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I relinquish myself each time I gaze into your eyes, perceiving feelings recognized only once before. Your spirit pierces my heart completely, with a yearning that refuses to retreat. I have found tranquility, which has come from no other, unrelenting exclusively while you are in my sight. Confusing emotions and yet powerful they actuate, decided devotion that is held intimately within me. You overflow my spirit with assurance and purpose, with uniqueness which I privately can't deny! Having passion for you may only be an illusion, you are not within my reach; yet the desire will not pass. I am perplexed and intensely bewildered by you, knowing that boundaries are unyielding between us. I have searched so laboriously to find peace and balance, now this discovery takes me totally unprepared. You’ve brought out desperate and profound feelings, more than anyone has touched in an eternity. As intricate as reality is, they arise evident to me, affection for you forbidden, yet desiring for it to ensue. This commitment is not ordinary in ways expected, perhaps only requesting that you love me as I am. For what I yearn for from you is respect untainted, the tenderness of your touch when you are close by. I know it is infeasible to experience all of you, by virtue of who you are and the limitations set before us. You have supplied me with adventures to glance at life anew, I honestly didn’t anticipate this love I have for you.
My only published poem, just wanted comments from my friends at TPL!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-11-06 11:03:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Debbie, This piece is extremely honest. The nakedness of the speaker's need is apparent, and quite directly stated. Her ambivalence is equally clear: she doesn't want to give in to this passion, yet she also cannot end it. She is aware it exists, yet believes she can content herself with respect and tenderness rather than taking it to another level. She feels drawn to the other person, but also unsuitable for his romantic attention (or the genders can be reversed; or whatever ... any combination would apply here). This reads almost like a woman in love with her minister/doctor/teacher/lawyer or anyone else in a position of trust. There is a distance between them, necessitated by the other party's relationship to the speaker. Yet the speaker longs to bridge it, realizing she probably never will: Having passion for you may only be an illusion, you are not within my reach; yet the desire will not pass. I am perplexed and intensely bewildered by you, knowing that boundaries are unyielding between us. The other possibility that suggests itself to me is that the speaker is discovering God and feels unworthy to come into His presence, even as she admits that she's already there. The language of the poem is not sexual - it is impassioned but not sensually passionate, if that makes sense. The closest it comes to a physical expression is when it refers to the tenderness of touch, and even that can also apply to Christ, or a parental figure, or a close companion. So the object of her adoration could easily be taken as a divine figure, with very few edits. If You were capitalized, it would certainly be interpreted as the confused self-argument of a soul newly aware of its own existence, and seeking oneness with God. It could readily become a religious poem, although not overtly because there are no specifics as to the individuals involved. It's just "you" and "I/me". I'm not sure about the rhyme in the last two lines. It stands out because you aren't using rhyme elsewhere. However, that is a personal reaction and others may not motice. The overall style is very accessible to the reader and certainly complements this theme. Sorry I can't critique in more depth - we've had one death in the family this week and another seems likely to occur in the near future. I'm finding comfort in reading poetry this morning. I hope you are well. Hard to believe another year is almost finished! ((hugs from NS)) Brenda
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