inside
Peer out from behind
Older ones knowingly blind
To horror before her
That nothing can aid
Til she comes out of her mind
The terror now passing
Hands stop their sweating
Heartbeat slows down once again
She’s back to her checking
Once more awaiting
Panic’s next attacking wend
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Copyright © October 2004 Mandie J Overocker
Additional Notes:
For anyone who has ever experienced flashbacks and panic attacks. Lack of punctuation intentional.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Amour Stakwi'a Dresbach On Date: 2004-10-17 14:56:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Very well-expressed. The poem flowed throughout. I've never read anything on this subject and you've done well to portray the subject. Although I didn't initially glean that this was about a panic attack, the sense of panic and a frantic state are easy to recognize within the lines.
spelling 7.1 depression
This Poem was Critiqued By: James Edward Schanne On Date: 2004-10-15 19:07:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.89286
This poem reads franticly which I'm sure is the point, it keeps the on edge feeling throughout - in my head I get a ba-boom ba-boom ba- boom sense of urgency and can feel the palms start to persire from the start- Thanks for the good read.
This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-10-10 23:51:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Dear Amanda,
The reader can feel the "anxiety" jumping out from the page on this poem. I'm feeling tense, nervous and
alone as I read this. I'm thinking this is exactly the kind of mood you wanted to create - so you definitely have achieved that. I'm happy that the writer understands the "panic" and does not completely loose control.
Unfortunately for those that suffer panic attacks - they are much too difficult to explain to someone who has never had one, only those that have experienced them can understand completely how the mind takes control of the body as you describe, sweaty palms, racing heart etc., and that horrible impending doom that slowly subsides as the panic attack wears off.
This is a good poem, people need to be aware of this - because so many suffer from panic attacks.
Good job.
sincerely,
DeniMari
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-10-09 16:05:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Amanda,
I don't know if this is your own situation or perhaps someone your worked with (I read
your bio)...but either way you did a wonderful job of telling the inner most fears of
a panic attack. Also I picked up on some OCD behaivor as you mention the constant
checking of the door latch. In every stanza you describe the horror of one afflicted
with this devastating illness. The pacing, restlessness, fluttering heart beats, sweating,
knees shaking, terror...you write a plethora of symptoms and I found my own heart
beating fast as I read. You have a couple of typos (til & terrifieds) however they do not
detract from the theme of the piece at all. Very well done and an enjoyable read.
BLessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-10-09 13:59:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Amanda,
Believe it or not, I wrote a critique for this realistic piece already and then
lost it. So I'll try to remember everything I said the first time.(Ha. As if)
I find this to be extremely real. An experience the writter may have had. And actually I can re
relate to the panic part of this piece, because I had the pleasure of pacing and worrying a few
times when my children missed curfew. But this piece is so much more then that. There is the
flashback to a time when the writter was younger. A dread that is carried over with the anxiety
and panic.
You bring the reader along with you in this well written poem. I know it can't be easy to write such a piece, and you have done an excellent job conveying the feelings that go with it.
Thanks for sharing,
Blessings,
Jennifer
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