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This Poem was Submitted By: Andrea M. Taylor On Date: 2004-10-12 22:23:55 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Mantles

leaf laden blankets Cover summer’s battened hatches waiting winter’s quilt

This Poem was Critiqued By: Tony P Spicuglia On Date: 2004-10-23 09:19:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70588
Andrea, this is a fine Haiku. You grant a burden, a blanket, and change all in your first line. I leads one easily to the wind blowing as yesterdays leaves are displayed as precoursers to tomorrows "inclimate" times. your second line has one too many sylables, but speaks well of "summer", a personality that must be examined prior to interpreting this line, with forthought, "battening" down the hatches for what is to come later. A splendid analogy. lastly, "waiting winters quilt", there is the true paradox, of a quilt for warmth being formulated of the snow of the cold of winter. One must leap from the warmth of bed, a "tensile" thought if you will, to the visual of the fallen snow that "warms" the soul, no matter the cold. I also find in this (2) greater metaphors, one is to look beyond the distress and find the "silver lining", the other is that beyond the moment, tomorrow's sun will still rise. A very poignant haiku, thank you for sharing.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2004-10-17 21:43:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi my Dear Andrea, Here you are working full time, your surgery is coming up, yet you can write amazingly as well. You are a woman of many talents. Mantles - the covering or layering, the veil, which envelops. What a beautiful way to title this. The leaves are there (many, many in my backyard) are weighted down in layers and plenty due to the impending change of seasons. The leaves overlay all of what summer produced, the flowers and foliage now folding away, seeds laying quietly until the dawn of spring. The last line (and they all flow within the rules), is the wait, the knowing of winter yet wondering when it will fully come to coat the entire view. A wonderful way to bring in winter in the view of beauty and not fear. I love this as I do all your wonders, and thank you so much for posting it for me to enjoy! With much love, Debbie

This Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2004-10-16 00:38:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
Dear Andrea, Hi - I have to say I really like this. The imagery is very good describing the season we're in - and my favorite Autumn. With imagination the reader can see the first line - leaf laden blankets - stretched out across the grass and gathered at streets curbside. Battened hatches works well in describing "closing up shop for summer", then the cover of winter a nice "warm" quilt. It has an endearing tone to it - and a very peaceful tone. I have no suggestions on improvement - it is wonderful just the way it was written. Sincerely, DeniMari

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-10-13 04:19:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77778
Andrea--Looks like JoUp has opened the flood gates-smile. I can't recall if you've posted this genre in the past. It really doesn't matter, because this is an excellent metaphoric haiku or Japanese Verse (as Erzahl would say), be it a first or subsequent one. Your non-literal verbiage creates quite a visual for fall: nature does seem to prepare in advance for the seasonal 'moods' (the more severe the change expected, the more eclectic the preparation). Thanks for sharing your fine effort. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Latorial D. Faison On Date: 2004-10-12 23:29:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.46154
This is deep Andrea. When I think of mantles, I think figuratively of passing on honor and passing on responsibilities or blessings. And I thought how wonderful to find that you had written about mantles in this way. leaf laden blankets -- I love the way this line sounds. It was a perfect introduction, tone setting line, and the alliterative L's just make it so attractive and enticing to read. waiting winter's quilt -- this line had the same effect on me as line one, and I was poetically excited to see that this is crafty to begin and end the poem in the same fashion, style and technique. I think it's so awesome when writers can say a lot in forms like the haiku that require us to do it in few words and syllables. That's where the talent really shines. Thanks for sharing this one at TPL. It was a pleasure to read, and it leaves me with a wintery light feeling. It's getting nippy in Chicago, and this poem helps to get me where I'm going (smile). Great job. Latorial www.latorial.com

This Poem was Critiqued By: charles r pitts On Date: 2004-10-12 22:35:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.46667
This is especially intriguiing. The wording allows for broad interpretations and the imagery personifies a vivid picture of the changing seasons in a unique way. Well done! You make me want to try my hand....

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